what did i do ? small problem only, need other views

anutt · Jul 6, 2014

was it my mistake?

my inlaws stay with us, n both me n my mil cook daily ..today i woke up quite early i finished half of the cooking by 7.30 and asked mil if she cod complete the remaining. my mil DID NOT HAVE ANY PROB....infact was ok, that i started everything....
i went walking for half an hour...after i came back, went straight to kitchen and helped her complete ..by 9 food was set on the table.

wat is wrong in wat i did..my mil was fine, food got ready on time..but my dh feels i shd have been there throughout cooking..for which i said something n then now it is become a stupid fight..instead i shd just said yes n followed..

i really dont understand, my mil is a nice person and she dint have any problem ...

we all stay together n like a family, is it wrong to except my mil to complete cooking in my absence (when she has no problem). i agree in old age, i need to run the entire household , but wat is wrong when my mil is fine doind it..now

i am trying to understand my husbands thinking here..

guesshoo · Jul 6, 2014

You didn't do anything wrong. Do not explain. Do not argue. Do not discuss. If he pulls the topic up again, tell him, you and his mum have handled it in a manner that suits you both and he should stay out of it. Period.

Don't try to guess what his thought process is. Just have a good time with your lovely mil.

muthuswathi · Jul 6, 2014

You are blessed with good n understanding MIL. Congrats.
Ignore your DH comments/remarks for the time being. Try to explain the complete scenario later when he is in good mood.

anutt · Jul 6, 2014

that is what i also said..she is not having any problem, but he feels its awkard where i just do walking when in the mornings its busy ... thats is why i did half of the work, because i shd not get that name...anyway ..i am not going to bring this up again ..i will just leave it...thanks guys for just hearing me out...

HeartHealer · Jul 6, 2014

Hi anutt,

Things have happened in your absence which means you're in dark and have no idea of the events that had happened in your absence.

I am not pointing to your MIL on this, please don't get me wrong, but I suspect if she would have said something against you to your husband, while you were out.
What I mean to say is, are you very much sure your MIL has and ever had any objection over her cooking (remaining cooking, to be precise) the food?

There's a finite possibility that she has never objected on your face about you doing only the half cooking and leaving the rest to her, but she might have communicated it to your husband.
So, that's why, your husband got really angry this time. Things are coming to you via. husband, while she is being sweet to you.

Anyways, if this is the case or not, talk to your husband and clear him on certain things...
- you don't take much of her help in cooking and try to do the major part by yourself
- if you would have your own mother at her place, you would have asked for her help too. So, its okay if you ask for a helping hand because you have other things to look after too
- if your husband is still having objection, ask him to help you out in the kitchen.

yellowmango · Jul 6, 2014

Tell your husband that you have very good relations and understanding with mil and he is creating trouble.Tell him to stay off or be ready to take responsibility if relations go bad because of his interference.

rachaputi · Jul 6, 2014

May be his intention is to give less pressure to her and your MIL saying ok, just for sake to make you happy..

Why need to raise argument with him now on this?? Just say, I was felt little bit lazy or tiered so asked...

Dont worry we have good relationship in between.. so we can handle..

anutt · Jul 6, 2014

hi hearthealer, i understand wat you are saying.. but as far as i know my mil, she is passionate about cooking..likes to cook ...so thats why i am laid back and not very careful about pushing work on her. you have a point that i will keep in mind....maybe she is not too comfortable doing the other half of work also ...or i dont know ( i cod be wrong here, cos she likes it)... but i think i have come of that age, where in i need to take more work in the kitchen....

anutt · Jul 6, 2014

hi ym, if only i can say such things directly .... anyway i want to know how do you all ladies manage... i am lucky to have help..but if i dont, am i capable of managing ? am i doing less work by any chance...cod i be wrong.... i am not lazy and all..but i dont prefer spending too much time in kitchen i have child to take care of...

anutt · Jul 6, 2014

hi rachaputi, wat u say cod be possible... i will try to do more work to avoid unnecessary silent war ...but please do share your daily routine and how u manage etc