What is happening to me ????

Hi Aksh,

This insecurity only you can help her to overcome.
I always tell my bro & SIL that I've kept my parents informed of all the hardships I faced & it shouldn't ever be introduced into their lives... however since their case can be different than mine so they might have new isssues which I dint face... in those cases as we dont have a pre-existing ginny pig, they need to be open and inform.

Once a lady is assured that her DH shall be just & will evaluate allegations without bias.. this insecurity flies off.
I dont say that you promise to her that you'll support only her whether right or wrong but then the decisions and reactions you make shall tell her whether you're a just man or no.

There are many ladies in my circle who say that even tho their DH don't openly get into war with their parents when they do wrong but they always admitted who was at fault and tried their best to remain neutral but made sure that either side was not harmed mentally or physically.. & never abusive to their DW.
For any boy his parents can never be bad (cos if he thinks on those lines his foundation is shaken) but in most of the cases also seen in this forum a DIL is seldom treated with even basic respect.

You can change someone's preconcieved notions only with actions.

 

Aksh,
That is a double edged knife.. Handle with care. If you tell every detail to her it might even validate her preconceived notion.

Like, say MIL complains on some aspect of DIL to DH, and DH supports DW (in her absence). When DH tells that (every detail) to DW, She will be happy that DH stood up for her BUT at the same time there is a chance that MIL-DW relation takes a hit.. because if DIL is extra sensitive, she will be hurt to know that MIL did the complaining.. worst case, may even hold a grudge against MIL and DH will be the one who 'backbit' his mom! :drowning

So filter the details, save the 'sensitive words that might wound her' and just make sure you give DW the sense of security that you stand by her whenever she is right. At the same time if anyone praises her in her absence, make sure to take that ALL and dump it on her - it will make her feel loved & wanted in the family.

 

MS true!

Sooo true:bowdown! Am totally with you on this very well said:cheers

 

:rotflfor that "Ms True, So true" Haiku. Thanks, Sri..

 

Ignore all the shortcomings. IMO, you guys rushed too early with responsibility - You are just 13th month into this relationship and already you have a baby to look after. The thing is you guys need time to rekindle your intimacy. That is all work on it, everything else will fall into place.

You have mentioned somewhere that your wife every after an issue is acting normal and playing with the kid. Do you know that's what one should do to not build the stress? Concentrate on something else and let this issue sit. Without any positive attitude, 100% potential is of no use. So take it positively and not read too much into it.

 

Aksh, do you think, all this may be to get more attention from you? She must be stressed out and tired (in spite of all your help), so she may want you to notice it and give extra attention to her.

Things happened very fast here..marriage and baby etc, so it will be a bit difficult to change roles from unmarried, to a married couple..to parents - within a short span.

Reading your posts, I somehow got an impression that you are being sensitive, over analyzing and brooding over your wife's moods (if not expressing and showing them out like your wife). The differences in ideas about a perfect family will always there when two people are married. Believe me, the differences won't go away, even after many..many years of being together. Each one wants a different kind of relationship (something in terms of their parents relationship or that of someone they know). So, you guys have to meet somewhere mid way.

I cannot believe I am saying this to a guy - but this surrendering, submissive and over sensitiveness will not help you and rather would irritate your wife more and will get her into a habit of dominating, criticizing etc. Having said that, I am not advising you to yell at her and criticize her at the drop of a hat.

My advise is to be a man. Don't over think stuff. Choose some interests apart from work (like blogging, sports etc). Help out as much as you can at home. But once you are done with helping, don't stay around too much waiting for your wife's attention. Go out for an hour or so and do what you like. This way, she will know and understand, that you are not a person who would just take the silent treatments calmly. Invite her for discussion. Tell her that you will like if she can spell out her problems and frustrations.
And see if you guys can solve problems. Tell her that She and you are one team and no matter what you will be together, solving hurdles and doing the best for the baby.

Take her out with the baby, go for coffee or get some take home food. Do things of fun. Share your feelings to her about stuff. So, she will understand you better. Dialogue, Dialogue, Dialogue...helps makes things right.

But if silent treatments continue, that means she will not be changing much in near future. So help as much as you can and go about doing your stuff. Take a course, involve in some activity, go to gym etc.

Good luck. May you both have a loving life ahead and many a happiness. You are so young, starting your life. It will be a shame if anyone of you mishandles it.

 

Wow Mstrue this is really true. :cheers
Half of the people forget doing this under the notion that the wife or DIL will no more remain grounded, whereas essentially she's also a human with reasonable requirement of self respect.
People who have to fly will fly come what may :thumbsup............