To have a second child or not...

Hey Mithili,
I was going through the parenting and kids posts to search if anyone had already discussed this issue. I am soo glad you brought it up. I realise this is an older thread but still I am at crossroads(have a second child or not) myself and I wonder too. I wish more single children had written in and given their thoughts on this topic too. Really appreciate Vidya's input. Any other single issue IL members out there? please reply. Because really the financial and quality of life concerns are very valid. I also read (in this thread) that the older child complained of not having a sibling. I wonder does the older child get this sense on their own or are they echoing concerns or worries of the parents.

Lastly, the men. I cannot tell you how many examples I know of the men saying no to a 2nd child? Why is that? I mean we cannot completely ignore their opinion. Afterall we depend on their vision and trust their vision of our future lives together then why do we not give much validity of them voicing an opinion of having only one child? Calling all single children and also men please provide further insight. Thanks in advance for reading and replying.
~ Naazneen

 

Thanks Mythili for starting this topic. I too was in a dilemma about having second child. Thanks to all ILs for their reply to Mythili's question. Is 33 too late an age to have a second kid?

Thanks
Meenu

 

Dear All

Thanks mythili for starting this topic, i too was thinking abt the pros and cons ..in this thread ..you all explained clearly and shared the experience ..I have 2 yrs old daughter ,my relatives started to ask..I was saying i dont have such plan.But i am reallly thinking abt having 2nd child.

Thanks to all who shared their views , really it is a moral support when we dont have such close friends to discuss about this ..

Regs
Suganthi

 

Meenu,

If you do not have any problems you can definitely go for a second child. 33 is not too late. i think lot of ils will agree with it.

I have a daughter who will be 13 next month and son who is 10.

 

Dear Mythili
I think I am coming in late here.. still wanted to add my half cent..
FIrst all the replies are very nice.. though when I read your initial post and now your followup post that you have written.. it appears to me you are under a little stress.. and confused maybe a little bit.. forgive me if I am wrong.
I first wish to say, please do what works for YOU. and then what works for your family meaning your husband and son here.
Do not be swayed by what every person has to say.. Its prudent not to ask others because no 2 situations are the same.
The reason I am writing here.. I have an only child. And trust me everyone I know told ALL the problems my child would have and I would have and what not.. For many years I was convinced of all these imaginary problems falling on my childs head. somewhere God opened my eyes and showed me there is no need to fear.
Above all child rearing is not easy. It does take time and effort and energy. Since I have only one, i have become ever so close to my husband and now we have this incredible bond.
This is what has worked for me. and really the best thing for me. I focus on bringing my child in a positive environment and where there is love and harmony between the parents.
Again I repeat DO what works for you and your family. Everything wil be fine. God bless;

 

I get so mad when people ask me if we are thinking about a second one. Give me a break!!! Our daughter is only 7 months old! I don't know why people are in such a hurry.

Anyway, yes, I think the reason I'll have another baby would be so Riya will have a sibling. I think siblings are very important, to learn about caring, sharing and, of course, fighting. :-D

Raj

 

HI mythili..

Good topic for discussion... coz i'm in the same situation... my daughter is 3&1/2 yrs old... Even though we decided to have only child... parents are behind us for the 2nd kid...

I have come across so many single child frnds so decided to stick with our decision... so my suggestion is if u r happy with ur decision... go ahead...

 

Mythili

I would definitely tell you to go for the second one.
I just had my second one... and it has been wonderful..it is chaotic, crazy and stressful... but absolutely fulfilling. I have 2 girls.. first one is 4 yrs and 4 months and the younger one will be 9 months next week. I also live in the US. I totally understand how it is here with a full time job.. I work 32hrs/week (4 full days).. started this part-time option when I got pregnant the second time (last summer) I work more than part-time..I have a long commute.. 36miles each way and it is sometimes crazy. I am still breastfeeding and it gets very very overwhelming. Luckily, I have help. My MIL will stay for 2 more months and my mom was here for the delivery until the baby turned 5 months old. God knows.. whn was the last time I had a decent sleep (of atlkeasyt 4 hrs at a stretch!):crazy

I always grew up with siblings. I have an older brother and a younger sister. I talk to my sister pretty much every day and meet her twice a year. She has a 5 yr old girl and my first one loves to meet her cousin. With my brother who is back in India and globe trotting with his family, it is hard to meet every year.. we still try . But, we stay in touch by emails, phones, text messages, chat etc etc.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

 

My son is just short of turning one year.Even I had been in a delimma about having a second child.But though there are pros and cons to both options,my personal opinion is that the pros of having a second child outweigh the cons.And like many others said,for me too the main reason would be to give my son someone who he can be really close to all his life.

 

Dear Mythili,
ur dilemma about having a second child is very thought provoking....
Well,I have 2 children and i can clearly say that it is more beneficial to both to have company of each other.
u will not realise when they are small, but surely when they become older,they need someone to share their thoughts and ideas and to call their own.
Nowadays most of the families are nuclear families and so the need to have a sibling.
Even though u may be working and may have difficulties in looking after ur kids,try to take a positive look and try to work it out so that for ur benefits,u don't deprive a child of a brother or sister.
I have convinced quite a few friends about this and they also had their second child and are very happy about it.pls think about it Mythili and take a right decision.
let me know what u decide finally.
Cheers,
Uma;-)