tortured by dil

The change must be deeper than that. The mindset that the son will stay with the parents has to change. If the young men refuses to stay with their parents and move out then the motivators for having sons will go away. If the girls (and boys) do not see marriage as a very important thing the dowry thing will go away. When the parents are able to save for their old age there is no need for them to cling to their adult children. At that point parents will not have sons and daughters, they will have children and the gender is not important anymore.

 

oh yes I forget all of Indians problem will go away by nuclear families . Again everything depends on the same son .

 

Agree with that too, but there will have to be a generation of young people who are willing to risk remaining unmarried, no matter what - parents, grandmothers who want to see great grandchildren before they die etc. - if that has to be achieved.

Distressingly enough many young people want the entire works when it comes to a wedding. Yes, many young women don't think twice about the financial implications on their parents. However, there are also plenty of girls who:

1. want to marry, want a registered wedding but her own parents or the groom's parents want a lot of show - often under pretexts of a "decent" wedding, some elderly member would want it that way and respect for them ..... this catch22 never ends. So now the choice for the girl is to say no. If this happens again and again, she will have to think of the option of staying single. Tell me, how many women are willing to face that?

2. To be honest, I am flummoxed by this situation, but am seeing that too, where perfectly well educated girls who are capable of standing up on their own feet are claiming to be "forced" by their families to get married, or to marry a certain person irrespective of their choice etc. Shall not comment on it since I have not been through that, mercifully enough, but God knows why this happens.

3. Parents of either bride or groom claiming this is the first wedding in the family, or only wedding in the family or last child in the family and so they want to have the works and asking the concerned parties to shut up and go along with it, even if they protest.

Parents are notorious for emotionally blackmailing daughters and sons in the name of "societal customs", "what will xyz say" etc. Why are our youngsters unable to stand up against this blackmailing? It is not as if they don't ever rebel against anything. But then again, I don't know what their compulsions are .....

 

Agree to all points , the problem is all want change but change should be not at the cost of me . But yes we want change by preaching others.


the girls will continue to give dowry and then keep lamenting all their life how bad is dowry . Hopefully they will not take dowry if they happen to have sons .

 

Nuclear families only one part of it. The main thing is to have the young people to break free from the rule of their parents. Then they can choose their partner, how many children they want to have, what kind of wedding (if they choose to marry) they will have.

 

Yes it is My mom and MIl also love to spend time with each other. Entire last year my mom was promising to come but her trip was delayed for one reason or other. In fact for Christmas, I though she will be here. My MIL was arranging a celebration in a restaurant and she had reservations for my family too and cancelled only in the last minute.

Next month, my mom will definetely be here and my MIL had planned to come and spend with her and we are looking forward to both mom's. It will be a carazy mad house hold then and we cannot wait

 

My father and father in law get along quite well.Infact when just the two are together...they are quite a riot.....telling (repeating) poor jokes and laughing till they cough.It is the ladies who are a bit stiff .:coffee

 

I noticed the same. My father get along well with my FIL but my mother and MIL ...

A funny incident was when my sister got married. She married a guy from our neighboring country and the wedding was held there. My parents came along and the grooms parents also participated in the wedding. We have had a devastating war with this country and both my father and the grooms father had been in the war (on the opposites sides). They became good buddies and I had a hard time keep up translating between them (the groom spoke English and the fathers only their native language). At some point they were making toasts with their vodka glasses for the World Peace. The ladies (my mother and the grooms mother) were not amused at all .

 

I am with you on this. I see a lot of freinds having girls and very happy with just one child too.

When I was expecting, for 7 months we resisted finding out sex of the baby. We wanted to be surprised. Even time the Doctor's office they would tease us. One day one of the u/s technicians, gave us a sealed envelope in case our temptation got better of us. We brought it home and it was sitting like a ticking time-bomb and we resisted for three weeks.

My husband would ask if I wanted to see and I would ask him. Neither wanted to show we are buckling to temptation. I would ask him and he would say "it is up to you". Finally I said, I dont care I am opening that envelope. When I saw it was a girl I was so estatic. I ran and prayed, thanked God and then started shopping for girly dresses for the baby.