1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Washing machine broke down...Scared to go home..How to face?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by drnamshara, Jul 19, 2014.

  1. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    284
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All...

    I really really need some "damage control dialogues" to prevent another maniac episode of my MIL this weekend. :drowning

    BRIEF BACKGROUND: After daily travel exhaustion, a month ago Me and DH FIIIIINALLY moved to a small place near our offices for WEEKDAYS stay.
    Much against MILs wishes and following huge furor ofcourse! :spin

    SITUATION BACKGROUND:
    Anything that spoils at home or goes wrong is my fault whole and soul!! She will not even give a second thought that it may have happened accidentally or someone else other than me also could have done it! :idontgetit:

    I am a full time physician and she feels I have only knowledge of my books and no life experience hence I dunno ANYTHING is life! (10yrs I have lived independently in hostels and hospital quarters !!)

    CURRENT ISSUE: May sound very very petty.....but I am **** scared!!
    MIL always used to insist that i put just 4 clothes in the machine and not over load it. Always put me down by saying I do not know how to use a washing machine!! She used to prevent me using the machine after 10 pm because in some relatives house the machine burst due to high voltage!!
    To my ill luck..the 12yr old machine BROKE after we moved back to our weekday home this monday and Hell broke loose in that house I am given to understand!!!

    DH is going out of station for the weekend and when he went to that home to pick his luggage she already majorly fought with him as he did not agree that I ruined the machine!
    I am obliged to go there for the weekend as per the arrangement and DHs request to takecare of them. BUT She would have churned all her anger and frustration for the whole week and all the cream would be waiting to be spit on me the moment I enter!

    If I speak back and stand up for myself again there will be a good show for neighbors...shower of slum kind of abuses...and she will again threaten to get us divorced as I have taken her son away from her for the weekdays arrangement!!

    MILs BACKGROUND: uneducated. rather she hated school and breastfed until 7yrs of age! (she says so!) i am given to understand she has denied psychological treatment thrice as she is all too perfect and problem is with rest of the world! Attempted suicide to blackmail my DH in the past. Abusive. Bad mouthing. belittling etc etc AND she wanted a stay at home DIL which she reveals only of late i.e. she hates me!!!

    I dont know how to remain calm and not reply hastily in DHs absence and get into deep trouble, FIL is hearing impaired and he wont know what is happening.

    If i give the money for the repair she will say I have money ego!!
    Please help me cope......How can I handle this patiently. Please suggest the exact words that may save my day :(
    My legs are trembling at the very thought of entering that Blame factory!!! :hide:
     
    1 person likes this.
    Loading...

  2. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    681
    Likes Received:
    1,915
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    is this 'controversial' machine in your weekday home or your MILs home?

    Go to MILs place and if she shouts at you , look at her blankly . Dont stare. Shrug shoulders,make a sad face and say yeah, its difficult to live without the machine in a nonchalant way, look at your phone- and say 'I have to take this call,sorry' and walk away.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. drnamshara

    drnamshara Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    284
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Its at MILs home!!! I was the last to use it on sunday before we came back to Weekday home the following monday :-(
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2014
  4. FromMars

    FromMars Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    559
    Likes Received:
    747
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    You have no choice but to surrender.

    Like anupam kher says, "Dharmender, Film Sholay, sharaabi scene":

    --------------------------------------------
    Saasu Maa.....bohoooo....bohoohooo
    I broke you washing machine...bohoohooo
    I know you said I don't know to operate...boohooohooo
    Now its broken...boohoohoooo......
    I should have listened to you...boohoohoooo......
    I am so sorry......!!!!
    ---------------------------------------------


    Ok, I am not mocking the situation. Basically, you have to talk more and blame yourself and say anything she might say about you, yourself.
     
    9 people like this.
  5. pantu

    pantu Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    718
    Likes Received:
    373
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Don't do anything that neighbors will enjoy the cinema without paying. Surrender , say
    yeah it was 12 years of old so it just loved to die at my hand. Then repair it. Do whatever she is saying to do with it. Try not to show any anger from your side.
    You are earning so you can purchase another washing machine and keep it in your weekdays home. So you don't have to wash again in your in laws
    house.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Babe, you shouldn't be out in this position that is wrecking such havoc in you. Can't you tell your husband that they don't need taking care of and can manage one weekend?

    Don't try to reason with her or offer money. Don't try to fix the problem. It is her house and her problem. Be defiant. You have to drill it into your head that you don't want to let this affect you; you don't deserve this treatment. Screaming and shouting is her fault; her problem. There is squat you can do about other people's problems.

    Walk in confidently with your head held high, shoulders back, chin up. If she starts anything, raise eyebrows without a smile, sigh and move way preferably to another room, without comment. Also Roll your eyes. No crying or feeling bad. Block her out. At the earliest opportunity leave. Or when you think you can take it no more, leave; ring your husband up and let him know you feared for your safety and hence left. Mention that you'd prefer it if he handled this as you dont have the strength or nerves to handle this. Then chill at your place happily.
     
    8 people like this.
  7. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    942
    Likes Received:
    955
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Omg! Are you kidding me!!!! You are scared of an uneducated , gud for nothing woman!
    You are an educated independent woman u r scared tht a washing machine broke dwn n u hv to answer to her! Is this y u toiled day n night to hv such a life where u r scared to go to ur own home! You need to re evlauate ur life!
    Let her shout, do drama, n whatever she wants, dont respond please! If psbl stand up for urself n tell her to go to hell! Its a machine, its purpose is mk life easy fir humans n not the other way round, it was 12 year old, (paisa vasool ho chuka hai uss washing machine se) , its already paid its debt!! For heaven sake , n if neighbours will see gud show then let them see, let ppl knw how petty ur mil is tht scolds her dil for a age old pre independence washing machine!:crazy
    Y the hell r u worried tht the neighbours will think badly! Not ur responsibility! If simething like ur mil is so dusturbing for u, n is degrading ur quality of life, i suggest u please try n distance urself from this kind of a situation!! I am appalled at this, if educated n self reliant woman cnt stand up for themselves n take charge of their own life then what is the point!! Is this y ur parents got u married so tht u cn spend ur life in fear of an uneducated woman?! Please muster some courage n rethink ur life!! I knw u must be really stressed right nw for this washing machine matter but is it really worth it! M sure she must be taking digs at u every chance there is , there is a bigger problem here tht u need to address!!
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. JustMyself

    JustMyself Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    745
    Likes Received:
    666
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with "FromMars" (nice name :) ), even though the response is to a venusian ;-)

    Yes, best approach here is to surrender, chop your head off, and hand it in a platter (gruesome !).. Still.. best is to take all blame willingly and whole-heartedly, and be even ready to buy a new one (ask her opinion if she thinks it is too wasted to repair or if she has a sentimental attachment to it).

    Your peace and your family's peace is much more worth than money. Also, be ready to get this topic discussed among several family members for as long as your MIL sounds suitable. Always better to jump in and say "yes, yes, I broke it, silly me" and express sympathy to your MIL for having suffered through the whole episode of washing machine break.

    Trust me, taking into consideration your MIL's mindset (or mindlessness), if you ever try to make her understand that the machine was old, and broke on its own accord, you would be a branded villain and will be slaughtered at every possible instance, as she is likely to hold grudge against you for a very very long time.

    So, better is to agree, and take measures to soothen her mood and temper.

    All the Very Best !
     
    4 people like this.
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,

    Dont be apologetic. Dont say sorry. dont offer solutions for washing machine issue. It is her problem. She and her son and h will figure out what to do. When you go there, the reason of the visit is that your h has asked to go make sure they are okay. Strictly stick to that. Be like you are in your clinic: how are you, how is health, are you taking medicines do you need anything from the store. If she brings up machine, raise your eyebrows, say' oh too bad.' and change the topic. If she is angry or not talking all the better. Let the silence stretch out, smile politely, then say okay I will leave now. Arrange a friend to call you 1 hour or some fixed time in advance. Take the call and tell them you have clinic emergency and have to leave.

    PS: Dont put any weight in what she says. If you were SAHM, she would have said she wanted a working women for dil. And, yes get a washing machine for the weekday place and only use that.
     
    7 people like this.
  10. hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    192
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should purposefully break few more items in your mil house, like TV, bed, furniture etc, say one item every other day. Start recording for a week. Show that firsttto your H. Tell him that this is the last straw and that you are helpless to make any more sacrifices for him. That you will be more than happy to stay alone during weekends while he visits his mum. I think you shouldn't feel guilty of this. You tried ignoring, saying sorry. Try this too. I guarantee it will work. Your H will totally understand you.
     
    8 people like this.

Share This Page