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Visiting parents

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by pacer, Feb 21, 2010.

  1. pacer

    pacer New IL'ite

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    My DH and I live in the US with 2 kids. My IL came in 2009 for six months to help when i had my second kid. Them my parents came for 1 month. Now both parents and IL are back in India. They are missing our kids a lot and keep asking when will we come to India ? My dad also had a surgery few weeks ago, when I planned to go but postponed as he recovered fast.
    My parents home is very nice, comfort wise, while my IL is very uncomforatable, and I mean very really. Lack of space, no proper water or bathroom etc.. Plus I am not very fond of them either. Now the problem is that I do feel like going to India and seeing my parents but the thought of staying in ILs house (for equal amt of days) just makes me ill. The onl y reason why I would consider going this yr is to see my dad. But I keep avoiding the discussion with my mom, who is getting very emotional these days. Usually we go only every 2 yrs. It has not been even 6 months that everyone left and they are emotionally pressuring us to come.

    I feel selfish to avoid going to India this yr. I just want some time for myself and kids this yr. Last yr I was preganant, kad kid, had post partum depression, IL, my parents.. Plus cant handle my IL's home at all. My DH is neutral, he says we can go if I want to go. I feel horrible inside. Suggestions ?
     
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  2. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi pacer,

    The great thing is that your husband is fine with your decision(U r lucky!! :thumbsup)
    My suggestion - you should spend atleast a few days at ur ILs place(need nt be equal to the days u stay at ur place)...For your DH's happiness.
     
  3. ranjuz

    ranjuz Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My suggestion is same... As ur IL came & helped u after delivery etc., they should be good... Think of atleast one thing good in them. U will be able to go & stay there.. Also they will be as eager as ur parents to see & stay with the kid normally... so u can stay a few days there also..
    Always think that ur DH is what he is now as they brought him up well..
    As u love ur kids, they loved him..
    All the best.
     
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Do they (ILs and parents) live in the same city? If yes, then you can stay at your momma's house while allowing your DH to stay with his parents as long as he wants. You can vist them more often (if possible daily) and your elder child can spend a couple of nights with his dad at his paternal grand parents home, while you can take your little child to their place more often.

    By doing this both you and your parents will be happy with your presence and your convenience. At the same time, your ILs will be happy to have their son with them, and grand kids either stay with them for few days or visit them daily.. and their DIL also doing the same:)

    But if both families live in different cities, then you really need to plan and compromise a bit.. If not for your IL, at least for your wonderful understanding hubby.

    You can spend a couple of days at your ILs house with your kids.. A couple of days adjustment is not a huge deal.. You need to manage somehow. I hope you can.

    Then, you can visit your parents and spend relatively a long time there.. It is not necessary for your hubby to spend his holidays with you at your momma's place always, so you can allow him to spend some more days with his parents if he wants. Also as I said before, if your elder son can manage a few days with his dad, please consider sending him there for a couple of days. Your generosity will be really appriciated by both your ILs and DH.
     
  5. Deepali_deepali

    Deepali_deepali Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Pacer,

    There are certain things where we don't have to see our comfort only.. You are so lucky to have an understanding husband and caring ILs.. If you wish to go, you should not give much thought and spend time with both parents with same love..Just think, what if your hubby felt same ?? Why don't you ask your hubby to make few renovations done at your ILs home, after all its your home..I don't think that could be a problem with his parents..

    Give your ILs same love that they showed at your pregnancy time, believe me you will feel great..This will make your hubby happy too..

    Rest you know your decision.. This was just my opinion..

    Tk care..
     

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