Vismaya Dowry Death.

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by chanchitra, Jun 25, 2021.

  1. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, I agree parents should support their daughters... but I don’t have the heart to blame parents in this case. They did what they could to their ability... they filed a case against Kiran once they came to know of the physical abuses... That didn’t go anywhere because so many people argued for Kiran, even their own daughter.. maybe they thought he can be fixed..maybe she also thought he can be fixed. No one saw him for the real abuser he was! Here the real loss is for her family... Their pain which will never leave them for the rest of their life.. The lowlife Kiran will get out of the jail and will start afresh, I am sure he will be married again and live a guilt free life..I don’t think he has any conscience... but Vismaya’s parents are the real losers here... I don’t have the heart to put blame on them now, maybe it’s just me!
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    In this lockdown, i've been watching way too many TV serials. Number of inane behaviors written in the scripts of such shows for the actors to portray. Includes horrible parents, more horrible inlaws, clueless young husbands, even more clueless young wives, and everyone forced to live in collective families with plotting aunts/uncles SILs and BILs. If only guns/ammo were freely/easily available, there'd be a massacre in such collectives.

    So long as parents are paying money to buy husbands for their daughters, such tragic things would continue to happen.

    Some day in the future, Keralite parents would reconcile to have their daughters be educated/employed and make a living on their own without the need for a marriage. And those who hanker for grandkids would marry their daughters to fictitious Dubai-gone son-in-laws, and find alternate means to get to their grandkids. Eventually daughters and sons will all avoid marriages and live happily ever after.
     
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  3. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, true ! What alarming is all concerned people are educated in most of the cases ! In Kerala I read about 3 or 4 cases within a week... Two of them were graduated in nursing, one was working and earning a decent amount. Yes, this is happening to educated self sufficient woman too..
     
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  4. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    As long as parents are asking for money for their sons Marriage, these tragic things will happen.
    Why is there any undue pressure on a girl to marry after 25 years old.
    Even parents with sons have justified dowry in this indusladies forum.
    Everyone needs to change.
    Can't blame the girls parents alone.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why does blame have to be assigned? Can it be fairly assigned based only on what we read about this case?

    If you can't do more of the good, do less of the bad. Switch off the TV.

    I see it a little differently - so long as most women go on to lead happy enough lives with husbands that their parents bought for them, the practice will continue.

    A common refrain after such tragic incidents is that parents should educate the girl child, make her financially independent and her marriage should be treated as nice-to-have, not a must-do by this-age.

    That, IMO, is much easier to say than execute in real life. Competition for admission to colleges is crazy. Not every girl is interested in a college degree. Not every college degree or vocational course training leads to a job that earns enough for the girl to support herself. Not every girl has what it takes to live life as a single.

    More than social pressure, "log kya kahenge" what will people say, it is the fear and worry of how will the girl survive after we are gone that makes parents aim for getting her married by the socially accepted age.
     
  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Mentality of all the people need to change. As soon as girl completes graduation, (in this case not even completed studies) talks start among relatives that it is now marriageable age and start hunt for suitable boy. They are unnecessarily creating a pressure on the girl, her parents with their casual statement. Why hurry, let the girl finish studies, get a good job or career and be stable enough. People unnecessarily create mental pressures by reminding that a girl has to get married. Such stupid people need to shut their mouth first.

    And i feel.all.the serials too should be banned. If not relatives, the boys parents get stupid ideas that if a boy has good government job he can get good dowry. Highly shameful that even in this age , rich people ask n give dowry in marriage.

    Marriage age should be changed to 25 for girls, atleast some will have some more maturity in understanding people.
     
  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    தமிழ்நாட்டிலும் கேரள சம்பவம்... வரதட்சனையால் தற்கொலை செய்து கொண்ட இளம் பெண்!
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Such devastating news. I wonder what went through the mother’s mind when her newly wed daughter came home and told her that her husband routinely abused her prior to marriage, for talking to boys in the college, and she kept it from her parents. That she felt her boyfriend did it out of his love for her. That her friends knew about it and called it jealousy. If I were the mother, I would have blamed myself for this.

    These days, when young women are dating and finding their own spouses, maybe we should be talking to them about boundaries. We should be educating them about red flags. We should be open enough to relationships or friendships to be able to talk to young girls about the possibility of a boy friend abusing them. They should be able to recognize emotional and physical abuse and should know that they can talk to their parents about it.
    This beautiful soul, I wish she had the understanding of red flags and the ability to walk out.

    Parenting is so hard. It’s harder in weeks like this. We often evaluate and reevaluate our lives based on things we experience or others divulge. I can’t get the picture of Vismaya out of my mind. Those poor poor parents. They are not going to be able to recover from this.

    I personally think the best thing today’s parents can do while raising kids is to teach them boundaries and to show them that walking away is sometimes the best choice. We can talk about society changing and money and jewelry not changing hands but that’s a broader outlook. Each parent in their own home can bring about personality changes in little women. I would like to see more open discussions in India about relationships, red flags and clear boundaries.

    I wish this wasn’t the outcome for Vismaya. RIP.
     
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    What is wrong with society when almost a kilogram of gold and an expensive car are not enough for a greedy young man?
     
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  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Even the ones with the highest TRP ratings ? :confundio1::facepalm:
    Perhaps just like Alcohol and Tobacco products get warnings on screen when the serial character uses them -- there could be warnings on other unhealthful things -- like marriage, and in-laws. That could fix it ?
     

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