What is happening to me ????

I said (when in India for delivery), lets not waste the time that we get alone in arguing as to why i cannot stay and etc..., instead enjoy the time. ofocurse we did have good time daily except for the first few mins when i arrive and the last few mins when am about leave.

Edit: Also, I should say that she never asks for anything at all. She is very adjusting.

 

Vidya. No ,that was just to show how tender and sensitive she is. LOL i defeinetely am not goign to go '...mmhhmm' LOL

Know what Vidya. This is exactly what I have told and been telling her in my own way, btu the essense remains the same. Except that i dint add the sentence i highlighted in your version.

""I realize you were hurt because of something I did. If I could go back and change it, I would, because your happiness matters to me. But it makes me feel pretty helpless to do something about the past right now in the present. It hurts me to see you cry, etc etc... so could you please not bring it up again? I miss my cheerful wife."

Here lets check my version out too, so you can see, if I really want her to feel the way i want her to.

"S, What has happened has happened. It was neither your fault nor mine. I cannot do anything about it now except for saying 'Sorry'. I can do anything possible to make things fine only if i could turn back time. If you have any thing your mind that you think could help ease form this, i would definetely do it without any questions asked. It hurts to see you cry and it hurts even more when i dont know how to ease your pain. And this helplessness (that am not able to help you), in turn leads to anger. I want my wife that i left off at the airport before dleivery back, this is not her. I could sense a smiling rose, upon her thoughts, but when you are like this all I can picture is 'A bunch of angry ladies (with frowned eyebrows), fighting over water at local water pump'."

Well, see that? was that good enough? atleast chaltha?

Now i repeat the same story everytime this comes up, and each time i think i was able to convinve her and feel satisfied and when it comes up again? How many times can a person keep telling this tell me Vidya? whats the use of me telling this? last time i added a couple more lines to what i said above those are below,

In addition to what i said above, it ended with "OK. You re hurt. I am hurt. What next? What are we going to do about it? when there is hurt and resentment inside there is no space for love (i think i went a bit dramatic here). Lets not live with haste. Its either stay together with love or seperate. You have so many complaints, so and so much hurt and hatred (only when this thing comes up), that its better that we go our own seperate ways. But please know that, i will be standing in the same position in the relation where am, i will always love you, when if at all you think you forgot what has happened, am here to welcome you. We love each other very much.In the quest of fault finding, we forget all the little things we do for each other for each other's sake. So lets do this, lets stay seperate for some time, no body form our families needs to know this. you can stay with a frend of mine for soem time, depends on how long we can hold on without'

For this answer was (am sure with watery eyes, can say it form her voice), 'You dont like me, you are fed up with me, you were not like this before, i cannot bear it if i see your love goign down even by a tiny bit. Instead send me away. i will go home.'

Okay i wrote volumes here, now before i start boring you guys, just that i felt a need to bear it out or i iwll go mad.

Hey how can i forget this, there is also one pathetic peice of crap that i said in addition to the above ones. I said 'if we are gogin to go like this, am sure some day i will kill myself or will kill you' - hell no, i dint mean that. that was just out of frustration, I dont want to be stagnated. When my solutions are not appealing to you, tell me yours.

comming to her crying, Vidya trust me, i would love to know the reason too. I think its her favourtie pasttime.

 

Good to hear from you Shilpa.

Yes I could have doen a better job taking her out. Yes there could have been many memories. But are we both going to be there in those memories? no, those would be only of the places that we visited and stuff. Being at home, we had so many memories, whose crx is 'US'.
well, am not trying to say staying home is better. but this used to be my logic (i am the person that likes to spend weekends home with wife, movie, smoke and drink. hence ihave formulated that logic of mine i guess)

But on a positive note we could think like that , cannot we? She contradicts herself. She says those initial five or four months after marriage (until time was for her to go to India for delivery, she was 4.5 months pregno then) was 'Paradise' and yet says, time once gone will never come back. if we are not gogin to go visit places, then we iwll never (whats that hurry? why can we never go? ) also, i should mention that she is not interested in visitng places , but in visiting place with 'me'.

Shilpa, she is confused, when we go out, she is like ohh God, weekend is passing by without us being together.

As for me feeling upset Shilpa. Basically am not. I dont mind her getting at me with those. But she goes silent and no ttalk - thats what i say 'hell' is. Whole house is silent, i could hear the kid next door crunchin on his chips This is what gets me upset.

People, thanks for bearing, going forward there will not be these volumes, cuz i gave evyrthing out. So trust me when i say this will not go on and on likle a mega serial :rotfl

Also, Vidya, yes. We have a six month old baby at home. We are happy all the time, only that when this comes up, this will linger for sometime . thats all and we are fine in 15 - 30 mins or so. But i feel like this is hiding things under carpet.

 

Please tell me if you see something, am not.

 

Dear Abiramy. Thanks for your thoughts. Your suggestions and time you put in are defintely valuable.

One thing's for sure Abiramy. Your comments have got me thinking or i should say they got me worried. No Abiramy our relation is not going down. And i know it will never go down. Your coments say that our relation is not going well. No ours is goign well, really. That 'delivery part' is the only fold that I have in my relation and that does not disturb us at all, provided like Shilpa said in her post, I try not to get all worked up to find solution and instead just listen. Will do that.

Ptty fights - she's not of the fighting type. Isolation - No this will not happen. we dont like it if we are not talking to each other. We make up in a bit.

Will definetely implement all your suggestions. Thanks Abiramy.

 

You din't confuse me further Shilpa. You and Abhiramy saw what i dint see.

why wait for tomo to do something - i have been planning on saving for it for a couple of months now. Decided where to go and what to book (gathered all details, only waiting on funds to accumte). Out of the 'small' package that you mentioned, i will chose my wife and son for this vacation, will leave rest behind.

no one can convince you - you are a pscychologist. I will be more broad (y? i want my carpet flat)

What you read is true Shilpa. I am restless and helpless until i find a solution and thats the reason am here on this website. Got it. Will listen to it and do nothing.

HAND in HAND on a vacation - hard task, when in public. Will work on doing it, i feel it looks awkward and explicit, but that may not be the case, might just be one of my assumptions.

Thank You.