Namaskaram/Namaste to all I'm newly married. It's been only 8 months. I come from a trad 'Namam wearing' family and married an Iyer. I don't have a MIL, died many years ago. DH and SIL were raised by grandparents and Appa. I had to give a background because what I'll be posting ahead has a connection to it. 1. Good things They are very accepting. They have a cook for the last 10 years something I could have never imagined in my mother's house. (I was very close to my grandma and I grew up celebrating all festivals in grand manner.) They genuinely like me and my FIL openly praises me in front of relatives and enjoys my cooking too. My SIL is also a no nonsense girl and doesn't interfere. DH too doesn't bother much and is busy in his world. Relatives don't interfere. Athai/Mami etc aren't permitted to pass remarks. Thanks to my FIL for this We live a floor above. That's practically only our bedroom and whole day we spend time at FIL's house. I have a 93 yo grand mil with whom I get along well. She treats me like her granddaughter and she's my granny. 2. The downside Unclean must be an understatement. I had to pester them to get rid of pests. House was filled with roaches and bed bugs. I have cleanliness OCD. I CAN'T imagine not bathing twice a day. Every single corner of their house is dirty. I wouldn't care much if it's unclean. I tried cleaning a lot in the beginning but they didn't appreciate it much. Their reply was - unclean environment bothers you, not us so make peace with it. I can't stand nor could I sleep because of bed bugs. With lot of difficulty and fight with DH I got pest control done in both homes. It came to our house because they travel. I must be spent a bomb in getting rid of them. My FIL is amused that I fear pests so much. I fake that I fear them. Truth is I HATE them. They are back again in FIL's house and this time they refusing to get pest control done. My FIL told me last time that I fear them because I'm not used to them. Idhula edho nalla gunam aa?? It's not like they are not wealthy. They have enough wealth and it doesn't cost much to be clean. It costs a lot to be dirty. They are happy in their dungeon. I care little to be honest because it's their space but I fear they'd travel again to my house as DH often sits on the bed infested with bugs. He doesn't care about these things. I empathise that the pest smell can be troublesome for oldies. But, how long am I going to make this stretch? Once kids come, I cannot imagine my children growing up in unclean environment. They don't mind dead roaches lying on their clothes. My SIL has stuffed so many of her items that it will take a lifetime to declutter. Is there anyone else who's gone through the same? Personal hygiene itself is very poor, forget about the house. They don't like celebrating festivals much as well. On the contrary I love festivals and was raised in such a household. Often I end up slogging alone. When I requested for pest control again and they refused, I didn't speak to them for 4 days and they thought that I'm unwell. I was disturbed that they don't see what I want to say at the same time I knew that they'd never ever know. As for my DH, he's clear that I should make peace with the way they are. Which is a smart response as changing ppl is impossible. Seeking solution to knock sense in either me or them. P.S. I try to keep my house clean but I'm sure that with time I'd have to move in with FIL as he will be alone. He's a genuinely nice person but I've given up that they'd change yet at the same time I get paranoid thinking what my children will face.