Understanding the emotional needs - Part 1

MeenLoch · Feb 19, 2008

Happiest are not those who have it all, but the ones " who love what they have. It applies to marriage too.
Nice post to be brought to light again.

Also " Falling into a relationship HAPPENS, as time passes by, we have to make it happen, work on it and give it time, care and love. That's where the true character and strength get tested. Any two people can tie a knot.

As for recurrence of unhappiness even after giving whatever you have, marriage needs repair. Only when we are happy, can we make everyone around happy. Isnt it true Chithu mam?

Chitvish · Feb 19, 2008

Happiness is more a state of mind, I think.
I have seen a few married couples who are not very happy with eachother, but still, do not show it out ! I know of a couple who have not been on talking terms for more than 40 yrs! - will you believe it?? They live under the same roof.
I fully agree with you that we have to do our best to "make happiness happen", though it sounds a very funny, impractical statement !
Love,
Chithra.

Varloo · Feb 19, 2008

How true! We have to accept and then adjust to our spouse. But due to our culture, we women are adjusting in most cases.
I too belong to your days only, accept more and question less, mind conditioned like that. But people are ready to adjust well to the work place or with their friends- then why not with our spouse? And nowadays accepting and adjusting are considered as being meek.

Chitvish · Feb 19, 2008

to myself ! If you can adjust to your boss & subordinates (very often choicelessly), why not to the spouse. Let me be very frank, I adjust a lot to my maid because having trained her well, I do not want to lose her! At the same time, I don't deny that I argue with V because we can't leave eachother & go - so we struggle to adjust.
Love,
Chithra.

sowminivibu · Feb 19, 2008

dear chithu

it s a wonderful topic and tht has been proved here frm the response u hav got.....u shd b very experienced in this sector of married life.......so very apt to have a topic of such nature from you....well the word unconditional love for each other is the main point here which has to be underlined....if thts there in abundance then i think we as a pair can overcome any thing....the space allocation factor for each one of us is sumthing tht we need to really comprehend for a smooth ride !!!

lov
sowmi

Chitvish · Feb 19, 2008

your young age, Sowmi.Unconditional love can also be called choiceless because, in our society, it is dinned into us that marriage is for the keeps. My generation especially was "brought up" with an extra dose of such statements ! Well, Sowmi, no regrets at all, frankly speaking !
Love,
Chithra.

SoaringSpirit · Feb 20, 2008

My Dear Chithra,
I couldn't agree more that your generation has given the generations to come, a lot of good things to learn and adopt if we pay attention. I for one, admire the patience, the perserverance and the "I will stick by him, no matter what" attitude that your generation exhibited. I think these are very essential ingredients in making any long term relationship successful. I agree that the younger generation (like us ) would be foolish to think that your generation made sacrifices solely due to lack of choices.
Eagerly waiting for Part 2.
SS

Chitvish · Feb 20, 2008

in saying that we respected marriage & gave it our best try. Quite a few "hiccups" get "ironed out" with grit and determination.
We learn by experience " not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it".
I love the following lines of Victor Hugo
What a grand thing, to be loved!
What a grander thing still, to love!

Love,
Chithra.

rewa · Feb 20, 2008

Chithu

marriage is not the only thing to satisfy our emotional needs.. your emotions need a soulmate.. which though not so often , happens to be 'husband' owing to our binding to the laws devised by the insitution in the society that has defined 'marriage'. THats all about it.

Deep within, as an individual.. we crave for a soulmate.. and the search rarely ends because its 'us' who define what it is. And it changes.. changes with age, with experiences. So the best thing is to find that silence within ourselves that is beyond the surface of emotions..

Am not being philo or spirito. becos am not one.

love

laks

Chitvish · Feb 20, 2008

Our emotional needs are not likely to be satisfied fully in a marriage. I would also go to the (extreme?) extent of saying that only husband need not be your soulmate. Soulmate can be a friend of either sex, with whom you "vibrate rhythmically in emotions".
You cannot go searching for one in life. You may not know what you miss, till you "discover" one !!
Thanks for joining us here.
Love,
Chithu.