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Very Disturbed...early Baby And Inlaws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Needtobestrong, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @Needtobestrong, congratulations on your baby! :)

    Tell your doctor what is going on at home and ask the doctor to talk to your DH for you.

    Often MILs claim to know everything because of their personal experience with pregnancy and childbirth. But your DH will accept the doctor's knowledge and experience over his mother's.

    This will also save you from having to be the bad guy.

    Good luck!
     
  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Next time, if your MIL or your husband sing saga of motherly sacrifice of MIL, just tell them even animal give birth and brought up their offspring, no big deal...
     
  3. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    As @Amica says... they say that from personal experience they know everything as they have seen soooo many babies and supervised many deliveries...
    They pretend that they have lot of medical knowledge and whatever the doctor told is bulls**t...
    Then why are specialists spending so many years in medical training, if whatever they say is useless?just give MBBS MD degree to Any Tom Dick and Harry.
    By the way, doctor has given instructions in front of everyone but they conveniently ignore it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2016
    Amica likes this.
  4. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Remind DH that medical knowledge is increasing every day. New diseases which were unknown earlier can be treated and even prevented now. Infections such as zika and chikungunya are now a threat. Times have changed and elders' knowledge is outdated.

    When talking to DH, praise MIL for her expertise in other things, but insist that health issues are best handled by a medical professional.

    Stress the risk to his baby rather than to yourself. ILs may have consideration for their grandchild even if they have none for you.

    Weapon of last resort: Stop trying to reason with them, just go ahead and follow doctor's orders. Be stubborn if that's the only way left.

    Good luck, @Needtobestrong!
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  5. sabarimathi

    sabarimathi Gold IL'ite

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    Imagine the reversal of the scenario wherein the doctor has given instructions and you are contemplating on ignoring it, what all Hells will break loose, should break loose now. Come what may, pick up your fights. Plan and act wisely. Good luck
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    I feel like everyone is against me these days in inlaws place... No one has one supportive word for me...either I'm criticised because I take rest in daytime to catch up on sleep or because I lost my job and not contributing to home expenses or because I m following doctor instructions..
    I don't have a say in household expenditures at all...
    I feel a sense of guilt when I see my kid...I somehow feel I did some mistake to have that premature labour...maybe I should have consulted better doctor who could manage my pregnancy related complication...maybe I could have gone to clinic when I had smallest symptom of infection...maybe I should have refused to go and travel anywhere..,,maybe I should have gone on full bed rest..is it the way i was sitting or standing or due to some mistake in food or water intake..
    Everyone says forget d past..but I feel incredibly guilty along with other things.
    I feel weak n tired..
    Praying God to give me strength and courage..
     
  7. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP, pre term babies are normal babies. They are born slightly earlier. They grow to be the normal kids. I know its a little more time that we spend at the hospital, but that's it, nothing more to it. I have had one, so I understand what it is. You don't need to feel so low just coz the baby has arrived before time. It's perfectly alright.

    You know, an astrologer once told on tv, birth and death are in no one's control. If we are destined to have the baby at that particular moment, so be it. Why are you feeling so guilty? It's for you to look after the baby now and give her better care and love. So just let go of this one feeling, please. Half your burden will lessen and you can concentrate on other things.
     
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  8. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for ur reassurance.
    Also kindly reply to below thread created in parenting forum
    Preterm Baby Care
    I m looking for inputs from parents of premature kids..I'm yet to get response for my query.
     
  9. curiousgals78

    curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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    @Needtobestrong,
    you have a wonderful userid. please stay strong. preterm babies happen. my friends had preterm babies. they are all doing wonderfully now. they just need little extra care. its not your fault. dont let guilt take its toll on you. if you become weak who will be there for your baby. it doesnt matter you are working or not just ask your hubby to get you the stuff you need for the baby. or tell them to care for the baby while you go out to get the things. goto your parents for a little bit. please dont put any expectations on your inlaws. they dont care. i cannot give a reason for this but somehow they are designed like this. they are inlaws and think they are here to put stupid laws for daughter in law.
    dont care about them. involve your hubby into taking care of the baby. dont hesitate in that. he needs bonding with the baby too. just be your normal self. dont think about what they will think of you. think about yourself and baby. keep calling the baby doctor if you need advice.
    stay strong and be blessed. all my hugs to you and the baby.
     
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