Hi My LO is very innocent and only demanding and stubborn in front of us. At others home, she would ask before touching or eating things. Problem is I worry about her being bullied like we were as kids. I do not want her to be bully or hurt any one but not being bullied over too. So far, now kids come to our place to play with her, beat her up or take her toys, pull toys (her toys) from her and she cries. This is okay for some time but some times things get out of hand. Like one kid ( boy of same age) would beat her up with bat. She wants to play with him but whenever I arrange play date with him, it will be disaster. Instead of protecting herself or go away or take defensive action, she will be sitting there, taking first beating and looking, then 2nd, then crying till I notice and intervene. Now this is boy. Then there are another bully older kids who come to our house, play and break her toys, will not give her toys ( her own toys) or if she asks/cries to me, and in front of me, they say, she should ask with please. come is she is small kid and at their place, they will not let her touch anything. Whatever she touches, they will snatch from her. I know they are all kids and thats how my LO will learn, But sometimes I feel anger and some times my motherly protective feeling will come out and show up in front of parents and sometimes I ignore. They are kids and have different temperaments and different age. My LO is still at home and does not know how to protect herself yet and likes to share. Everyone is good for her. She likes a kid and always follow them. But other kids sometimes ignore her and shoo her away when they have their other friends and my poor girl follow them. I worry how to teach her and also how to act in such situations when happening in front of me at my place or at others place. This is my first one and also we me and my H were never bullies in life and infact always trampled by and made fun of for various things. So I am always worried, she won't turn like us.
you don't need to arrange play dates for sometime.take her to library and try sending her to playschool.How old is your child?once she gets same age kids she will be fine
OP, Do not arrange any more playdates with the bully kids. Your daughter is a still a sweet girl who doesn't know how to defend herself. Stop calling those kids for playdates immediately.Instead arrange playdates with good kids if you can find. Next time, if the kids try to beat her stop them immediately and tell them not to do it. Tell their parents too.She might be too small to understand but keep repeating to her that she has to call you incase somebody tries to hurt her or snatch her toys. Good Luck.
Thanks girls. Kid that used to beat her is gone now. My LO does not have any company so whoever comes near her, she gets fond of him/her. Now there is an older kid who bullies her. I do not arrange play date as such but being neighbor, that kid just walks in any time and both sides this is becoming problematic. At that kids place, she won't let touch anything and say 'no' do not touch this that. There s been some bad incidents when I got mad and It showed up on my face. Then that kid always has TV and also playing on phone, so my LO is learning and fighting for phone. Then at my home, she will snatch my kids toys from home. once twice my kid will try to get it back, then my poor girl settles with something else. Sometimes she wants something back after sometime, they both pulling a toy and i am close, she looks at me, and i intervene, but do not say anything, older kid tells me, LO has to say please. Kids do not know what is wrong and right. But I feel stuck in a situation and do not know how to act. Her mom is good friend. Do not want to hurt her. Do not want to hurt kid but at the same time, do not want my kid to be pushed over. Infact I feel bullied over. that kid goes all over the places and opens all dresses drawers toys, my jewellary drawers (kids are curious right) ..take out stuff. Ask for clips etc to take along. I stop her to go to home office as there is important stuff ( papers, bills , ..) but she would sneak in and bring out stuff. Bring out markers, start marking anything ....You can not mark this kids coloring book with normal markers, this book takes special colors, no it will, see... I have important stuff in files cabinet along some kids coloring books, colors, ot some art/crafts stuff too..underneath. Would take out all. What to do in these situations? This is just one kid. There could be many more.
I am going to say it as it seems the problem seems to be in your attempt to be nice you are being a pushover. Kids need to understand no means no. Is the neighbors kid coming along with her mom to your place or alone? If she is coming alone I will use the scare tactic: she opens your drawer (if I was in your place my blood would have been boiling) tell her immediately she needs to go home because she is not being a good listener and and tell her to leave immediately. In one or 2 tries she will understand who is the boss. For things like taking your kids toys you should ask them both who had it first and be a judge and give it back to who had it first. If they are trying to teach your kid to say please and gives you that reason say "no thank you I am her mommy I will teach her manners". You should be firm and kind at the same time.
And if her mom is there and still lets her touch your things which she shouldn't you should say things like "xx(childs name) I am pretty sure your mommy won't like you touching around stuff you may never know something would be dangerous in it, this is a subtle hint to her mother reminding her if she goes around a finds something that would hurt her you are not responsible" I am pretty sure at that point her mom would jump into this issue. If she(mother) does not just say something to your friend like oh I keep stapler or scissors in that cupboard/or medicines and I don't want her accidentally getting hurt.
Sanjuruby I don't know if this is the right thing - Kids are not always in their good moods. Some days they like to share everything, some days they don't want anyone to touch their toys. So if I go to a place with kids, I make sure to take my kid's 1 or 2 small toys so that my kid doesn't feel bad when not allowed to touch anything. Sometimes, the host kid wants to play with our toys and hence they start sharing their toys. At my place, older kid snatching everything my kid takes also happened. I guess they will grow out of it. Hitting I haven't experienced.
Thanks girls. Seems there is lot more to learn and as my kid grows she will have all kinds coming at home and I need to learn how to tackle and not hurt them or parents. With this kid, I feel terrorized and start feeling bullied myself. I remember myself when I used to run from some friends or co workers in office who would come at my desk just to go into bully discussions and what tricks I would do to avoid them but no matter they will catch me. Same way these kids are terrorizing me but running is not an option. I need to be able to handle it, say 'no' and not worry about what parents think. I also worry that it does not spoil relations with parents as I observed kid told her mum about me stopping her and also couple times few incidents happened n front of mom when that kid will not share anything at all, snatching everything from my kid at her place but also at my place. My kid carries 1-2 toys to her place, that also she will snatch. Then if someone scolds her, she will still not stop but by ttricks will take from her.
