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Want To Quit. Need Help.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by RealisticMe, Dec 23, 2020.

  1. RealisticMe

    RealisticMe Junior IL'ite

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    I am happily married with a good husband and 2 little kids. Recently, I fell for a guy (unmarried and committed - has a gf, though has a lot of issues in that relationship). Initially I was having fun and thought its just virtual chatting so its ok. But lately, he is on my mind a lot. Now, I decided that I should stop talking to him, due to multiple reasons, but I still keep going back. I know I did a wrong thing. And I want to stop it. But, self-control is very hard. And he is also emotionally attached now. Please pour in advice.
     
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  2. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    If you are happily married it’s not so easy to fall for another guy. There must be definitely something which you feel is lacking in your marriage.
    It may be fun initially to have EMA until things turn ugly and serious..

    If you feel your family is important block him immediately from all the sources.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2020
    Indeevara, Deepsmara and RealisticMe like this.
  3. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    And he is also emotionally attached now. --- can you please pour in some inputs here? what is making you think that he is attached?
    will he be doing anything for you? answer this and lets decide.
     
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  4. RealisticMe

    RealisticMe Junior IL'ite

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    Whenever I try to quit, there is a lot of hue and cry. So, I know there is a lot of emotions involved. He doesn’t want to lose me.

    And I don’t want him to do anything for me. I just should stop all this immediately. I am just gathering strength to do it. I get weak when I talk to him.
     
  5. RealisticMe

    RealisticMe Junior IL'ite

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    Yes family is very important and I am going to stop talking. I think I was just stressed due to many other reasons but there is no excuse for this.
     
  6. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    You sound like a stalking victim, who had encouraged the guy at the beginning, and now fear that he'd do you some irrepairable harm. If he has been threatening you, you must tell your dH what's been going on, and together you ought to seek police help. The earlier you take care of this, the better off you are.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    What advice are you looking for? You know what you are doing is not correct and you know what you need to do about it. Block all contacts and move on.
     
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  8. Venkat20

    Venkat20 Gold IL'ite

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    Talk with someone Infront of him... You will know the result.
    If you really love your kids I am sure will not do this..
     
  9. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

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    Dear,
    That hue and cry is normal. not something unusual. happens with everyone, not specifically in a relationship. and yeah there is no need to withdraw suddenly and make a mess.
    so you said that you get 'weak' when you talk to him, just recollect what was it that made you appear attractive/strong initially that made him get attracted to you. get back to that. and slowly regain your strength back. take time, and while you do, heal.
    more strength to you. take care.
     
  10. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I dont find friendly chatting with opposite sex as an issue. My response below is based on your post and I guess it was like an emotional affair. Thats why you are not able to stop . Its very addictive.

    Cheating ( emotional or physical) on your partner is wrong and very cruel. Both of you did the same. If your partners came to know about it, they will be devastated and can ruin your marriage/ relationship. If your husband do the same what will be your reaction? You should know your boundary. If it was once, it is just an incident if it was frequent, its a conscious decision by two adults to indulge in it.

    Whenever I try to quit, there is a lot of hue and cry. So, I know there is a lot of emotions involved. He doesn’t want to lose me.

    If he is a mature or decent person he would have understood your situation and have accepted it. But this reaction shows he is not. This hue and cry is there because he is loosing entertainment from a sidechick/mistress online. If he is sincere he would not have done it. Another lie. Going to this extent with a married woman shows his character very well. You dont have to worry. He will soon find another one. May be you are just one of of many he has.

    unmarried and committed - has a gf, though has a lot of issues in that relationship)

    There may not be any issues. His gf most probably dont have any clue. This is a common lie ( ' damsel in distress') or method to trap or attract or get attention from other women. Nothing else. If he was unhappy, he should have separated from her. Many low quality men use this kind of approach just for time pass. They can be very charming. Most of the time they are wolf in sheep's skin. You were his timepass. If it was virtual only, then how you can be sure about his motives or quality of a person. If he crossed boundary his intentions are not right. If you know the person in real, then this mistake gain a bigger dimension.

    virtualchatting -
    If it was friendly chatting only, you dont have to worry much. But if it involved video or intimate chat, they can record it or use in bad ways. If you feel any emotional blackmailing, you should be very careful. In that case dont hide it from your husband or seek help.

    Good that you realised it now. What you can do? Tell him, it's over. Your marriage and family is important than this relationship and completely cut off him out of your life. You can see his hue and cry because you are still online with him. Change phone number, user names or any other social media accounts or block him. Let this online relationship remain as a memory. If you are getting perturbed try to consciously divert your mind. Try your best to spend time with your husband and kids. If there are any issues in your marriage, convey it to your husband and try to fix it or seek counseling. You have so much to loose. If you feel like chatting, write it down in a journal and think about your family. May be that will help. Hope you regret your mistakes and are remorseful. Have lot of patience from your side.

    Your post shows both of you have crossed the boundary of marriage/ relationship. Both of you did it because you guys are not sincere to your partners or not committed to your relationship. Your spouses deserve better treatment. Let this mistake be a learning experience. Try your best to move on. No one can help you except yourself. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2020

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