We must quit being wife and go back to being girlfriend ...

Sweetheart, it is sad indeed that others don't have the consideration. However we can't control what others do. We can only work around it.

by that I mean you proactively make plans a month or two before your special days. Make a booking for a movie/ restaurant/ holiday. Be unashamedly excited about it and execute your plan. If anything else pops up that day, you are too busy to attend to it because you have long standing plans. No one is going to hand over happiness to you now that things have been going on like this forever. You must seize it. And you can.

 

bend the rules, celebrate the anniversary day/birthday on another day of that week.

 

May be if you had taken a stand early on...you would have not been so sad.
How difficult is it to say...Sorry ma..it is my birthday today and it is my day.Sorry ma...but we got married this day...it comes just once in a year and we want to celebrate.
sorry sil...it is our anniversary...please make some arrangement for your transportation.

A few fights early on and every one would have known that you both are also important. Your mil and sil were inconsiderate .....you let them be.

Ten years is not much...there are many more years ahead. Let them know you have given up too much and won't take any more.
Let sil know...her family life is not your responsibility.Her son's classes should be sorted out between her and her husband.Tell your husband he is not sil's driver.

 

If you MIL is deliberately planning chores for your DH on your special days, beat her at her plan, plan it ahead or back a few days. Better yet, plan on a weekday and ask your DH to take a leave, maybe half day so you can go to his office then spend time together. And as such why on special days, make it a once a month or once a quarter event.

Our ILs are in India, yet we often have lunch dates.

 

Op how about your relationship with your Sil. If you both have a friendly or at least ok kind of relationship you can talk about it to her. If she understands your situation she may talk to her mom and you will be released from this pickup, drop situations on those happy days.
Message from your Dh on this matter may take a turn but if your MIL hear this from her daughter the reason to avoid the advice is less and it's overall harmless.

 

I am sorry if this sounds blunt, but why can't your husband take a stand for both of you? A grown man should be able to take his wife out when he wants to.
All he needs to say politely but firmly is "We have plans to do XYZ, since this is our birthday/anniversary/occasion. I will be happy to help at a later time."
Lather, rinse, repeat till it sinks in.
Your relatives are walking all over you because they know they can. Why is your SIL's husband not involved in their lives?
You are absolutely right that couples should spend time together, especially if they live in a joint family. Now it's time to take charge and make it happen.

 

How mean is it to not help u celebrate ur birthday or anniversary.Not cool.Mil seems to be very jealous of ur happiness.

I feel your husband should understand and take a stand. But if thats not going to happen, then celebrate on some other day.Say tactfully in front of mil and sil that "as we cannot go on our anniversary as u need to pick up so and so,i have shifted my plan and the arrangements that i had made,for some other day".Nicely and tactfully show them how u have sacrificed ur plans without having to directly taunt them as that may lead to unnecessary tensions.

and when ur friends and family ring u up to wish happy anniversary, even if they do not ask to speak to ur husband say oh sorry he cannot come to the phone right now as he has gone to pick up so and so. If she feels exposed this way she may rethink her plan to sabotage ur big days.