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We Are Nothing Without Our Past

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Oct 25, 2020.

  1. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    We are nothing without our past.

    Most of us have migrated from rural areas to urban settlements for a better life. Our rural life is our past that stays with us like our own shadow. We are rural folks at heart. Our past could not dictate what we wanted to be but our past keeps us company what we become. At the time we left the village we belonged to, where we had some cherished memories and where forefathers lived their full life, it did not put any conditions, it did not pull us back, it did not shed any tears, it did not take a promise from us to return one day. On the contrary, it helped us grow as long as we were there and then waved at us with good wishes when we left.

    Many went far off countries –thousands of miles away from the roots –like a banyan tree growing high in the sky but rooted deep in the ground.

    We all have a past simply because like water flowing in the river is never the same our present also becomes our past in no time. Our past comprises of our parentage, our roots, and our experiences.

    Our parentage can make or mar our life. We are lucky to have caring parents who despite their limitations made our childhood easy and laid foundations for our future. Still, millions of less fortunate know nothing about their parentage or have only some bad memories of them.

    Our roots can also make or mar our life. We are lucky to have grown up in the place of our birth. We had undisturbed surroundings where peace and calmness prevailed. Still, there are millions of people who get uprooted from their known surroundings due to man-made wars and nature made calamities. Nothing much could be done about nature's fury.

    Depending on our parentage our actions are affected by our upbringing. A good upbringing is the first condition for becoming a good human being. A bad upbringing is the first challenge in the way of becoming a good human being. It is difficult to expect an urchin living a street life to become a good human being. Exceptions are there in both cases. No sapling can grow strong roots without proper soil, water, air, and sunshine. The Gardner works as parents. No Gardner, no growth.

    Our undisturbed surroundings during our growing times make a huge difference in our life. Children who are uprooted from their natural surroundings are traumatized much more than the adults. For understanding the meaning of all such uprooting is beyond comprehension. For healthy growth, a healthy surrounding is necessary. One shudders to think about the kids who never stay at one place for long as their parents have to move at short intervals for one reason or the other.

    This is a mixed bag of good and bad experiences we carry with us all the time. It is easy to say that we should keep this bag as light as possible by dropping the bad experiences, but this is just not possible.
     
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  2. jayasala42

    jayasala42 Finest Post Winner

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    An introspective snippet.Whether we have good parentage or unfavourable parentage, we have grown. Change is the unchangeable thing in life. Many children brought up with nil problems with great care have gone astray. All banian trees do not think of the roots somewhere.It is just nature that water flows from top to bottom and never on reverse direction.parents take care of their children who in turn take care of their wards.There is a vast difference between what we do with affection and what we do with a sense of duty.Never ,will it be the same.Past is there only to guide us superficially,the future has to be built not necessarily based on past but with suitable changes that are awaited.There is no use of brooding over the glorious past or lamenting over the tragic circumstances gone through.This will have a severe impact on our future progress.Let us build our future not on fantasies of the past,let us not brood over the sad plight ofthings that we have gone through.A bright future awaits us all.

    Jayasala 42
     
  3. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Writing about past in indusladies is stress buster and a pastime.
    But then this is not helping my future. Yes and no.

    In stray cases virtual friends turn real friends with their thinking in same wave length might combine to do successful business or translate their idea into a mind boggling but money spinning gargantuan projects .

    Some join assistants in the past now turned spouse of her employer turned a multi millionaire. Past turned into a robust foundation on which big edifice built. Example Microsoft Infosys.
     
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  4. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Very sensitive post with wide perspective,
    but I feel parenting is not the most important thing to decide a person's character or whether he grows up to be a good human being.

    Many children have dealt with criminal fathers, alcoholic violent parents, absent mothers , chaotic situations of displacement and war , even all sorts of abuse . Yet, they grew up to be the kindest , most sensitive and empathetic human beings Inspite of their sufferings, they fare more forgiving and taking care of their parents, and also helping other victims and needy persons in general.Infact, those who have known suffering and struggle, many times grow up to be more responsible because they had no one they could reply on, and they have more emotional intelligence, because they know the pain of the vulnerable.

    Similarly, there are plenty of kids who were provided stable loving homes and expert guidance, yet they turned out to grow up to be callous human beings divorced from people's sufferings. Such people take things lightly, and move on easily.Even if parents try to inculcate the best values , it really depends on the child which way he takes the opportunities/guidance provided. Sometimes, it takes suffering to learn empathy and loss to understand others' pain.

    A person is not completely defined by their background - anyone can grow and change. Parenting can give a child self-confidence how to conduct oneself, but it doesn't necessarily determine "good human being" - that is a very deep concept.Parenting can teach us how to act but not how to feel.

    But I definitely agree with you,children who grew up without good parents or stability, do suffer in very fundamental ways- traumatised, low self confidence, and I feel we must be more sensitive to them. Adults get traumatised too, by some life changing incidents of abuse, but trauma cannot soil a person's character. Ultimately, the person has to come out of that rather than regretting the past .
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
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  5. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your feedback.
    Exceptions are always there. However, childhood upbringing does matter. Parenting includes both in house and outhouse conditioning. It is true that we are affected by our surroundings outside home but a watchful eye of the parents can make a lot of difference by taking timely action.
    Times never stops but it does teach us at every step. The lessons we learn are worth brooding any time in future. Those who do not learn from their past are likely commit the same mistake over and over.
    We do become nostalgic about our past, once in a while, consciously or otherwise.
     
  6. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Shri Thyagarajan,
    Indusladies, I guess is a mix of young and old, migrated/uprooted from their roots but certainly all have a past. It comes naturally and does not need any trigger. It is also not a stress buster and or pastime. It is, to my observation, simple round table talk.
    Yes, there are people whose foundations laid deep and strong and could build a tall building latter on and there are some who had no such fortune but still make a difference. There are always exceptions.
    The moot point is -can we forget our past?
     
  7. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for your specific references. As I said, there will be exceptions in any field. That is all life about. There are some lucky ones who can get a piggy ride on their parentage and still succeed as happens in every profession and there are those who fall on the way. Reasons can be any. The important point is they had an opportunity, which may lacked.
    Even among those who did not have a very pleasant upbringing, did succeed in life and made a difference but believe me, they did have a mentor.
    Regretting over the past, or feeling proud about it, does not help. If at all it does something is -leaves a lesson. That is why I say -we are nothing without our past.
    It is being thankful for whatever it was.
     
  8. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I dont think it is exception. I was talking in context of who is a "good human being"-

    I mean being kind and empathetic and honest. Rather, I think it is suffering that teaches empathy. We cannot do any broad generalisation that those children who suffered
    • violent, drunkard or absent parents or
    • intense poverty and instability
    • or war or rape , have less chance to grow up into a good human being. Mostly, it is the vulnerable children from poor families who are more likely to suffer these things .We should not do broad generalisation that somehow they have less chance to grow up into a good human being.
    I agree with rest of your post- yes, "success in proffession" is another matter- definitely upbringing and mentoring plays the biggest role in being successful in life. Infact a good human being need not necessarily be very successful in life.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2020
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Very much. Examples for refreshing. Politicians and few celebs.
    Many skeletons in their cupboard have come out after their position or status gone or and after their death.
     
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  10. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Letting bygones be bygones is ideal in whatever we face, but it is not possible a hundred percent. Yes, we cannot totally distance ourselves at least mentally from our past whether good or bad. However, I have tried to rectify what i felt could have been better in my childhood, in rearing my children. A lot has to do with circumstances not exactly in our control too. Your post provided a lot of introspection too :blush:
     

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