Unfortunately Don't Have Any Solution

shama146 · Mar 21, 2023

Hello friends,

Don't know where to begin, what to write as I know there's no end to my misery. Still looking for inputs from you guys.
It's so unfortunate that we are surrounded by close family and friends, but can't share few very close things.

My hubby's college was in the same place were my parents live. He was there for around five years. He got a good offer in another college and moved to a place which is somewhat remote. Not even a good english medium school. By this time we admitted our daughter to Loreto Convent, which is the best school for girls in our city. Because of mainly this reason I didn't moved with him coz that place doesn't have even descent schools.

He has told his Chairman about the situation, so he comes once in two months for 15-20 days. He does WFH at that time.

Now the problem is he doesn't allow me to stay alone with kids in our flat(rented) when he goes to his place of work. He tells me to go to my parents house every time he leaves. My kids are really happy going there. My parents lives alone. My hubby bears all expenses when we are there. I buy everything for my and kids need by myself. My parents are though financially well off. I do all the chores and never bother my parents.

It's been 5 years and I keep shuffling from our flat to my parents house. Now the problem is I feel my mom is not happy with this arrangement. She doesn't say anything straight away, but sarcastically says things which really hurts me.

When I have said this thing to my hubby that I won't go to my parents place when you are away. He got angry and said I can't leave you alone with kids, giving all sorts of stupid excuses. I know deep down he has trust issues. But he is quite foolish, coz I leave my phone and everything open. Don't know why he is insecure.

When I kept on insisting, he got furious and says that let's pack our bags from here and take the kids to that remote town, if your mom has so much problem.

Because of this I keep quite, coz here my kids are in very good school. It's a big city having all facilities. My hubby is very stubborn. If I again tell him my misery, he will definitely take us to that small town, where my kids life will be completely ruined.

My situation is very miserable. Nobody understands my pain. Just for kids sake i am bearing so much. Plz advice how to handle this situation. Thanks for listening

Anusha2917 · Mar 21, 2023

shama146 said: ↑

all sorts of stupid excuses.
Click to expand...

What are those if you can share ?

shama146 · Mar 22, 2023

Like how you will manage with two kids. What if the kids open the gas cylinder. Play with electrical things etc etc. He comes up with all sorts of bizarre explanations. His main aim is to not leave me alone with kids. I guess he has some mania.

.

mangaii · Mar 22, 2023

How old r the kids ?
Is it possible for you stay in remote place during summer break ?

shama146 · Mar 22, 2023

Daughter is 8, son is 6. Even if I go there during summer break, it won't serve the purpose. I have to come back once the school reopens.

SGBV · Mar 22, 2023

How old are your kids?

If they are too small to play with Gas cylinder and Electrical items, then it is advisable to take them to your husband's place.
Young kids need a protective and happy house with caring parents. It is definitely an advantage to have both parents around, and much better if both of them are happy
Kids at this young age do not need best schools. Their early childhood development does not starts from best schools, but best homes.
Kids are fast learners, and they can easily adapt to any changing conditions. So, by the time they grow old, you can consider returning back to your city to enroll them to big schools. I am sure, they will excel well in studies and higher professional matters without any issues.

You can't shuffle around 2 houses every now and then. It can affect the kids too. Your parents need privacy, and you too!
It is not a best situation to be in an unwelcoming place. Be it parents or relatives, no place will be happier and comfortable than your own home.

However, if your kids are not that small, and in teen or pre teenhood, then your husband's worry about them playing with gas and electrical items is baseless.
If you think he is truly worried, then you must check whether he is OCD.
Also, you must reconsider your parenting and the way your kids are brought up.
Some parents really don't care, and some kids really don't mature with age; hence such unwanted accidents happen.
Teen kids need better school, so, you and your spouse should work up on their protection part.

If you think your husband has insecurity, and trust issues on you, then that is a different thing altogether.
Confront him.
He can't accuse a woman this way. This is indeed amount to character assassination.
Trust is one important aspect of a happy marriage. He can't go on like this.
Better to sit down with him, and understand what exactly his problem here

I hope things go smoothly and you find a solution to your problem

shama146 · Mar 23, 2023

Thanks SGBV,

He definitely has some OCD. All his excuses are baseless. He is like this from beginning, not at all understanding.
Anyway dear thanks for replying. This life is only a never ending problem, atleast in my case. Something or the other keeps on cropping up.