We, teachers, have observed over the years that far from growing up to be resilient individuals, our children are becoming increasingly fragile. And this trend is being reinforced by society. Much has been said about over-parenting, helicopter-parenting, hothouse-parenting and death-grip-parenting but it is high time that some of us should emulate the little boy who shouted out that the emperor had no clothes on. I mean that we need to tell parents to stop protecting their children from life's vicissitudes. Children must be allowed to feel sad or disappointed at times and to learn to cope with setbacks, defeat and failure. This is how the fragility factor can be addressed. The other day, a veteran school educator told me the story of this young father who made his little son, who had not won any race, climb the victory stand after the school sports meet so that he could take his photograph. This may seem rather 'cute' to many people, but the father was not helping his son to learn that you win some and you lose some. Parents have become so intensely achievement-oriented that children are not growing up with the normal doses of failure and success and the experience of trial and error. Children have become so thin-skinned that every little thing becomes a serious issue .- Why do children have to be praised all the time? Why can't teachers scold a child spontaneously without having to worry about being blamed for undermining the child's self-esteem? A casual remark triggers off a chain reaction with counsellors and psychologists stepping in to help the stricken child. This is reflected in society in a different way. Things have become so bad that schools are now finding it difficult to detain a child in a senior class (they are automatically promoted by law till Class VIII) as parents claim that the child would not be able to face the humiliation and would "go and do something terrible". The tragedy is that more and more children are actually doing the ultimate "terrible" thing and taking their own lives over what seems to be a trivial matter. Overprotection leads to fragility. But I am more than sure that the achievement-oriented parents of today are contributing to it by generating achievement-oriented anxiety in their offspring. This is highly infectious. A school has always been looked upon as a place where children are helped to attain academic and non-scholastic goals which will, in turn, help them to gain entry into good colleges. But traditionally, a school is also a place where a young person's character is moulded. Hence it should be equally important for parents to know and care whether their child is learning to play fair, to accept defeat manfully, to win gracefully, to respond to failure positively and to take the ups and downs of life in his or her stride. If they trust the school, they should let it do its work of bringing up a robust and resilient child - constant interference and protection will only result in the weak and fragile child of today and the emotionally immature adult of tomorrow. I am reminded of what a teacher said. "Behind that doctor, It's me a teacher........... Behind that economist, It's me, a teacher.......... Behind the astronomers ,it's me, a teacher . It was me, a teacher.............. I don't qualify for a bungalow or a villa nor earn enough to buy an expensive house or a car...... But yes, I am a teacher........... Some think that I have too many holidays, never knowing that I spend those holidays either correcting papers or planning what and how I'm going to teach when I go back to work Because i am a teacher.., Sometimes i get confused and even get stressed by the ever-changing policies over what and how I have to teach....... Despite all that, I am a teacher and I love to teach and I'm teaching............. On pay-days I am not happy as others do, but by the next day I love to come with a smile to those that I teach........... Because I m a teacher.... The main source of my satisfaction is when I see them growing, succeeding, having all those assets, bravely facing the world and its challenges, and I say yes I've taught in spite of living in a world opened by Google.. Because I am a teacher.... Yes I am a teacher........ It doesn't matter how they look at me, It doesn't matter how much more they earn than I do. It doesn't matter that they drive while I walk.... Because all that they now have is through me, A teacher... Whether they acknowledge me or not...... I am a teacher.... Jayasala42
Dear Jayasala, I see many parents being overprotective about their children, by not exposing them to the harsh realities of the world. The classroom projects, end up with professionals taking over them and the children never learn anything from their project. Be it a music, dance or fancy dress competition, it is always the professionals who pitch in by helping the kids to win prizes. The sheer fun of participating in an event and the spirit of accepting failures as part of life is totally missing in today’s generation of kids. Yes they are more knowledgeable then the teacher, but somewhere down the line, human values including empathy is totally missing!Good write up ! Agatha83
Thank you Agatha for the nice response.We are unable to interfere in the lives of our own grandchildren and seem to get protected under the pretext of preserving the privacy and freedom. Jayasala
Dear Jayasala madam, This post is spot on and forces us not to ignore this side. As parents, we tend to always lean on that single point that let our kids not go through the hardship that any of us faced earlier. And without such a metamorphosis, these children cannot really stand for long. Many face it much later and break down. Besides, we ourselves should allow them to explore, learn, make mistakes and refine themselves. Easily said than done of course. -rgs
What a nice write up ! Whatever we are we owe it to our teachers I fondly remember the best of times when just because of a teacher i was motivated to do my best. Not all experiences has been very nice with all the teachers however they are all remembered. May or may not be fondly. They all gave lessons for sure. I am all for "spare the rod spoil the child "ideology. Would be a crime to even hit the child in the country where I am right now, i have seen parents frustration when the child goes out of control . In fact I look at our now siblings the youngest one is most pampered one with easy accessibility to all the latest gadgets and is the most toughest one. I can still scold my my eldest of the younger brother who is 25 without thinking but have to think a bit about saying anything to younger one in public. If he comes back i might still hit him We all discuss its because he hast been not scolded enough from beginning ( might not be true still.. ) . I was scolded beaten and even hit with things i wouldn't want to mention here along with my brothers...but they are the most beautiful memories of my childhood. and yes all above was done for absolute right reasons. Views are strictly personal/experienced i do not intend to start a debate on it please off course i know there is no tailor made approach to raise a good child.
Dear Jayasala mam, This is a great guidance for people like me having younger children. Numerous times I am astonished to see how parents of my children's classmates think and try to manipulate their children capability by arguing with teachers. The respect we give to our teachers is not seen now. I am trying to instill that into my children. So far it is going smoothly. There are times i need to motivate them to pass the peer pressure hurdle. I loved the poem at the end so much. Thank you amma for the lovely post. Vani
Dear Ashima10, It is so nice of you having responded.I too agree that there is no single tailor made approach to bring up kids.Yet our responsibility lies in making the children brave enough to face certain failures and disappointments, the e=inevitable part of everybody's life.Certain parents argue,"let them face anything when they become old.What is the necessity of making them suffer at the young age?" A child should never be made to stand first always. jayasala42
Dear Girvani, Thank you for your kind post.Glad that young mothers like you are trying to instil great values in life.Very nice. jayasala 42
Thank you RGS for the wonderful response which I value a lot.It is nice to hear that young parents have understood the core values than the middle aged parents.Hope that wiser counsel prevails on parents.Let them view the challenging times with the right perception and direct the kids properly without pampering or thretening.After children are assets not only of the house but of the nation.It is the essential duty of parents to polish them to make them shine, no matter a few minor cuts happen once in a way. jayasala 42
Dear Smt. Jayasala: Thank you for this wonderful presentation of the teachers contributions to the well-being of the children and how the children should be allowed to experience ups and downs in life as a student. This might be true for vast majority of the teachers who are dedicated in their career and learned the art of teaching as opposed to their knowledge of the subject. What you said is very true for all teachers until the previous generation of teachers. Nowadays, teachers don't know how to differentiate between teaching skills and subject-matter expertise. The schools are only asked to focus on spoon feeding the children so that the school could achieve the highest percentage in a public exam. Partially, the educational system also needs to be blamed. Many teachers are interested in conducting private tuition to the students to augment their income and the parents may have to spend that extra money to make sure the children get the best of education. The number of children in each class is very high resulting in teachers not paying attention to whether every kid learned the lessons or not. In the US, the situation is even worse. When you see some of the teachers, one wonders whether they came to teach or conduct a fashion parade. Some are involved in inappropriate behavior with the children resulting in their arrest. Every time, I visited my son's schools (I am talking about (1995-2006), I always felt that most teachers couldn't even articulate the curriculum leave alone teaching. My son attended a IB high school and I had a chance to meet with some of the teachers. Some had very high level degrees such as Ph.D. but they lacked teaching skills. I agree the teachers play a prominent role in shaping the learning skills of the children. But some teachers nowadays are not capable of contributing this important skills. In our school days, character development was inculcated in various ways and the teachers considered that as their responsibility. Nowadays, a lot of them neither teach anything to build morality nor learning skills. Most children learn from each other or Google teacher or in some cases from the parents or through private tuition. Viswa
