Hi Lovely ladies I am an avid reading of the posts on IL, though I rarely post but now I am in a dilemma and in need of practical advice. I am working women, work with the IT with all its banes I need to come to work 4 days a week and work from home on fridays I cannot quit right away as I hv a loan to pay off, after 4-5 years my financial commitments would be done. I have a toddler 3.4 who would join main school this june, all this while my mother was staying with me and I had a maid to take care of the child, the maid takes good care of both my child and mom. my child prefers to stay at home than go to the day care. my mother is a senior citizen, she cannot help much due to her general health she is diabetic has hyper tension she has had a stroke abt 5 years ago, this apart she also has depression and mood swings. I am her only child, my dad passed away abt 14 years ago. From the time of my delivery to date there have been regular problems due to my mother's mood swings and constant friction between my mother and husband (very difficult to keep both of them under the same roof). Every time my mother would go to her place which is abt 18 KM from my residence after a fight and refuse to come, I would have to wfh with the maid to take care of my child. My maid has been with me for nearly 3+ years now she stays in the next lane with her family quite trust worthy. Post my marriage she used to come to my place on and off, my inlaws are no more, so it is just my husband and me and visits by my SILs (3 of them ) and short stays. Coming to the problem for which I want advice. My mother does not want to stay with me at all, she wants to stay alone as she says she feels tied up here. her independence is lost etc. I too am not able to handle this day to day quables with my husband and to top it is my work pressure. Is is wise for me to let her do what she wants and go and put my child in day care or do can I leave my child with the maid alone (again if my maid agrees to stay alone taking care of my child) I am really confused kindly provide your thots/advice
Everyone deserves to live in the comfort of their own home with freedom , dignity and peace of mind . , Be it elders or youngsters . Generally it very difficult for people of two different generations who are not direct parent child to live together . Your current arrangement is unfair to your mom and to your husband too . She already has health issues and she needs some peace and freedom. don't force her to adjust in your house for that . Better your kid to be in daycare than a house where there are constant squabbles. . Perhaps you could rent and move to a house closer to her like within 1 km from her house for emergency needs regarding your child .That way everyone will be happy . Come to think of it , it is not your mother's job to raise your kid . You may think that maid is doing the physical work but anyway you are tying down your mom to keep watch on Maid/kid and that's a big job . You have to "let " her do what she wants because it is her life and your kid is not her responsibility . Your mother's job was to raise you that she has done . Don't put unwanted and unjustified burden on her .
Thanks for the response nakshatra1, It is difficult to rent a place near my mom's place, my travel time would increase nearly by an hr making it 2hrs just due to the traffic around the place anyways would look for a daycare
While the daycare transition is tough, I think there are lots of benefits for 3 year olds to go to daycare. They have so much energy and staying at home to care for them is really tough. And being independent and learning to deal with other children is a really important skill at this age. My mom, who is quite good at handling children and is physically fit, got very frustrated when she had to take care of my son, full time. Everyone deserves their personal time, and toddlers aren't very good at giving that. I don't think you should keep your mom chained with you just because want a loving touch to care for your child. If she is unable to fully enjoy the job and it has become a burden, you must accept that. Let your mom enjoy her life, she would be a lot happier and less irritable. Your kid will be alright
Would it be possible for the maid and your child to stay at your mother's place during the day? Your maid can continue to take care of your toddler. And your mother would benefit from having an adult around in case of emergency. On Fridays, you could work from there, too. This would be good for all of you while maintaining peace in your marital home. Good luck, @diamond1880!
Continue living in separate houses, that will definitely give all of you peace. But if possible to reduce the distance by either she moving closer or you moving closer, it may help too. Your kid is 3.4, many kids start pre nursery at 2.5. 3.5 is a lower kindergarten/ nursery age. So your kid is ready for the outside world. So even if his nursery is from 9-12. Its gona be a matter of taking care of him for another 5-6 hours. You can opt for day care either closer to office or home, whichever would be convenient. N in just two years as a first grader, his school time would be a lot longer. So getting him used to the nursery n the day care timing would help him. Be thankful you had your moms help for those 3 important years (as day care option wouldn't have worked then) n now your kid can be independent n will get better from here.
can you find your mom a place close to your home? It will be nice to have your mom close to you for your sake and your moms. 19km is bit far. Even with daycare and school, will you be able to pick up your kids on time?
