What a parents are not impartial

Thanks for the thread.
The answer would have to be from dh, but only God knows what he is thinking.
I have parents who are quite impartial. I have seem my maternal grandparents who had been quite partial, based on the Indian tradition of son is great and inherits everything and daughters are gone once married away.
Maybe my mum had been hurt and so she has been impartial to the kids regardless of gender.

Where as my dh from a very big extended family of siblings, I found the MIL very partial towards the SIL, younger BIL and his family etc. I think maybe the reason has always been like that since my dh is an introvert and had been contributing to his siblings and mothers uplift in life. However inspite of his contribution MIL is definitely partial towards the other kids from my perspective. dh would never comment on that aspect till now. Good question to ask him, but he will smile and brush it off, so no answer.
As far a mother I make sure that I am impartial to my kids. My elder son has slowly got the habit of my dh, but I still make sure I talk to him and make sure that I still treat him equal to the other one. They are entirely different characters even though they are siblings. I want to make sure that I do not make the mistake like MIL and like my grandparents.

Even though I could sense the difference in the feelings of grandparents towards the grandkids were different, I still felt love and affection to them till now ( even thought they had passed away). I feel that as parents everyone needs to the impartial to the kids, irrespective of the kids attitude and character. It is in our hands to prove to them that they are loved equally and treated equally. Show it to them and if they fail to understand it just take it that is how their character is. But never quit loving your kids and be impartial in any circumstances. Cultivate it whilst young and hope that they learn it.

 

Thanks for the thread @Rihana

 

This is also Indian tradition that son takes care of parents in old age, daughters have no obligation as they are married off to another family, so isn't it fair enough that son should inherit the property ???
For me it is partiality towards that son should take the responsibility of parents but property should be distributed equally among sons and daughters...
Equal distribution of property among sons and daughters is fair if both shares equal responsibility of parents...otherwise it's partiality towards son...

 

True that is also abt responsibility. But till their death they never got the support of their son or their DIL. But it does not mean that the daughters leave them alone. They try their best to help their parents and take responsibility to the extent feasible because the daughters depend on their dh financially and otherwise esp if they are not working. Partiality I meant not only in the property which my mum does not want and the main thing I meant is the way in which they show their love which is biased.

 

Dear rihana,
a very good thread. It could really help people who have parents/in-laws who are partial to their siblings.
In practice, it is seen frequently that parents always desire that all their children come up in life and get settled. When their is a wide difference in ability, financial stability etc, the weaker one is given a wider leeway. This is not to justify this behaviour, but is what happens in many families. This being the case, it is not possible f or the siblng who experiences the difference, to express or demand equal treatment. They can just
avoid the issue eating into their peace, or develop a feeling of hatred towards the othr.

In most cases, the affected siblings themselves would not feel or make an issue of the
matter. It is when each of them have their own families, that all this gets highlighed - because the spouse, being an outsider, immediately perceives all the existng/non existing differences.
Very rarely do we find the sons or daughters finding fault with their parents behaviour , however one sided it may have been. The complaint would be much more
regarding the real or perceived partiality towards their children(Adults), by their in-laws.

 

Yes Vaidehi, many parents don't get support of their son but still their son gets the property and love of his parents...but don't these kind of sons get social condemnation too????
I understand what u r trying to convey regarding ur mom...many Indian parents love n worship their son while shun their daughter..
But my point regarding property was made in general...
Yes, we daughters do for our parents whatever FEASIBLE....FEASIBLE is the keyword here....while whatever feasible or little we daughters do for our parents is considered great by society , there sons are supposed to go out of the way for their parents and most of the time expected to put their life on hold and compromise on even big things in their life...so if we have the trend of giving property to son then its fair enough....
If we gals try to take care of parents in our little ways, there is many traditions where daughter of the house is supposed to get monetary benefit not the son...like in daughters marriage parents spends more than the sons marriage....first we daughters should try to balance these things....
Parents should treat their daughters and sons equally in upbringing , education etc ....till the time children are adult....after that giving their property and time should be treated as favour given to children...
Children should earn the favour...they can't demand....
In another thread raised by @chocogal , her husband was helping financially but favour was given to his brother, there things go wrong...it's like one is having the responsibility and another is having the rights..while responsibility and rights go well only together...

 

Yes Vaidehi, many parents don't get support of their son but still their son gets the property and love of his parents...but don't these kind of sons get social condemnation too????
I understand what u r trying to convey regarding ur mom...many Indian parents love n worship their son while shun their daughter..
But my point regarding property was made in general...
Yes, we daughters do for our parents whatever FEASIBLE....FEASIBLE is the keyword here....while whatever feasible or little we daughters do for our parents is considered great by society , there sons are supposed to go out of the way for their parents and most of the time expected to put their life on hold and compromise on even big things in their life...so if we have the trend of giving property to son then its fair enough....
If we gals try to take care of parents in our little ways, there is many traditions where daughter of the house is supposed to get monetary benefit not the son...like in daughters marriage parents spends more than the sons marriage....first we daughters should try to balance these things....
Parents should treat their daughters and sons equally in upbringing , education etc ....till the time children are adult....after that giving their property and time should be treated as favour given to children...
Children should earn the favour...they can't demand....
In another thread raised by @chocogal , her husband was helping financially but favour was given to his brother, there things go wrong...it's like one is having the responsibility and another is having the rights..while responsibility and rights go well only together...