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Unhappy With Husbands Behavior

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by helpmeplz, Aug 23, 2017.

  1. helpmeplz

    helpmeplz Junior IL'ite

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    We are married for 7 years now living in US very decent life , should say 80 % happy , 20 % unhappy due to my in law and my husband behavior once in a while
    we came to visit my parents as they are preparing for my sisters daughter saree function and also some other festivals. it is a 4 day event . i came one month ahead of my husband he stayed back due to work , i stayed with my parents and went to my in laws 3 times in one month , unluckily we live 30 min apart in same city my husband gets angry as i am not taking my kid to my in laws house
    he says it is my duty to take the kid there , my in laws never show up at my house
    any how after my husband came i stayed in in laws house for one week and later the function started ,

    My in laws have brainwashed my husband saying bad things about my sister and their family , they keep saying that my sister family will take all the property since we live in US , so they started a new drama.

    they came to the function and started behaving weirdly , one day my husband would say he is not treated well as he did not get food on time , on function day the lunch got delayed and was served around 3 pm , he got very angry and went into bedroom and said he is not going to eat and said he is going to hotel to get food , me and my parents had console him but he did not listen and i got angry and shouted on him , we had a huge fight , atlast his mom brought some food which he ate and said he is not going to eat from my hand.

    I was sitting and crying during that function when my cousin came to invite me to get pictures and and at the same time my in laws also entered the room , i said i don't like taking picture with fake smile , my in law also asked me to take pictures but i said the same thing to them.

    they went out , and when i went out they requested again to take the picture , i kept quiet , my FIL got very angry and shouted at my dad saying that he did not raise me properly to respect elderly , i just took the picture and went inside.

    next day none of them show up at the party and on third day where there is pooja he came alone without family , my husband is very frustrated when asked to sit for pooja , he is asked to very dhoti and shawl , but he was very angry , later he complained of not have place near pooja as my sister and her husband are sitting close to main pooja and we are behind , he complained multiple time and than again saying that my sister and her husband are being taken care off by my parents than him or my parents are not giving any respect to him.

    Now on the final day , my Fil got upset that i didn't greeted him during the party , he started going to all the relatives and started saying that we were not raised properly and not respecting them.

    after all this drama , my husband along with his family came to my house, i was expecting that he came to pick me up and i was getting ready , i told him i will stay for few more days with my parents , so he agreed for it ,

    But he called for a meeting with my parents , he started saying that there is no respect to his family in my house and keep saying that sister family is being treated better and their family is being respected more than his and said they are scared to leave my property undivided and asked for division and transfer on my name right away. Luckily they did not fight or anything , but they sat down and asked for this in very normal conversation tone. During this argument he started flirting with me as well when no one was looking and kept smiling at me i was very angry on him ultimately my dad had to make some promises and every one went calm and had a dinner and left.
    when his family went to have dinner , we were alone in bedroom and we had lot of argument and i was shouting but he keeps looking at me smiling and trying to flirt more and more ,

    Ultimately i gave up and we kissed and than i restarted the argument about why he behaved like that.
    He kept calm. I feel so frustrated as when ever i leave him alone his family will always brain wash him and he kind of blindly believes what ever they say to him.

    But when he doesn't talk to his parents , we never have any fight and he seems to be such a nice husband to have.
    Not sure how to deal with this for my whole life
     
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  2. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Why are husband and IL's so interested in your share of the parents property ? That's between you and your parents . It's your parents property now and they should hold on to it . You need to make it clear to the husband that it's not his or his parents business. Tell him to focus on his career and work on his financial assets rather than relying on the inlaws property.
    Your husband is acting like a bratty 5 yr old, throwing tantrums. Talk to him firmly when he is in a flirty mood next time , without the in laws.
     
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  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Why are your inlaws and husband so concerned about your ancestral property? Honestly, I don't believe this is something that should have reached this level. The property will eventually be your's NOT your husband's, so I wouldn't really worry on that end.

    I think it's really important that you tell your husband that this is something that you could have fought for yourself, but thank him for defending your property from your parents. Also mention that you felt disrespected by his behavior during this trip and something like this should NEVER happen again. If he thinks that being flirty is a good way to get out of the disagreement that respect goes both ways. Probably try in a nice way.
     
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  4. helpmeplz

    helpmeplz Junior IL'ite

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    well my husband is nice until his parents talk to him , than he starts asking about my property and when my dad is going to register that on my name , and keeps saying that since we are in US they might not divide the property between two sisters equally. we fight for a couple of days , over things get back to normal we have happy days and than again starts when ever he gets call from India.
    Now that i was in India for a month before him , he got ample time to talk to his parents most of the time , because he is not busy when he gets back home , and i am hoping he will get back to normal once we return home.
    but i try to explain that every time if some one says some thing please first think about it and than talk rather than blindly believing every word that comes out your parents
    It is hard for him to not believe his parents word and he acts upon that without thinking , that is what the biggest problem i am facing , and his parents mostly talk about getting my property registered and that is the only thing they talk about all the time
     
  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    ur parents need their property until they are present in this world. Make it clear to in-laws n husband. Ask ur parents also to make it clear to ur husband and in-laws that they won't register any property now in their daughter's name. Stand firm .
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When this girl gets married, come alone and make suitable excuses for your husband and in-laws not attending it. Such tantrums don't go away even when people grow older.

    The timing and their way of bringing up the topic is not appropriate, but such fears are not always unfounded. Maybe they have a somewhat valid point even though it is not directly their business.

    About husband's brainwashing... let a few weeks go by after you return to the U.S. By Halloween, or latest by thanksgiving, he will be back to the state of before going to India.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op,Is your husband always such an immature entitled brat?
    Don't blame in laws...they have a son who can't use his brain.
    His family seems pretty immature too.

    Looks like some of it rubbed on you too. Why the hell were you creating drama in your own family's function with the crying and refusing to be clicked ? Seriously???
    I pity your parents. They can't have a function without such drama from you and your marital family.
    Try to keep them apart unless absolutely necessary.

    So all this drama for property!!!!
    In a fair world,your father could have asked his son in law's father if he has distributed his property amongst his children .Tell him to do that first and show the way.
    Unfortunately....a girl's father in this country can't behave like a guy's father.

    But you can ask your husband a few questions if he brings up this topic.
    Ask him if his father has distributed his property to his children?Howvisvhe sure if they will be fair?

    Ask him how he is planning to take care of and serve your parents in return for the inheritance because you both will have to do that for in laws in return for your husbands inheritance. Ask him these simple questions.

    Tell him right to property comes with some duties and he should check with his parents if they are fine with him taking care of your parents in old age.

    Advise to your parents... Keep your money and property safe from vultures .

    On a serious note, your parents could write a will where the property can be distributed but only after both of them pass on .
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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  9. Benitapaul

    Benitapaul Silver IL'ite

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    OP, I think your DH is worried about your share on the property too but gets the idea to talk directly with his parents around.

    I don't think your IL are brainwashing him to ask for the division of property. I believe this is not something that can be brainwashed. I have seen many people who creates drama especially in wedding that I'm not not treated well, Mother of bride didn't ask me if I ate and blah blah but to talk about property directly to IL and ask them to transfer it to your name right away is way out of league.

    You must put your foot down on such matters and should not let your DH or IL talk to your parents about property. Your parents doesn't have any obligation now to give it their daughters. They need it for their support. Your parents are treating them with respect else they would have gotten the idea to ask him these matters directly. Please make sure that your DH and IL s understand that. I think it's your responsibility to keep them apart on these matters.

    My cousin had similar problems to yours but her DH didn't asks for share about the property but her IL s did and she said to them clearly that it's upto my parents and don't worry we will take care of it.

    As @yellowmango said, the right to property comes with duties of taking care of your Parents as well.
     
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  10. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    True
     
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