Trasperancy in Salary details with DH??

Priya_Mommy · Jan 7, 2010

Ladies,
Just wanted to check with you do you all maintain transperancy about your salary details with your loving DH???
Do you disclose your password with him??
I personally dont like sharing my own password with my DH but always ensures that I maintain transperancy with him so that we can plan savings or expenses in a better way.
But sometimes, I feel a bit difficult if I want to spend some amount for my parents or any friend or buying any coastly thing for myself. Though its my own hard earned salary, but still feeling difficulty in spending. So, thosetimes I keep quite rather than showing my crave for spending because may be inner heart I too know that may be worthless. But I was not like this before marriage, and used to spend on need basis, it may be parents or friends or myself. But now, its really difficult though I dont have any commitments on my salary.
So, just give your inputs in an ideal case, You want to spend 10000/- for your parents/ friends/yourself. Though this amount may not be big for salary but do you consider your DH's comments on it???Do you stop if he is NO to that???
Because recently I faced an ego issue, where my parents bought a gold bracelet for my kid worth around 10K, in a way they just took this opportunity to show their love on him. But they havebeen taking care of all his expenses since his day one as I am working can't stay full time. My DH dont bother to offer anything to them which they spend on my kid. Sometimes I accept and sometiems I feel its a burden to them. But still want to take opportunity if at all I need to spend for them, basically I feel it should be mutual. But the moment I find an opportunity to spend for them I am not moving at all, so finally they spend for themselves or my brother will take care of it. Its just because I can't say this to my DH. Though he may not be negative but it shows that I am spending on them.
This is some tricky situation where I can't move or stayback.

Now a days, what i feel is, I should have another account where I can have some money in it and can spend on my own without DH's notice. Is it correct???
Throw your inputs how can I move ahead? can I spend or just sit silent by counting my account balance.

HariSriPriya · Jan 7, 2010

I feel u can tell ur hubby tht u want to spend for ur parents..and do it... I guess it is better to know ur DH mind instead of assuming something..

Priya

lavii · Jan 7, 2010

i was working before marriage too
and mine is a love + arrange marriage
he knows my salary ,perks savings etc
and he is the one who remembers my passwords and ipins than myself
but he never stops me from spending even if its for myself or my parents

i remember one inicdent
last year on my dads birthday i wanted to give him some gift and decided camera will be good
and we went to central for buying one i was looking at a piece which was around 14k and at that time we had huge expenses so i thought i will buy that bu he forced me buy canon one with 20k saying when you spend for yourself spend less if its parents they deseve best one

Priya_Mommy · Jan 7, 2010

lavii,
Good to know about your experience.

Even I too dont face any problem with him but somehow I hesitate to tell him beacause at some point in my mind, do I need to tell about my own salary spending for my own parents to him??? dont know if its ego or insecurity- may be ego, or In a way its more insecurity - if at all he says NO then I would be losing opportunity to spend for my parents life long.
If he tells these things to my inlaws by some means, they may create nonsense issues and spreads bad mouth across all my relatives. So just afraid of their actions.

Ofcourse we both are leading a good marital bliss despite inlaws issues. I dont think he will stop me but at the same time, I m unable to make a move.

Naga09 · Jan 8, 2010

Priya Mommy,

As ur earning u have all rights to give ur parents or frends or spend urself. U have to take a move, do not think of In Laws bcos whether we give r not In laws go with same mind set. But what ever ur willing to give to ur parents dont hide form ur DH.

I share all my Pwds or bank accounts with my DH. what ever I need to spend I will spend with my limits. When He is giving to his parents also i never questioned him. This all depends on just understanding. As u said I dont think ur DH will question you. The only thing is u have to take a move otherwise u will be suffering like this for how many days?

of course We are spending to our Parents who had given all their life to us.So do not have second thought on spending to parents. Even now i spend For my mom Bday or dad bday or their mrg day , of course this may be Unnecessary to my In laws but Even this small things make parents happy. just think that they are our first kids for us Now....

So just do not think about any one what they will talk, when spending to ur parents. Spending anything to parents is right of every one its not crime. So I suggest just take a move and go ahead. As long as ur Dh supports you u should be happy.:thumbsup

If anyone other than ur DH asks why ur spending ,Just Say " I know how to earn so i am spending"....

Priya16 · Jan 9, 2010

Priya Mommy,

If you are worried about your in-laws knowing this issue.I would advise,take some money every month like 1000rs or whatever and keep aside and that will not get noticed by any one and when needed give to your parents and also I beleive your in-laws thing will go way with time and also when they get older they may not worry about these things.

asuitablegirl · Jan 9, 2010

I'm not working so my answer is hypothetical. But, I will be working starting next year, so, not too far away!

I would never dream of hiding my salary details from my dh. If I can't share that with him, then who in this world can I trust? Likewise, he shares every detail with me, from salary to bonus. That's just the way we prefer to be with each other. It helps to know what both of us are earning so we can plan our expenses and goals accordingly. However, none of us tell our families what we make. Mostly because his family is greedy and we don't want them to start expecting handouts from us like they do from his sis. If he wants to send them something, he would tell me. As for my family, whatever they want, they buy it themselves and we only give them gifts on major holidays. Whatever you do, do it honestly.

Rihana · Jan 9, 2010

You don't have to share your passwords and pins with DH, but any spending beyond small amounts, should be done with his prior knowledge. And he should also do vice-versa. It depends on the dynamics in your marriage whether one spouse just needs to tell the other before spending, or both have to agree that it is worth spending.

Indian women who earn but still feel hesitant about spending money on their family or friends is not uncommon. As Naga09 said above, you have to make a move, or matters won't change. You know your husband best. Broach the topic at a suitable time, and keep the first few spendings smaller and for less frivolous things.

SreeSri · Jan 9, 2010

No matter spending or personal info, I always feel that there should be a well defined PERSONAL SPACE for each individual, into which the others should not enter.. This is very important between the life partners and friends.. If you enter into their PERSONAL SPACE, thats the beginning of the issues.
Respecting the other's personal space is very important.
Even this salary and personal accounts stuff also, if the other person shares with you, listen, if not poke them to disclose their details.. ---My Theory

coolphani · Jan 9, 2010

Unfortunately I have no clue what my DH earns except I know that he earns less than me.He knows what I get paid,how much I pay for our health insurance from my pay check, my savings,everything to the last $0.001.
He knows from the start that my parents don't take a single penny from us.They even pay for their own ticket to fly down here and spend their own money to buy gifts for friends/relatives back home.Sometimes I feel very frustrated for not able to spend money on my parents.But if I do I know it creates a huge issue.My DH on other hand sends almost his entire pay check to feed his parents and his sister's fmily of 3 and for their lavish life style.

As far as my take on a ideal relationship goes: A husband and a wife should share both their salary details, save/invest some of it and then decide on what to do with the rest. There should be mutual trust as far as the financial matters are concerned. Not sure when I'll reach this stage in my relationship with my DH:drowning