Uninvited Sibling's Wedding - Issues Around/confused

This is just not a vent but also a request from all you.


Need your valuable inputs/thoughts around this whole thing. I am 27 yrs old, married for 1.5yrs with no kids. Now I married before my elder sister who is 2 years elder to me. It wasn’t my decision, not my choice. My parents wanted her to get married right after collage and for almost 5 years she kept giving reasons to put off and also stated she is not interested in getting married. She was in a relationship since her collage days and it was always on and off, they had their own problems and she wouldn’t want to marry nor solve issues with him. She was always confused about what she wants and how she wants it in her life. This caused a lot of pressure at home, at one point my parents decided to start looking for alliances for me since I am aging too.


Amongst all this, my best friend proposed me for marriage (we were never in love). I agreed and bought this to the family and clearly stated I will marry only after my sister. My parents were not very happy but they knew him well and were ok with time. Now when families met, lot of drama happened between the families. My husband was in love with me and hence his mom made sure we got married the same year (2015). I was not ok marrying before my sister but my parents were also like having two girls is more a social pressure and were ok getting me married.


After everything was set, the discomfort between families grew with various topics related to menu for wedding, location, dates, etc everything was an issue. To make it worse, I was not involved in anything (not even basic stuff). I let go things, I let everything happen. Just 3 days before the wedding I & my mother had a very bad argument. I was quite until then, spoke nothing thinking it will be disrespectful and understanding their perspective, struggle in life. But at one point when my mother spoke ill about my to be husband, myself, our characters, called us names, our future and said we both will never do well in life. I couldn’t take it.


My mother has always been extremely abusive right from our childhood, but she meant the world to me. No matter what I did or she did I would apologize even when it wasn’t my mistake. But at the stage of getting married/ starting a new phrase when my very own wished bad, used words I couldn’t take it anymore. I yelled back first time ever in life. I told her no mom would ever wish things that she is wishing for me.


Long story short – My family broke all ties with me. My mother being very influential and bossy stopped my father being in touch with me, brother blames me for spoiling the peace. Only sister would talk to me, keep in touch with me. I moved to US after few months of wedding. Despite knowing I am not wrong I still apologized to my mom, said I was angry and I still love her the way I did ALWAYS. “ALL MY LIFE”. She dint care, no matter what I did. Eventually dad stopped talking too. My aunt said I spoiled my sister’s life and what not.


I was too hurt, lonely like an orphan. No friends, no family, no one to ask if I am dead or alive. But I was always strong, stood and still continued doing everything I could for them. Nothing has changed them. Since I was in touch with my sister I knew what was happening in her life. I supported her in many ways when my parents dint, because I always cared, I loved my family more than anything. Just because I married someone else out of the community they named me abusive words, questioned my loyalty towards them. Last 1.5 years haven’t been easy for me.


Now last weekend I get to know my sister is finally getting married to the same guy after all the drama and fuss she created in the family over these years. But all are happy with it, they are checking for dates for the wedding. I was thrilled to hear that, I was glad she was settling down, sign of relief for my parents and sign of relief for me in many more ways.


My family broke all the ties with me & my husband’s family right after my wedding. According to my conversation with my sister, they have no plans to invite us for the wedding. I have been thinking what I should be doing here. I feel I should still fly to India and attend the wedding. My husband being very selfless person thinks I should still do my part and I shouldn’t worry about not being invited.


My only concern is what if they really don’t invite my husband’s family. My MIL is not going to be very happy about it & the fact I will be attending the wedding. Yes it’s my family & my sister I don’t need an invite but between families it different and I don’t want to spoil anything for myself with my ILs. Already things haven’t been very pleasant.


Sincere apology for the long post. I will look forward to hear from all you ILs here.

 

@Gaiya3 Thank you for your response! Yes, its always different with women. Sometimes I feel like there is no place called "Home". Our families don't remain the same after wedding & with in-laws its a different story all together.