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What is forgiving?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jayasala42, Jul 16, 2015.

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  1. Jul 17, 2015 #11
    coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very nice post Jaya mam....but if somebody is not asking for forgiveness or not even repentant for their deeds then should we forgive them? If we forgive them then won't they do the same again...????
     
    coolgal123, Jul 17, 2015
    coolgal123, Jul 17, 2015
    #11
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  2. Jul 18, 2015 #12
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear poetlatha,
    Thank you for your valuable additional input.I understand and agree.There are many categories of people among the hurting ones and victims.Some go on hurting whether you ignore or retaliate,escape with a 'fake sorry' as you say and indulge in the same activities.
    A few stop hurting once we retaliate.
    A few stop humiliating once we ignore.

    Among the victims too there are many categories.
    Many get angry ,emotional and retaliate immediately on each occasion.
    Some put up with for some time and start retaliating.
    Some totally ignore( it is very rare)
    Forgiving as defined by psychologists is not informing the guilty that we are pardoning them, but it is an instruction given to us by our own conscience that we should be prepared to let go their comments .This discipline once cultivated develops a strong root and enables us to deal with problems ( related to them or others) in a more objective and unbiassed way.
    Your response is simply superb.

    jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
    #12
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  3. Jul 18, 2015 #13
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Viji,
    Thank you for your kind response.I totally agree with you.Just to maintain good relationship it is essential we forget and forgive, though we may not really like to do so.So many long lasting misunderstandings sometimes vanish with a 'sorry' or even without any such formal restoration.
    In big families misunderstandings,grouping together, gossiping, bad mouthing are very common and on occasions we are blamed without rhymre or reason and position will only be aggravated by retaliating.
    The people who hurt should understand that silence of the opponent does not necessarily denote 'weakness' and may be it shows a strong character.we should learn to ignore and shed off those remarks as if sand sticks to our shoulders.

    Thanks viji for giving your valuable feed back.

    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
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  4. Jul 18, 2015 #14
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Coolgal123,
    You have raised an apt question.It is quite likely that they repeat the mistake again.How long?
    The real intention of the opponent is to hurt, make you feel sorry, provoke your anger, make you shout enabling them to continue their insults.
    If one stops, they cannot continue for long.Once they understand that they are being ignored, automatically they would stop hurting.

    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
    jayasala42, Jul 18, 2015
    #14
  5. Jul 18, 2015 #15
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Thankyou for wonderful post and all the valuable feedback here. I am still on the boat of practicing forgiveness for all the hurt endured. In my experience the ones who hurt others seldom feel sorry for their actions even when confronted. My bad experiences always included life and death events. The only best way I learnt is to tell them in a calm voice that it's not acceptable and move on. Let them carry the guilt of hurting us and we should not be carrying the pain of being hurt. It relieves so much heaviness. This practice took me more than 15 yrs to achieve.
     
    jskls, Jul 18, 2015
    jskls, Jul 18, 2015
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  6. Jul 21, 2015 #16
    PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear jaya ,

    To err is human, but to forgive is Divine.

    Forgiveness is not something we do for others. We do it so we can move on and have peace of mind.

    Sometimes the offenders feel ashamed to apologize due to ego. It doesn't matter. You forgive them anyway.

    Even Valluvar says, "innaa seitharai oRuththal avar naana nannayam Seythuvidal."

    Meaning: The punishment you give to some one who offended you is to make them feel shy with your good deed.

    The good deed is at least to forgive them as far as I am concerned.

    PS
    .
     
    PushpavalliSrinivasan, Jul 21, 2015
    PushpavalliSrinivasan, Jul 21, 2015
    #16
  7. Jul 21, 2015 #17
    jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Pushpa,
    Thank you for your valuable feedback.It is very easy to advise to ignore the hurting remarks and forgive others.many seem to be more bothered about the remarks rather than their own sufferings.it is more painful than burnt injury.( theeyinaal sutta punn aarume-aaraathu naavinaal sutta vad-- Thiruvalluvar)
    If people start forgiving there may not be any room for ill feelings.
    Jayasala 42
     
    jayasala42, Jul 21, 2015
    jayasala42, Jul 21, 2015
    #17
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