1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Useless Friendship!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Proud_indian, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. Proud_indian

    Proud_indian New IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Ladies,
    Sorry if its the right forum to post about friends - but I have no other option, probably we need to request Malathy for Issues with Friends too.
    Let me give you a brief background - I am in late 20's,married for 4 years and had a son of 2, working for a top notch MNC as a Project head and earning handsome salary at a very early age. My parents are proud of me and my husband is a nice man. No complaints on personal end except issues with MIL, which is altogether a different story.
    Now I want to speak about few friends in my life which are making my life as hell. As we all know ignorance is a bliss, but can't quite few things. I am a kind of person who likes friends somuch and do whatever is possible for their sake without any issues. We can say its an unconditional freindship.
    Till my graduation, I was most sought after girl due to various reasons like intelligence,beauty,friendly nature,helping and kind. Ofcourse I still believe people like to spend time with me. But my terrible time began when I joined in my Post graduation which is 7 years back in a different state. That was the first time I was away from home and there were no friends even. Everybody joined as a group and used to maintain group. But for me I am alone, so was waiting for somebody who will accept me as friends.
    For their selfish reasons, few people did friendship and after that they left!I feel so.I was used. During this time, one guy proposed me and may be due to soft corner, I too accepted...but due to issues at home we broke up....but everybody in my class know about our courtship and thought that we would marry somehow. But didn't happen and we both took differnt paths, and I got married, later he too got married. Due to this, almost male freinds completely stopped talking with me, I dont know the reason, may be feeling bad about my character. But it was mutual consent and we just dont want to create any troubles as we both were matured in mind sets.
    Immediately after my studies, I got placed in a very reputed organization and I am the first who succeeded in getting good job iwth a very decent salary. So, started my professional life, leaving my marriage choice to my dad. After one and half year, my PG classmate joined in my room, as she also got planced in a small time orgn with a very less salary compared to me. But I was okay, because I am getting my friends/classmates back. I truely believe them her as my friend. She joined in my flat, but due to her less salary, I used to pay rent,food and everything. She enjoyed my company.Later couple of other friends with someother souce also joined for job search. So, completely I took care of entire expenditure and almost made it for another one year.....not a problem as they were my friends. Later I got married and came to my husband. Within few months, everybody got settled and got married and I even went for their marriages.
    But I observed that they started ignoring me alone which I faced during my college days. Those three friends who shared my flat, I thought they are the best friends because they used to behave in such a way.
    You know one thing, now we are all staying almost 2-3 Kms radius with near by offices and they are settled too. But nobody really invited me to thier homes till now? But whenever I called/mailed them - sometimes they ignore my mail, sometimes they pick my call and tell that they are quite busy. I dont know if they are really or just trying to avoid me.
    I am the person who supported them during their pain period in all possible ways, but they are avoiding me only. But they all meet and share their experiences, which I come to know incidentally. I feel very bad and they dont even try to infor me about their meeting.
    I thought of spending sometime with friends during weekends, but they dont invite at all. But I invited them to my home few times and they had lunch and dinner and I gave them good sari as a tradition of giving to newly wed couple. For me, inturn no invitation at all. I can't go without their invitation right?
    Can you tell me, where I had gone wrong???I know they are busy in personal lives, but definitely they can spend few mins iwth me also whenever they all met. I am a person who can't demand for anything. But I miss my friends.Is the right behavior on their part???
    Though I initiate to meet, they simply ignore it/say some other reason to escape. Though couple of times we met, but I ended up in paying huge restaurant bills which I thought they can also share as they are also earnig memebers.
    Recently they were sharing family photos in picasa, but I am not being informed about the link and got it through a different freind. Whenever there is a function at my home,I dont miss to invite them like my baby shower,my kid's b'day. They come with their family but they dont care to invite me for the same in their homes.
    So, this is all my story, do I need to ignore them?
    Am I over reacting??
    Is it good for their part just avoiding a person who stood up for them during their panic days.
    I shouldn't expect anything inturn???
     
    Loading...

  2. vennelaaaa

    vennelaaaa Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    11
    Trophy Points:
    35
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Proudindian,
    You are definetely not overreacting and expecting from friends is so common especially because you have done so much for them; I don't see you going wrong anywhere. It is just that you unfortunately have a bad set of friends. Coming to the behaviour of your friends, they are just a bunch of ungrateful people. They might be avoiding you due to any complexes they have developed on their own.
    I personally feel that the best things to do is to ignore those ungrateful friends. They are totally not worth your friendship. You have a lovely family. And given your understanding and helping nature, I am sure you will find other great friends in your life ahead.
     
  3. Proud_indian

    Proud_indian New IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi vennelaaa,
    Thanks for your words. Yes, I am also moving on with my life and I know I am far better than them in all aspects in life. If they develop some complexes, I am not responsible, but why I am suffering???They dont bother to call/invite/mail.....
     
  4. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,

    One suggestion - Why don't you mail all of them how you feel..and why are they behaving so strange. If they were your true friends, they would come back.
    If not, they never were!! And then you ignore them. Better late but you found out that they are not your true friends.
     
  5. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,086
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    From my experience... I think you rarely find a friend in people these days... they are opportunists who can USE you if you let them to.

    You're an over emotional, over dedicated person also SUCCESSFUL which maynot be digestable to people around you.

    Typical female mentality works only around 2 aspects competition & jealousy.... They are harbouring those against you & taking you for granted as you have a soft heart and will go overboard to do things for others... just back off & dont approach them until they come to you.

    I also learnt it the hard way.
     
  6. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    129
    Trophy Points:
    128
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Proud_indian,
    Looks like you have been taken for a ride and used by people whom you thought were trustworthy!! They seemed to have taken you for granted when in need and then done away with you for good! The world does not end with them, trust me when I say this!
    You are someone , I'm sure, who deserves to be in better company in life and your experience with these kind of people will make you cautious!
    March ahead and stop giving them so much importance that they ruin your day!
     
  7. roses_bloom

    roses_bloom Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    I can understand how hurtful this situation must be for you. afterall, you were there for them when they were in need, you were an unconditional friend, and now that they dont need anything from you, they are ignoring you. It's really sad and I'm sorry that you have to deal with this.

    I think you need to drop these friends ASAP!
    - stop inviting them over to your place in an effort to be friendly. they are not reciprocating with respect.
    - Get new friends. Now that you know not everyone is trustworthy start new and make life long friends.
    - Finally, stop obsessing over them. they are not worth your time.

    I would not recommend sending them an email telling them how you feel and putting yourself out there like that. It's really not worth it and they don't need to feel that they are so important that you need an explanation.

    These so called friends have only taken from you without giving back. Simply move on and remove these people from your life.
     
  8. Proud_indian

    Proud_indian New IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Janani,
    Thanks for your words! But I totally lost trust in true freindship.
    I dont know if I can grow any true freinds now, because I can't trust them at all.
     
  9. Proud_indian

    Proud_indian New IL'ite

    Messages:
    41
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    Aruna,
    I dont know that really works out!! They may feel that I am craving for ther friendship and further start ignoring.
    But its already late.
     
  10. kanthaeikon

    kanthaeikon Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    987
    Likes Received:
    331
    Trophy Points:
    190
    Gender:
    Female
    dear proud indian
    This happened in my life also. you have to ignore them and they are nor worth it.
    you have lovely friends in this ilties circle. you spend your time here and you get lot of ideas and supporting words.
    God bless you my dear.
    kantha
     

Share This Page