Want your valuable suggestion Please

itsmeteddy · Feb 20, 2008

Thank you every one for taking your time to reply to my post. Thank you SoaringSpirit. You have guided me how to make a decision on this issue. I will be doing the task of writing pros and cons, which will be helpful for me to decide as well as to convince elders in the family.

Thanks again to everyone who replied and the people who have provided this forum to pour our feelings, fears, insecurities etc.

lovinglife · Feb 22, 2008

Hi Teddy:

You are indeed a very strong woman!! I wish we had more like you in our society.

I did my masters while working full time in the university and having them agree to have me study for free. So, I know how hard that is......but, I at least had the support of my Ex in some ways. So, kudos to you on that!!

I only have ONE thing to ell you regarding this so called husband. LEAVE HIM. He started the relationship based on lies and good people with good habits don't do that. Gone are the days when women would marry guys just because they dont have any bad habits.

Get rid of him so you can start living your life again!! You will find a ton of guys who will want you for who you are.

Good Luck!!

Sri2007 · Feb 22, 2008

Dear Teddy.

Others have given you very good advise.I agree with them.
Good Luck with your decision and be strong.

Take care

itsmeteddy · Feb 24, 2008

Thanks Induskr and Sri2007, I really feel good about myself now. Thanks for the support.

People think, if we are working abroad we have lot of money and a very good life, they dont understand the fact that there is too much struggle involved, especially for a single woman who has no support system.

For my releaf, I have IL. Thanks everyone.

ansh12 · Feb 24, 2008

Hi Teddy

Good to know that you are feeling better.

Hope to see regular posts from you, as this forum is meant for ladies like us who can share there feelings without the fear of any prejudice against them
Keep writing

Best wishes
Ansh

devu · Apr 27, 2008

haiii mam...really sad to hear ur story ...i myself know i'm not the right person to comment on this topic....but just cant resist posting a reply....cant advise u...u r elder n hv seen world more than me...just wanna say one thing...u have to take the right decision ..just follow ur heart as i believe "heart always gives the truest answer"....marriage is a commitment ....it needs trust... frm ur story i understood ur relationship is a total failure...then y carry it????....if u try to compromise not only u who is goin to suffer but ur children too....i say this frm my experience...my parents weren't a good match...they usually fight....n thats wat i see daily....children of fighting parents will only learn to fight ...the whole family will be a disaster....i myself is such a child...i donno if thats the reason y my frnds usually complains i'm a hard core pessimist ...its a joke(??) i often say to my parents..."i would be happy to go to jail if i could kill the broker who connected u both"....Witsend

lakshmi05 · Apr 27, 2008

Hi,

It was painful to hear your story.

As Ria has wondered, even I am surprised you haven’t divorced him yet.

The fact that you being alone have managed to acquire higher education speaks volume about your strength, determination and guts. Any other woman would have lost her nerve.

You should convince your parents that he is not the man for you. How can a person who has cheated you expect love from you? And how can you expect him to be honest with you from now on? Just not having bad habits does not warrantee a happy marriage. The foundation of a successful marriage is trust. And when he broke it at the beginning of your life, marriage holds no meaning.

The deception that u have gone through is quite common in our country where men take women for granted. They think once a woman is married off, she can be treated according to the whims and fancies of the man. You have been a victim like so many other women in our country are subjected to. But you have had the courage to face it. The reason is your strong foundation (your education and experience). You should use these and go forward in your life.

Your parents will understand and support you. You must come out of this unnecessary burden. Free the shackles and get a divorce.

Take time off from your studies and work. Start loving yourself. Go off on a holiday where you will forget the past. Plan for the future. Get back and give life your best.

All the best!
Lakshmi

itsmeteddy · Apr 28, 2008

Hi Lakshmi,

Thank you very much for your kind and encouraging words. I have decided to get divorce and it has already been filed. So I will be getting divorce soon.
As you rightly said that Indian men take women for granted and they think once the marriage is over, they can do what ever they want. I could not take it. It has to end somewhere. Someone has to take that bold step and revolt and tell that what they have done is not right. I did just that.
I couldnt think of a marriage where there is no trust and where I am living a life for others and not for myself. I will not be getting anything out of this marriage except going through a more miserable life where I need to live with a person with whom I dont want to live with. I am better off with out him.
I should thank my mother who is the only person who has supported me. Every one else is angry at me. My father doesnt talk to me. But I think that is life.... I got to live it...

Thanks for your reply.

itsmeteddy · Apr 28, 2008

Hi Devu,

Thanks for your concern. I can understand and relate to how you feel when parents dont have a good marriage. That is the main reason why I decided to not live my life like what my mother has lived. I didnt want to continue this trend. I wanted to stop this with me.

Dont be pessimist. Life is beautiful, not all marriages are like that.

Take care,