to all going thru or gone thru divorce

Can you shed some more details on your case? I was wondering about the financial responsibility. Your ex should be contributing some money for the upkeep of kids. Did you not get any settlement?

 

Yeah a little more background of your case would help. The financial aspect of it should be fine, if you are earning and can provide and tend to needs of the kids.
But emotional aspect of how the kids take it, is a bit tricky. Depends on how old your kids are and your own emotional well being to deal with their tricky questions. Do they get to meet their dad and spend time with him? if yes, then it should be fine I guess because they get their share of love from both parents.

Takecare and be strong!
NB

 

In the US, I think the biggest worries are the financial and security aspects. With 50% of US jobs set to disappear within next 10 years, we have to somehow learn to live without a job. With all the deficits most cities in the US can't maintain a decent police force and I fear that crime against women will simply be ignored. Tough times ahead, specially for single women.

 

Rose

I beg to differ here. I am sorry for saying this...no hard feelings. But my thought was whether married or single woman should be capable enough of protecting herself without which its tough anytime.

Even if a married woman, reports any kind of crime or abuse, with less police force, would it be taken care quickly? because she is MARRIED? Or will the husband go and fight with the abuser? or will save her like a HERO in the MOVIE?

Husbands are also human beings. They are not super humans or movie heroes where they would attack the intruder of their house etc...Yes anytime Single women would feel insecure only because they might be taking their loneliness in to consideration which is the BIGGEST FACTOR. but being single/married will have no affect on how their complaints would be addressed.

We see single women minding their own business at work, but married women flirting away...so no one can save such women if a man makes sexual advances towards her. at the same time if Single women end up having a bad company or make bad choices about the kind of guys they date, they too would end up in trouble. So finally MEN/WOMEN, single/married..all that matters is the choice we make and how we protect ourselves. (this is the physical part am not referring to the financial part). Any one who goes out at night after certain time, hangs out at clubs/pubs where the neighbourhood is not safe, leaves kids with strangers even if it is for just couple of mins or hours...we all should know we are inviting trouble.

This is a good point Rose! But again both men and women face this challenge isnt it?? but yeah there should be some backup plan always.

 

Vidya, agree with your points, but what choice does a single woman have if she gets a late night job? needs to go out in the evening to buy groceries after working in the day? Her boss proposes to her? etc. Married woman can always leave her job (provided husband works), can shop in the morning or ask husband to buy, refuse her boss saying she is married, but if the unmarried girl refuses, a man might take it personally and retaliate. When its a jungle out there a family always fares better than singles.

 

Hi NM,
Life without the other person had its up and downs. The dual income was not there. I was not taking care of another child in an adult body. In my case, I didn't miss it much at all, as most of his income was spent on other people (his side) or habits (drinking/smoking). There was hardly any type of support from him so it was easy to adjust.
I on the other hand got a part time job as well along with a f/t to keep up with all the expenses. I did not ask for any alimony, child support or any financial support for that matter. I DID NOT need his help with even raising kids. My income was sufficient to take care of myself and my children. All their needs were met including college.
I did not miss the constant bickering about little stuff. As I was alone, I could make decisions and act on them quicker than going back and forth for weeks.
When you are in a relationship and it seems like you are the only one that wants to move forward in life, you have to take actions to start living the life you want and not be dragged by the other person's actions etc. It was ok for his family to have big dreams and not pay for anything they wanted but when it came to his kids, the answer was NO.

Yes, at first it all seemed a bit odd, but then again for me as I was taking care of all business myself, I didn't see why I should suffer along. So I ended the suffering and started living instead of existing. Instead of being in a marriage of conveniece, I chose to take action.

Thanks,
OPL

 

"We see single women minding their own business at work, but married women flirting away...so no one can save such women if a man makes sexual advances towards her."

I see a full blown affair at my work between a married woman and a coworker...and at the end of the day she goes home to the husband like no big deal. I see the husband at functions and feel pity for him.

 

rosequeen,

I feel you are just taking the OP's question into too much of over analysis phase. I mean, we don't know what the future holds in within the next 10mins or even 10 days and you are talking about the next 10yrs? Please thats way too much analysis of the situation.
Also about your other points of men proposing at work etc etc.......see if the lady knows how and when to draw the line and carryon with her job duties....she should be fine. Being in US, she can always go for harrasment cases or go complain to HR etc. If the man is taking it personally and retaliates, she can always opt to look for another job just like a married lady does. How does being married or not affect her job hunting abilites? if you meant the financial support....well, thats when her savings come into picture right....she can plan it in such a way that she and her kids can use some of the saving money to survive for 1-2 months until she finds a stable job. Losing a job does not make her and her kids come down on streets at that moment??!! does it?

-NB

 

Rose

If we view the world with colored glasses, thats how it appears. I meant about the word "Jungle"

Anyways..Single men/women know this point that they are not with a spouse. However if this only point is kept apart, married/single if they are living out of their native country, usually neighbours/friends/extended relatives form part of the family...and if they live in their native country, they would have same extended relatives/siblings/friends. Frankly speaking these days, most of them say friends seem to be like extended family and well wishers than their own relatives

So the term family itself has changed a lot over the years. Agreed we all grew up with the concept that mom,dad and kids make a family...however when we already made peace with single status, it doesnt matter whether spouse is around or not...single people need to make family of their own ie with closeknit friends/extended relatives etc.

Some how I dont see any difference in the way either married/singles lead their lives. One gets support from the spouse, the other gets support from friends/wellwishers. (so except from the intimate matters...rest all is gonna be the same this is what I think or assume:crazy)