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What Happens When They Pass On

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sociallifein30s, Aug 21, 2022.

  1. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    lost my mum in March. I still get choked up. I dont want to get used to the fact that she is not around now.
    I still smell her. I still hear her.
    Is she watching me now? Where is she? I think her last call was to me, asking me to come back home. I was out of town on a fun trip. She apologized for cutting short my trip. And she was panting. Evidently a heart attack. I called all my contacts but it was too late. She collapsed. The first call should have been to ambulance. But I called my uncle to bring an emergency tablet.
    I think that call to me was a cry for help. She hoped I would be able to do something. I couldnt do anything for her. Did she know she was going to go?
    I just want to cry and sleep in her lap. and hug her. I cant bear to see the pictures, it doesnt bring a smile, but a deep deprression. But then the cooker whistles, or milk boils or door bell rings or soemthing and I need to get up. She left a hollow in me.
    Is this choking that they call grief? It leaves me empty.
    I called the ambulance and he said I should have called them a little earlier. He said she was already passed when they came.
    I have never seen anyone just disappear from life so close.
    There was once a guy friend of 3 years who just ghosted me one fine day. That was the closest.
    I feel like talking every bit of the day with the family members but they start crying to even start that day.
    Not talking doesnt make me feel better. Talking doesnt make me feel better either.
    Frankly I dont feel like praying. I just do the 108 pradakshni every so often because I keep thinking of so many things while I still chant "sri rama rameti ..." Its the time when I am left alone walking zombie like.
    Is my mum watching me? What happened to her? What is she doing now? Is she unhappy wiht me? Does she sympathize with me?
     
    lavii and messedup like this.
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    I am so sorry for what you are going through.
     
  3. Ruby2019

    Ruby2019 Gold IL'ite

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    I’m not going to say anything to invalidate your pain because it’s yours and unless we went through something similar, we can’t empathise. I’m just very sorry for what you are going through and will suggest maybe sharing your thoughts to a therapist. I’m sure logic tells you that it’s not your fault but your heart will feel otherwise. My thoughts are with you ❤️

    17D014CE-9AC6-4737-8FED-7D41380DBA35.jpeg
     
    sm123, Thyagarajan and shreepriya like this.
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Sociallife, my deepest sympathies to you. You are grieving and processing your feelings. This is completely natural. Do whatever gives you relief. Continue to write out your feelings in a journal or express them to your siblings and father. This is how we process such life changing events so there’s nothing wrong with you.

    For my own mother it’s been over ten years now. It got better in the sense that I’m now able to function and take decisions etc but that hollow feeling of missing her never quite goes away. This is another facet of life. Take it as another life experience. Each experience is a gift and brings its own new understandings of nuances, deeper or fresh realizations about ourselves and what really matters. Even in their going away both my parents left these irreplaceable gifts for me which enabled me to grow and mature further. From our beloved parents who sincerely love and wish the best for us we will receive only such positives - only blessings and auspicious things. I have come to firmly believe this.

    I am sure it will be same for you. Hang in there and I hope it gets better for you.
     
  5. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    @1Sandhya
    @MalStrom
    @Ruby2019
    Thank you all for your kind words. It is just unfair on the Universe's part to do such things to me. or for anyone.

    I regret the time when I did not call back my friends when their parents passed on. I thought I had nothing to say to them. But just picking up the phone and talking would have made so much difference. I get so tired when none of my friends call now because they dont know what to say. I understand that. but its just tough.

    I do want to see a therapist though. Talk to them about grief.
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Please accept my heart felt condolences. I have no words, except giving you a tight virtual hug.
    This too shall pass!
     
  7. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    Please accept my heartfelt condolences @sociallifein30s
    Losing a parent is always tough! They are the only ones who know you inside out.
    Yes! She is watching you. She is with you. She wants you to be always happy.

    She lives in you.
    Every moment your mom is speaking to your inner self.
    The decisions you make are her teachings, the words you speak are her words, the actions you take are taught by her, the way you cook or dress up have her influences, your attitude is a reflection of her attitude.

    She lives on inside you, she lives on through you. So, whenever you miss her, look inside yourself. You will find her answering your call with love.
    I hope you will soon be able to think of her with a smile!

    HR
     
  8. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Gold IL'ite

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    @SGBV Thank you for the condolences.
    @hrastro I just hope I can live up to her standards. She has always been a helpful person. well loved. When she walks down the street, atleast 3-4 people talk to her. they keep saying hello to her.
    No one in my building knows who I am.
     
  9. RekhaUK

    RekhaUK Senior IL'ite

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    So, looks like your presumption or assumption or guess is that if you have called the ambulance , you could have saved her. Seems logical but this may be or may not be the case. Because many heart attacks just takes less than few minutes for people to collapse. And for elder people there are complications even after resusication. Heart attack is the one that took away your mothers life , so dont feel guilty about it. Not many people get a chance in the golden hour.
     
  10. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Soc
    only who have gone through this can feel the pain, same similar situation in my case, her last call was to me , we spoke for nearly half an hr which I would do almost daily, she was my best friend, though I wont get any solutions to my problem but sharing with her would given me immense relief , sharing every silly things to serious one's had become my usual ritual, not a single day would pass without hearing her voice, but that was the last day I heard her voice never had I imagined that would be the last, next day morning she collapsed with severe heart attack , she passed away even before we sisters could reach her, its been two years now, I cannot express what I am going through, the void, the emptiness will be there till the end of my life, all I can say we have to deal with this coz that is life..
     

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