Time and Tide - Another Essay in Short Story Format!

varalotti · Dec 12, 2005

Thanks Meena, For Replying With a Poem and a Short Story!

While your poem made me sad the story made me sadder. Life runs in a jiffy and before we realise our time's out and the next generation gets on to the driving seat. At times even a life-time of learning is not enough to ingest this bitter truth. My heart always goes for the hero of my story, Madhavan. He is not a cruel or a wicked person. I would say he was just an idiot who did not know his priorities. And he realised his foolishness when it was too late. I don't want that Madavan-syndrome to be repeated. Even my worst enemy should not have that. That's the idea of posting this long thread.
Thanks Meena for the beautiful response,
sridhar

sudhavnarasimhan · Dec 12, 2005

One Must Take Time To Enjoy Life With The Loved Ones!

Hello Sridhar,

That was one hell of a true life situation in many homes now. Yeah, i do pity the men for working hard, and taking care of the family by giving material benefits and saving for the future which is really not in our hands.

But i have noticed a different culture here in Germany, the people work hard 5 days a week, on friday afternoons they are off, and invariably saturdays and sundays are for the family and friends and for the self. I have seen this from the past few years and felt that this is best that they work and save their money true , but they also spend the time and money in the weekends and long planned holidays with family which keep them bonded. They really give importance and take time off for the children's important celebrations and make a huge attempt to be with them.
I know that my husband has learned this from here and has really cut down on his work to be with us . But how many get this opportunity to learn and make changes?
Also Sridhar i was wondering isn't it the way the children are brought up in this generaion....i mean they are told to be ambitious and achieve things in their school life first which later on they carry into their working life . They are never told to take time off to enjoy and take things lightly. They are so burdened and made to take responsibilities , and pressurised that they continue in the same spirit later.
So that has to change and then only we can have fine young men and women who can LIVE THEIR LIFE and not just PASS THROUGH LIFE.

What do you say?

varalotti · Dec 12, 2005

Thanks Sudha For Adding to the discussion!

Hello Sudha,
You hit the nail on its head when you said that we don't teach our young people, especially men, how to live life, how to apportion their time and the importance of the family. About 50, 60 years ago the work life was very light and we had a joint family system. At that time there was no need to work for more than few hours. Even when our men shifted from the fields to the offices, the working hours were very light. They worked from 10 to5 or at the max 5 30. They had half the morning and the whole of evening to spend with their families. But when we liberalised and the IT and ITES work culture set in, the work culture changed. Now I see many high fliers having nothing in life but work. They don't spend time with their families, nor do they have any outside interests. They don't belong to any club or association, nor do they read or do anything that can be truly called 'recreation'.
The least we can do is that we should emulate the German culture of taking the entire week-end off. That way we spend 2 days plus with the family.
I have made it a point to work from 9 to 1 and 3 to 6 except when there's pressure I extend it by an hour or so. But what a provincial accountant has in terms of time, a busy executive can't afford. But the working hours should at least be human.
As this story implies one day or other we men might be thrown off our thrones at work. But in our families we are the kings. (as Malathi in this story ultimately comes to her husband's rescue). I am afraid even that luxury will not be available to most of the men these days as the wives will also be at work. I pity the children.
Thanks for initiating a very healthy discussion on one of the very sensitive areas of family relationship.
sridhar

Varloo · Dec 21, 2005

Time and tide wait for none

Hai everyone,

I am speaking from experience. My father-in-law worked for nearly 24 years in the State govt. Then he had to work from age 55 onwards as my husband and his elder brother were school going children in a private firm at Chennai. He did not want to stop working as he wanted be earn till he could. He was religious minded and wanted to listen to discourses and also music. But even when we all told him to stop working and do the things he wanted to do, he did not listen. Only in 1992, at the age of 80 he gave his resignation. But the next 4 years, he spent most of the time finding fault with every one and every thing and started loose his temper. His wife too passed away in 94. But he did not turn his mind to good things and always found fault with all of us, even when we were all very rspectful towards him. In 96, he suffered a mild heart attack and in 97 he suffered a stroke and his right side is paralysed. Even if he is able to move inside the house and do his daily chores, he is dependent on others. Now he is living in Srirangam, very near the temple, but he is not able to go to the temple. He used to visit the temple for Vaikunta Ekadasi and was a ardent devotee of Sri Ranganathar. Now when I see that, I think we should also enjoy family time, holidays, visiting temples etc. when we are healthy. This will help us keep ourselves balanced in our old age.
I think many of the younger generation is also following this. Two of my neighbours' sons have already decided that they will work only in India even when they have chance to work in the US. One of them said that he wanted to see his son grow up,rather than build a fat bank balance for him. I really appreciated that. Contenment is something we should achieve with the help of our inner instinct.
Varloo

varalotti · Dec 22, 2005

Thanks Varloo for the powerful story!

Your father-in-law's story is very pathetic. I have seen many households where the man had let golden opportunities pass by and when he woke up there was no family to express his love to. I have seen bank-officers couples who work a thousand miles apart during the major portion of their prime years. In the end even if they get an opportunity to live in the same house (after VRS or retirement) they find the spouse's company unbearable.
One more thing Varloo, here I am not emphasising contentment. A young person has to be ambitious and come up in life. But in that process he should not miss out on the really important things in life - like being with the family, seeing the child grow up, taking the family for outings etc.
thanks for the very perceptive posting.
varalotti

Chitvish · Dec 23, 2005

Sridhar, unga vayile sakkarai podanum!

Hello sridhar,

Malathi-Madhavan’s story is just the story of a close friend’s family !

Top most priority to one’s job is good – but only to one’s job is not at all worth.

The poor man does not realise all that he is missing out in life & by the time he “wakes up” to reality, the family members find it difficult to relate to him, as freely as they can, to their mother, who, by sheer volume of time spent with them in their impressionable years, has become their “friend, philosopher & guide”! When the now grown up & married children come over & have an enjoyable chat session with the mother, the father sits there like a guest – not that the children want to leave him out, but the spontaniety they share with their mother is missing in their interaction with the father. I see that this generation, by what they experienced in their younger years, try not to repeat this mistake. This is a healthy trend.Unlike Malathi, today’s wives may develop their own areas of interest so widely (owing to the neglect they meet in the initial years of marriage) that the man will have nothing but a psychological vacuum in his life. I wish men read what you have written & realise, such things are talked about very much now.

Regards,

Chithra.

varalotti · Dec 23, 2005

Thanks For the Sweet Response! I mean the 'chakkarai'

Chitvish, (I find it convenient to address you by this name though it may not be strictly proper and respectable; forgive me)
I thought some exotic sweet of which Chitvish alone has got the recipe will fall into my mouth. I had to content myself just with plain chakkarai. May be better luck next time.
You hit the nail right on its head when you said that the father appears like a guest while in company of his grown up son or daughter while the mother moves freely about. That's why many men who had had rich careers - probably as CEOs, IAS officers or Justices - feel so left out and abandoned during old age. The problem:they cannot relate to their children. The reason: they themselves and their typical neglect during their prime years to spend time with their children. Madhavan-Malathi is a typical happening in every home now.
Chitvish, you said that even wives may not be there to give company to their husbands as they have their own interests. That is also painfully true. But an even more pathetic truth is this: these days most women are career oriented. They are also obsessed with promotions, better jobs, higher salaries etc. Thewoman going for work in the 60's would be a clerk in AG's office or an assistant in Tehsildar's office without any ambition and working just for the extra money. But the modern women have as fierce a career ambition as men. So what would happen is that children would not even have their mother's time when they grow up. You can assume the pathetic state of the children and the even more pathetic state of the parents once they retire and are forced to spend time with their children.
We are crying hoarse, Chitvish. But would the world listen?
sridhar

purnima_2k · Mar 1, 2006

Very touching!

Varalotti,

This piece is not only very good but also very deep, especially for people like us who have just started on with our family life. As soon as i read this article, my eyes flooded and i immediately read it out to my husband who was busy with his laptop!

One of those occasions where he actually listened to me fully , and nodded his head in approval.

I am really excited now to be a part of IL, because more than a mere 'time pass' , this has so much more depth and involves personality development to a large extent!

I think 3 Cheers needs to be given to ppl like Varalotti, ChitVIsh, Varloo, Sudha, Lakshmi etc etc.. who make the site really intersting, worthwhile and of course asa learning aid for people like us who are getting into the real family life!

Hip..hip.. hurray!

Purnima

varalotti · Mar 1, 2006

Thanks Purnima, Now the Next Stop in the Tour!

Thanks Purnima. You have not only read the thread and felt the importance of it but also convinced your husband to go listen to your words. Let me also thank your husband for giving a patient hearing. It is very lovely to have a husband who thinks along with you and loves you so much. But whatever may the amount of love that might exist between a husband and his wife, we cannot rule out fights. In fact a marital life without fights will be bland without any taste. But while fighting one has to be careful not to hurt the overall atmosphere of love. So my suggestion in this area is 'Fight With Your Spouse.. but let it be a good fight.' What is a good fight and what is not, well, please visit my thread in the same forum 'Fight with your spouse' and give your views.
sridhar

neets · Aug 21, 2009

how true ,time and tide waits for no man.my perfect example is at my home.i and my sister had always wished that father take us for family vaccation for the school holidays.all we could do was sit and home and watch tv and play.each sunday movie i watch on tv and each movie on cd[later years],i had wished father would also join us and laugh and njoy with us.we have missed him and missed a lot of vacations.he was too busy at work and when we complain he would say that if i had not worked like this ,you would not be enjying.the end.thats it,we dont say a word.now after getting married and staying over here i can feel how much he misses us and how much i still miss him now.if in any way i would make father happy i would that.

this is quiet a usual scenario iterated again again over time.and man should learn lessons from past [from others lives ]and see that it does not happen to them.atleast starting from our generation hope their will be a change.

neethu.