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Urgent Advice Needed On Mil Badmouthing Me In Front Of Husband Behind My Back

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Mar 19, 2020.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    hi we are all stuck at home due to this virus ....my inlaws are talking daily
    they call my husband and never me but thats fine
    i heard the whole conversaton from the other room and my mil was complaining my husband that she messaged me on whatsapp and didnt get the reply back...she said it very nicely but made sure to tell him
    forst of all when you are talking so frequently how does it matter if i didnt reply within matter of hours ? and then this complain which she does all the time nicely .If i say something to him that she was complaining and she always does that very nicely, i will be the bad person and he will fight with me that she was just saying. She always make sure to tell him if she does even a cent of thing for me or if she calls to me once in 6 month . I'm fed up of this lady now and dnt know how to handle this without a fight
    also later he brught the phone to me to talk to her. In the entie conversation, she didnt even ask once about kids or me .They are very showy kind of people.they are acting very nice in front of my husband and pretending that they care and calling .Infact all they care is to make sure their son doesnt leave them for some reason ...

    also when she talked to me she said yesterday i talked to your mom.she never calls my mom, but my mom called her .but she said it very smartly in a way that as if she called....ad becomes this nice person in front of my husband. This is not a one time thing.This behaviour is a constnt act that i see all the time.
    I dnt know what to do with her...she spoils my peace...
    also if i want to tell my husband that she does this chugly kind all the time, he fights....

    what should i do ? just let it go or talk to him or something else? i'm tired of her doing such things all the time and going behind my back to act like shes very caring for me...
    if my mom messages and i get busy with kids home etc , she never complains or reminds or tell that she messaged ...she picks up the phone and talk to me...this is like a sunana..shes already talking to husband and then making sure to tell him that i didnt reply...it was so obvious ..she made sure to say this at the end of the conversation
     
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Stop overheating conversation for peace of your own mind .
     
  3. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    Op sorry to be blunt here.
    Your ranting looks very silly for me.

    First of all stop overhearing the conversation no matter how tempting it is. Leave the mother son talk their stuff in private. Whether it's about you or anyone else it shouldn't bother you.
    You are conveniently branding their conversation as "complaining against you " .

    Secondly she said she talked to your mom. That's a phrase one will use when a person talks to someone else . If your expectation is she will tell your mom called and we talked and she didn't meet that expectation there's nothing to complain and rant about. Yes your mom is a nice human being, she called your MIL and they spoke. Simple matter isn't it.

    Many people including my in laws, your MIL etc talk very nice things In front of others. Sugar coating the words just so that world thinks they are the best. Most are like this in this world and very few call spade a spade. But that should'nt bother you.

    Move on from these small matters. They aren't worth your timE. Ignore them royally. The way you ignore them should give a hint to them they are the least important person for you. After all you shouldn't be putting your time and energy on such people.
     
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  4. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I was in the next room and could hear everything.. didn’t hear it purposely
    I want to stay away from them but they dnt let me. Husband wants me to respect her like GOD because she is so nice to talk
     
  5. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I will take your advice to live on since it’s not worth my piece .. I was in the next room and could hear everything not purposely
    You said it so right that this is the world where people sugar coat and make them look very nice .. I just need to stay away from these kinds who does this to the own famil
     
    Anusha2917 likes this.
  6. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    :) tell this next time he tells you she's to be treated like a God. This is what I have told in past to my hubby too.
    God for you but MIL for me. I give them all the respect they deserve from a DIL. I don't badmouth about them, I don't wish them bad, I don't take their suggestions but I immensely respect them as my "in laws" . That's the max I can do from my end.

    Counter question him if he respects your mom/dad like God. They won't tell that again
     
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  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    If you overhear tell the other person that you are able to hear the conversation and ask them to tone it down .
     
    Meghaa likes this.
  8. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    I wouldn't blame you if you purposefully hear the conversation between your MIL and DH. For me, there is no such thing as private conversation when it comes to family. I need to know everything, so I listen to all the conversations that my DH has. He talks on speaker phone all the time and tell the other person, this helps me to jump in if needed.

    With your case, she is already talking bad stuff about you, if it were about me, I would listen more carefully!!!!
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Ignore this . Dont make it a big issue.

    Two things you can do. Avoid direct communication with her over phone or WhatsApp .

    When you call, talk only when your husband is there and with speaker on . Make sure you talk respectfully to her in front of him.

    Create a WhatsApp group with you, your dh and his mom or dad. Message only to that group not individually. So if she complains in future that you didn't reply, you can say your dh was also there..

    In this way your communication with her will be transparent to your dh and she can't blame you. if so, your DH will have full evidence
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2020
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  10. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    According to me there is nothing wrong in overhearing the conversation. It’s human tendency to know what the other people are talking in your absence.
    If you wouldn’t have heard the conversation you may not know what bad mouthing she does about you.
    You can be more cautious with her next time.


    @DDream has already given good suggestion.
     
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