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Wfh Creating Issues!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by LonelyWoman, Mar 22, 2020.

  1. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Didn't MBTI originate in studying prisoners in a Pennsylvania Jail, so that wardens may get some rational decision making* as to how they'd house and manage their inmates ?
    *Suitably matched pairs could be housed jointly in the same cell, and yet not have one maul/hurt the other ? Sort of like a marriage ?

    Anyhow... to each her own. If you are creating stimuli (as an extrovert would) to see your personal experimental subject put out reactions, life can indeed be very entertaining.... especially if the subject-species do not suspect there is an experiment going on.

    Carry on and have a happy life.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2020
  2. LonelyWoman

    LonelyWoman New IL'ite

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    Update:

    Still no talking. Both of us going about our business. He ordered food yesterday which was amusing because when it comes to me, he wants me to drop everything and cook. But he gets to order :)

    Usually when he gets mad he immediately switches off and goes into silent mode. After a couple of days I ask what's wrong and he says nothing. Then I have to coax it out of him, we have one long argument, and I typically end by apologizing and saying I was at least partially wrong. To his credit he remembers the things I brought up in the argument and tries to abide. Most things except my work -for anything related to my work he has never tried to understand my pov or do anything different. As I said, during the past year I am breaking this chain by returning the silent treatment and stretching it for 2 weeks without apologizing. I decide to stop when my mood strikes. I tell him we are acting immaturely and my apology isn't coming. Surprisingly things (grudgingly) go to normal if I act normal at any point. In a weird way, this strategy makes me feel like I made my point.

    Anyway 2 days ago I told him - I don't like to be mad without providing exact reasons. I am very mad because you said you didn't want a wife who works. And I don't expect you to do anything. Just letting you know why I am angry. And just stopped. No idea if it will have an effect.

    I have a question for you all. In almost every article about silent treatment and believe me I have read them all, the advice is to carry on like nothing happened. I am doing that but I cannot bring myself to not get back at him without offering some silence from my end to let him know how it feels. Tit for tat basically. Am I wrong? Should I start talking like nothing happened? If yes, how will he learn a lesson?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2020
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    I believe that advice to bahave normal is an attempt to bring everything back to normal. Like you said, in your case too that strategy help.

    But you dont want that too soon. So taking a break in the form of silent treatment to make you calm down. But it doesn't mean the other person is going to change or accept their bad behavior..it all depends on that person.

    Every one is different, so what work for you may not work for others. So we need to find what's right for us. Some people convey their disagreements verbally,but dont hold it in their mind and others by silence or actions. Its always good to be silent if we can't talk nicely or if we end up in arguments.

    Prolonged silent treatment, will create lot of stress and can create emotional detachment leading to more issues in marriage. That's why its adviced not to prolong it. Its considered a passive aggressive behavior if its used as controlling method. In your case your dh do it ,so the taste of same medicine work for him if you give the right dose. But too much is not good for anyone.
    If you think your method works, go for it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2020

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