troubled in the mind

rka · Feb 28, 2008

hi IL,
i joined this community yesterday and would like to give a small intro about myself,

i live in US with a sweeth husband and a 5 year old boy, my family life as such is fine, however i have so many feelings in my heart regarding my mil, that i'm unable to control my temper, one day i feel i'm going to burst out.

okay this is my story, i was married to a different caste boy,and we moved immediately to US and therefore i never had an opportunity to stay with my mil, 6 months later i got pregnant and my parents came here for my delivery, we had tough time managing our expenses b'cos we had to bear all the expenses and we were also pretty new to US.

my mil never though i'm one in the family and that i could read from her words when she spoke over phone to my hubby.

then i never used to take things seriously, like my mind was more clear and to be truthful i was really innocent. nowadays she is very good to me, she talks to me really well, she is coming here in april for the very first time,

the issue i have is that me and my hubby recently came to know that my mil is doing lots of things to my sil who is well settled without our knowledge, when she talks to us she talks as if she is very poor and that she doesn't have enough money, but she has been giving lots of money to her daughter, my hubby always fell cheated b'cos he feels they want him only for money and not real with him, i feel the same, recently we came to know so many things she has been lying to us, my mind is toally disturbed. whenever we talk to her over phone she talks so sweet, and i feel the reason is she is desperate to come here,

we're undergoing lots of tensions due to our green card process and nobody seems to understand, everybody wants their thing done and on other side my hubby's sis is the most selfish person anyone would have ever come across, that is another big story about her.
i'm just pouring out whatever is in my mind, hope nobody mistakes me, i don't have anybody to whome i can share with, i would like to write more , may be next time!!!!

i'm not even using my real name as i'm worried my sil will find out about me writing here and create unneccesary issues.

so long....

rka

ANK · Feb 29, 2008

Hi!

I can understand ur concerns and fears, and its very normal for a young girl to feel so! However u r very lucky that ur hubby knows the truth abt. his mum, so thats one good thing that u cud bank upon.
I would advise u to open ur heart out to ur hubby abt. ur fears regarding MIL, and once u feel he understands, then make plans as to how to put her off from swindling the 2 of u! I am not asking u to forsake her. End of the day, its ur Hub's mum and she needs to be taken care off, and needs to be looked after emotionally and financially. So be diplomatic and nice, but at the same time smart enough to make sure she does'nt keep on draining ur finances. ALl the best!

yellowlemon · Apr 4, 2008

kind of similar with my story too...he cannot understand that he has to build his life too, always thinks about his parents, sisters and brothers, wastes money and they behave so good to him and make him feel that he is a king, I tried to explain this to him many times, but he sees as if I am not liking my in-laws, all of them are now well settled and not even once they visit us, as elder brother he has to do spend everytime they come, I only wish he realize it and saves for his own future, I too fear to tell my name incase his sister or brothers read this.

rka said: ↑

hi IL,
i joined this community yesterday and would like to give a small intro about myself,

i live in US with a sweeth husband and a 5 year old boy, my family life as such is fine, however i have so many feelings in my heart regarding my mil, that i'm unable to control my temper, one day i feel i'm going to burst out.

okay this is my story, i was married to a different caste boy,and we moved immediately to US and therefore i never had an opportunity to stay with my mil, 6 months later i got pregnant and my parents came here for my delivery, we had tough time managing our expenses b'cos we had to bear all the expenses and we were also pretty new to US.

my mil never though i'm one in the family and that i could read from her words when she spoke over phone to my hubby.

then i never used to take things seriously, like my mind was more clear and to be truthful i was really innocent. nowadays she is very good to me, she talks to me really well, she is coming here in april for the very first time,

the issue i have is that me and my hubby recently came to know that my mil is doing lots of things to my sil who is well settled without our knowledge, when she talks to us she talks as if she is very poor and that she doesn't have enough money, but she has been giving lots of money to her daughter, my hubby always fell cheated b'cos he feels they want him only for money and not real with him, i feel the same, recently we came to know so many things she has been lying to us, my mind is toally disturbed. whenever we talk to her over phone she talks so sweet, and i feel the reason is she is desperate to come here,

we're undergoing lots of tensions due to our green card process and nobody seems to understand, everybody wants their thing done and on other side my hubby's sis is the most selfish person anyone would have ever come across, that is another big story about her.
i'm just pouring out whatever is in my mind, hope nobody mistakes me, i don't have anybody to whome i can share with, i would like to write more , may be next time!!!!

i'm not even using my real name as i'm worried my sil will find out about me writing here and create unneccesary issues.

so long....

rka
Click to expand...

monita · Apr 16, 2008

thanks for sharing RKA. I know how you feel and how frustrating it is when you have nobody to talk to. my in-laws also always lie to us all the time, they give lot of money to their daughters and are always asking us for things. Be careful about your expenses and say no if you have to.

Rohini Santhosh · Apr 16, 2008

Hi Rka,

Its gud that u poured out ur frustration here....... u would have felt relieved 50% by this..... U r lucky as ur husband can really understand what exactly is goin on and is there to support u...... what ur mil does is a very common thing the mothers will do for their daughters...... please try to understand this.... all mothers will feel that their daughters are the poor creatures suffering a lot and the dils are living happily.... they always lie to the sons and dils to go out of the way to help their daughters.......:idontgetit: try to ignore her lies to u..... and try to be nice to her.... and be sure that u and ur husband say a big "NO" when u feel her demands are not justified.... they might not understand ur financial position, but u always know what ur condition is.... be diplomatic in handling the situation...... all the best......Chillout!

Luv,
Rohini

roopadadia · Apr 16, 2008

Dear RKA,

Thank your stars that your husband is with you...unlike others here. When you talk to your husband...don't talk negative abt your in laws but suggest that you guys need to start securing your future. And what you both are going to do on it...is your problem which is not to be discussed with the ILs as they may not like it.

If you ILs trip is already scheduled then let them come otherwise try to stall them for some more time. And when they are here always remember not to be over indulgent...but count each in avery penny that you spend so that they realise that money dosen't come that easy.

Whatever you do be diplomatic in your approach.

Roopa.