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Toddler Broke Tv, Doesn't Feel Sorry

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Vedhavalli, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi IL,
    DD who turns 3 next month, was watching TV in living room. Suddenly took her dad's mobile threw on TV. TV broke completely, one side doesn't display anything.
    Immediate reaction was she kept silent, when I asked why you broke...She kept silent and later told Dad only broke.
    I said, I know who broke...Why did u break. She kept her cool no sorry nothing...
    Told, dad let's go to shop and buy new TV with remote.
    I couldn't control, I shouted at her. Kept asking why u broke... Reply was nothing.

    Normally, she throws tantrums... But behaves good outside. But don't know what made her throw, she was watching her fav cartoon only when she threw.
    She is very smart, knows everything...
    Understands everything...Daily I dicipline her... But she wants tab, TV on demand.
    Now she broke an expensive item.
    I just can't bear...

    DD goes to preschool...
    Now I asked what you will do for watching cartoons...She said I don't like cartoons... I won't watch.
    I feel insane talking to her. Very stubborn girl...I'm done..
    Thing is she doesn't feel bad about breaking...
    What to do...
    Most of the time when we go to shop I tell her how much this costs..Etc etc.
    DD never demands toys in store...I make her pick any toy.
    Creates fuss to eat. What shall I do...
    Time out doesn't work with her.
    Shouting yelling she doesn't mind.
    I feel I'm bad parent.. or I'm giving her too much space.
     
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  2. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,

    Parenting needs patience, parenting a stubborn, smart child needs tremendous amounts of patience. Congratulations, you have a sassy little strong willed kid! You can help channel it to be her strength, not going to be easy though. They can wear your out with that I-dont-care or i-am too-smart-for-you attitude. Once that gets to you, you will feel overwhelmed and feel you are a bad parent , your child is pampered kid - it spirals from there. Avoid getting into that trap, easier said than done though.

    You have to be very firm in your rules, and not emotional. Set some rules start with simple, easy to enforce ones and do not budge. Just focus on that, leave the rest aside.
    Say rule is - no TV/Ipad from 6-7pm. Unplug, the TV, lock the Ipad if needed. She can throw a tantrum,Dont beat her or raise your voice, just firmly tell her. If she gets physical, just stop her and if necessary just over power her. Rest of your behaviour should be normal. At 7pm, go about normally, give her the Ipad if she wants, etc. Most important is you be in control of your emotions. A simple praise when she adheres to the rule, she will , maybe not on day1.
    Slow and steady. Get your DH's support and buy-in. Parents have to work as a team , kids are great manipulators, they will infiltrate the parent who is easier to break . If your DH cannot bear to see her cry, ask him to go out of the room/house will you deal with her.

    Few more tips
    First get things in perspective - a 3 yr old is not likely to understand the value of money. She gets what she wants, anything that doesn't go her way would be a little hard to swallow.
    Shouting /yelling is not making a dent, then you should probably let go of that. Unless it is an outlet for you.

    Btw, timeouts worked for me ( not so much my kids) it gave me time to control my emotions and keep things in perspective.

    And dont worry, it gets better. Once they start having a better understanding of consequences.
     
  3. ChennaiExpress

    ChennaiExpress IL Hall of Fame

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    God bless you and your toddler.

    A while back I saw episodes of Shri Krishna. As a toddler he purposely stole butter and broke pots. Then he taunted Maya Yashoda who chased him with a stick and tied him up.

    Later the tied up toddler Lord Krishna purposely knocked down two trees (to free two devas from their punishment for disrespecting Sage Narad).

    Neighbors and DH found toddler Lord Krishna surrounded by the fallen trees and they blamed Maya Yashoda for being harsh, i.e. tying up toddler.


    I'm not sure what advice to give but this story along with other ladies advice shall guide you.

    Jai Shri Krishna!
     
    knbg likes this.
  4. nuss

    nuss Finest Post Winner

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    OP- I think what she did was an accident. Cause and effect problem for her. If I were you, I would use it as an opportunity to teach her consequences. At 3, she won't understand cost or too adamant to accept her fault when you are yelling. Instead, take a step back. Tell her that she could have broken dad's phone along with the TV. Give her a hug and tell her what she did was wrong and Mommy would like to hear what made her throw the phone? Tell her that you love her but you won't be buying a new TV until she learns to take care of her things and then don't buy a new TV.
    She is probably too scared to say sorry right now.
     
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't be in a hurry to buy a new TV.
    Let her stay without it for sometime.
     
  6. GoogleGlass

    GoogleGlass IL Hall of Fame

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    she is too young to know the value of goods though u teach her. accidental it is. now she would know what she misses. it's a good lesson. buy a tv later.

    which cartoon was she watching? was there any scene that disturbed her? try finding that so that u can take appropriate corrective action - these days cartoons are just not cartoons - they r the culprits teaching wrong things to growing kids.
     
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  7. creativemumma

    creativemumma Gold IL'ite

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    Even I wanted to reply the same.
    Delay it as long as you can citing its broken and it takes time to get a new one.
     
  8. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Grilling a preschooler never works. Shouting and smacking don't make kids understand.

    When she does something like this tell her it is not done. Not ask her why she did it. However smart she is, she is just 3. She needs to know it is unacceptable to vandalise things. And you need go use your firm voice to let her know that she has to apologise and feel sorry. Kids that age do know when they've done something incorrect but rarely know how to respond to it. It is up to you to teach her how to be sorry. For that you need to keep calm and remain firm.

    She also needs to understand there are consequences for her behaviour. If she makes you feel impotent with rage, its not her getting a consequence.

    Introduce sticker charts for behaviour, taking care of things, listening etc. When my child started showing defiance, it stopped when I took away a favourite toy and made her earn it back with good behaviour.

    Also keep a tab on what she watches on tv. Many cartoons and kids shows we perhaps watched as kids like tom and Jerry are inappropriate for 3 year olds as they don't understand the destruction is there merely for comic effect. Choose wisely and the child will learn
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Wonderful replies and suggestions. Ensure that none at home throw things when they are angry. The child learns by observing albeit it was a accident. Know of remotes and dishes being thrown in a fit of anger by adults.

    And be consistent in your discipline. Find out what is troubling the lo. All behaviors of kids cannot be grouped as tantrums and being adamant. They learn it based on our reactions. They learn to test boundaries and reactions everyday, and it is healthy too otherwise how will the kid learn. Use these opportunities to show her how her tantrums or anger can break things she needs later. She cannot understand long term consequences nor value of money.

    And she will say sorry at her pace. Don't make it about the parent and child tussle alone. Hugs everyday is a learning curve as parents and it never stops..
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My son broke the only TV at home 18 months ago. There is no TV at home till date. He was four at the time and has special needs. I told him you broke the TV and it's not coming back. The plus side has been that he is playing with his toys and TV is anyway a distraction. My older one never watches any tv and I've stopped watching too! It's a blessing in disguise.
     

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