Unity In A Journey Called Marriage And Life

I have pondered on some similar imponderables many times, each time with a varying level of frustration, resignation, and at times, blessed bemusement only.

I once wanted to start a thread that asked: "If marriage is a garden, why is the woman the sole gardener? Why is she the one who plans the landscape, shops for the seeds and plants, does the planting, irrigation, weeding, keeping the birds, squirrels and gophers away, ask neighbor to water when on vacation... why is the entire garden planning, maintenance, and periodic upgrades her job only?"

This one line summarizes it well: Why should I need to ask, for your empathy to shine?
Why does the woman have to keep training the man, well into the second or third decade of marriage, how to show empathy. Is it too much to expect the empathy to shine without having to switch it on like a light? Why are women expected to play detective, and look and find empathy in the many other tasks of routine care that the man performs?

A mother will look closely at the child's artwork and find something to praise or remark positively about. A wife shouldn't have to look so hard and eke out the barest signs of empathy from a man. That need in a marriage should not be so hard to get met. No?

Not a ramble, not a vent, just some thought aloud thoughts. The "Why should I need to ask" made me think the above thoughts.

Indian men, in particular, put in less effort in these areas. They expect that providing for the family, and being a "good" husband and father is itself a big deal, why is she fussing about things like empathy, connection, emotional availability etc. Why can't she just be happy?

 

Men are simple beings. Given a task or to-do, either assigned to them or that they self-assign, they will do it to a reasonable best of their ability. Women will wipe their very entity away to complete a task or to-do.

Let's see what @Thoughtful says.