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To Help A Grandmother Correct Her Grandson

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by nayidulhan, Feb 11, 2022.

  1. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Everyone!
    I need to sort out a situation affecting my extended family. Please help me.
    Background: This is about my FIL's older brother's family. He, his wife, their 2 sons, DILs and their kids stay on a floor of a building. They own the entire floor. Although the 3 apartments on the floor are intact and are "assigned" to the father and the 2 sons each, the entire family spends most of the day together in the older couple's apartment. They cook and eat together. The brothers as well as their wives are very amicable and share a good relation with each other. (They may have had their own share of tiffs but nothing worth the mention.)
    Situation: The 2 DILs are housewives and contribute to the household chores equally. The older one has a son (a new teenager) and the younger one has a daughter. These kids were born only a couple of years apart and are very fond of each other. The boy is average in studies, extra curricular activities, etc. but the girl is an overachiever. The boy is closer to the grandfather who pampers him a lot with attention, stories, gifts, etc. The girl is close only to her mother who is very intelligent and compassionate and very rational in her behavior.
    Problem (as identified and iterated discreetly to me by the grandmother) : The boy and his mother have started envying the girl's success for a few years now. They do not even congratulate the girl or appreciate any of her achievements. Although the girl's mother has noticed this change, she refuses to acknowledge it in any way. The boy and his mother have started lying about the boy's achievements- marks scored in exams, success in any competitions, etc. (A) The boy is a serial liar who takes anyone and everyone for a ride with his tales. His mother is a party to it and has been caught red handed on multiple occasions till now (but not confronted anytime). (B) In these online times, he is constantly watching videos on the net or playing games and when someone enters their room, he quickly closes that window and switches to a study related window. He does the same if he is asked to sit in the family room. (C) The height was when the grandmother caught a pilferage. The grandmother had asked the grandfather for some cash and he had placed it on the desk in their room. The boy flicked 1 big note out of the small bundle. He had initially refused to admit this but on continuous questioning by the grandmother, he finally confessed it all. He also added that he has been picking cash from his father's wallet for some time now and that he shares the cash with his own mother!

    The grandmother wants earnestly to correct this boy and bring him back on the right track without affecting the peace and harmony at home and without hurting anyone. She is also worried that the girl may walk on his footsteps in the future. She has asked me for help in anyway to set things right without spoiling my equation with any of her family members. I want to help her/ them but I don't know what to do.
     
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  2. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    Grandmother needs to tell/ask her son to have an eye on the boy and guide him..Teenage years is difficult and dads can pitch in and help the boy..
     
    Rihana likes this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Change is desired in the alleged behavior of the boy, and maybe his mom's behavior too. Generally speaking, any such process will impact the peace, harmony at home and cause some hurt feelings, hopefully temporary. There is no way to pussyfoot around that.

    The long description has nothing about the fathers. At a minimum, one father needs to keep better track of the money in his wallet.

    The narration is heavily from the POV of the (good) girl's mother.

    To start, the problems can be whittled down to the most essential. A young boy is lying habitually, pilfers money if it is easily available, plays games and surfs the net when supposed to be studying. With a few tweaks, this describes phases most children go through at that age. The boy's parents are the ones who need to look into this. Grandma can help if she has that much authority. Depends on how much say does she have in the day to day disciplining of the children.

    The rest of the stuff are not problems. Envying the girl's successes, not congratulating her, girl may follow in his footsteps are all silly. Don't expect congratulations from a parent whose kid is not as bright or smart. The boy did not follow in any footsteps to be bad. If the girl ends up like him, don't blame him.

    Parenting and being a bahu in a joint-family can both be soul-sucking. Better to not judge the boy's mother. Why is she abetting her son in taking money from dad's wallet? "The grandmother had asked the grandfather for some cash and he had placed it on the desk in their room." says a lot about how accessible cash is to women in the household.

    The boy's mother is so bad and the girl's mother is so good, yet they get along well about household chores, and all voluntarily spend most of the day in the older couple's apartment. Please.
     

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