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Trouble with my brother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by vjairam, May 4, 2010.

  1. vjairam

    vjairam New IL'ite

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    We are facing some problem with my brother at home about his marriage.
    He is telling that he likes a girl at his office , but we are not comfortable with that girl, becox,
    1. She is not good looking , I can say she is very ugly…… but my brother looks very good.
    2. She is not from our cast . She does not know any thing about our culture .
    3. Her behavior is not ok. She is not giving us her parents contact details.
    4. She is just 23 yrs old and I believe that she not good enough to take marriage decision on her own with our her parents
    5. She doesn’t know any thing about our family .
    6. Even we doesn’t know any thing about the girls family.. My brother is also not giving us any information. and he doenst know much about their family and We just know what her parents and siblings are doing . Apart from that no other information.
    My brother is blindly arguing with us and he just want us to agree for his decision. I am worried that that girl has trapped my brother.
    My brother is getting angry when we say no and NOT :bonk discussing with us properly....
    He is telling that he will not marry any one apart from her, or else he will be like that without marriage.. Me and my parents has explained him all the points , but still we are not able to change his decision.
    Even girl parents are not ok with her decision, but that girl is not giving us her parents contact details. And even my brother.. They are afraid that we will scold and fight with them..
    He just want us to agree..
    Does any one faced this kind of problem?
    Please advise me and suggest me how to solve this problem.. My parents are really worried about him…….
    I feel that the girl is trapping him……… how I should get rid of this girl..
    we are getting good aliances for my brother..

    Please help me out..
    Thks,
    Jairam........
     
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  2. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    1. She is not good looking , I can say she is very ugly…… but my brother looks very good.

    Isn't that your brother's worry?! If she looks beautiful to his eyes, then what's the problem?

    3. Her behavior is not ok. She is not giving us her parents contact details.

    She might be afraid of her parents. But that does not mean she is into bad behavior..

    4. She is just 23 yrs old and I believe that she not good enough to take marriage decision on her own with our her parents

    23 yrs is not too young to decide ones own life.

    5. She doesn’t know any thing about our family .

    Even when you seek a bride through arranged marriage, she will know nothing about your family.

    6. Even we doesn’t know any thing about the girls family.. My brother is also not giving us any information. and he doenst know much about their family and We just know what her parents and siblings are doing . Apart from that no other information.

    What else do you need to know? You are already here to seek tips on getting rid of that girl. How will he open up?

    I am worried that that girl has trapped my brother.
    That is a prejudiced thought..


    He is telling that he will not marry any one apart from her, or else he will be like that without marriage..

    That shows the care he has for you guys too.. He wants to get married with your consent. So give respect to his feelings too and analyse with an open mind.

    Me and my parents has explained him all the points , but still we are not able to change his decision.
    Even girl parents are not ok with her decision, but that girl is not giving us her parents contact details. And even my brother.. They are afraid that we will scold and fight with them..

    Now you know the reason why he is not giving you details..

    I feel that the girl is trapping him……… how I should get rid of this girl..
    This is not the right way to approach the matter with such preconceived notions.. It could be a genuine love. It is their life.. have an open discussion.

    we are getting good aliances for my brother..

    How do you know that this girl is not as good. Besides, it is your brother's life.. Be there to discuss not to decide.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  3. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    And by 'good alliances' do you mean brides from wealthy, well settled families? :drowning
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    This thread would fit the "Relationships with pArents and Siblings" forum than the Saints & Sprituality forum!
     
  5. vjairam

    vjairam New IL'ite

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    Thanks friend for yours reply..

    I agree some of yours points. I will discuss again with him.
    Hope I will solve the issue and help him.

    Thanks,
    vjairam
     
  6. godsgp

    godsgp Bronze IL'ite

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    I agree 200% with mstrue's post.
    Don't try to 'rescue' your brother from something that you perceive as a difficult situation.
    He may be good enough to handle things himself.
    Let him go ahead with his decision.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    this is the simplest reply.. i second everything mstrue has written.. if i wrote it wouldnt have been so nicely worded ;)
     
  8. kal123

    kal123 Silver IL'ite

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    Mstrue has put it really well....I guess your bro will be atleast 25 and hes very matured to handle the situation

    "And when you say trapping" - I dunno what to say:crazy
     
  9. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Sad very very sad. You are deciding if she will be a good life partner to your brother based on her looks. Had she been beautiful would you have accepted. In short does her looks matter to you much more than what she is from within. If she is beautiful but rude will accept.

    Your brother is an adult he can take his own decisions and so can the girl. You have put your points forward now let them decide what they want to do.

    Physical appearance is not the pillar on which a marriage is based and I guess you brother understands this perfectly.

    regards
     
    sindmani likes this.
  10. Pavithra55

    Pavithra55 Gold IL'ite

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    ill back mstrue. its your brother who is going to live and spend his rest of his life. y you people are worried about the looks, looks hardly matter. your brother himself is ok with her. you think and analyse.
     

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