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Those Who Quit Job After Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sandhya2020, Jul 21, 2021.

  1. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Many of my friends who are very good students, married NRIs in America and quit their jobs.Because of no work permit. They could have married someone in India , and continued their career but they preferrred this. After getting work permit, after some years, it is not easy for them to get similar jobs due to the gap.


    Also, many women in India quit job after marriage/after kids.. and they did not resume career when kids started going to school.

    Why did they do this? Do many women not like corporate jobs? Is it not good for women in senior levels? Is there not much scope for women? I genuinely want to know. Is the politics too much stress for them?

    I want to get idea about all this. To make some career/life decisions. Sorry if it sounds offensive to anyone, I know homemakers have a lot of work.
    But my question is how easily women gave up careers for which they studied their entire lives and got job with so much difficulty. Is corporate career really that unappelaing?
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Going far away from the parents of the potential husband had been the biggest attraction of the NRI alliance in marriages. It is a prepaid love-nest nuclear family without any pestilential MIL interference!! Has not a thing to do with corporate jobs or career ladders to climb.

    When people come to a fork of decision making --- to decide this or that ---as in marry-local or marry-NRI, they decide based on the information they have. More than often, the influential parent had a hand in that decision. Fathers have had subliminal influences on the daughters' decisions on marrying someone of a "certain" qualifications.

    I knew one woman who married an NRI, and had a high level corporate job, lots of travel, local and international, lots of hassle with reportees, as well as higher-ups. She was good at it. Didn't take any nonsense, and knew how to handle asinine idiots -- down or up in the organization. It is the same for a woman as it is for a man. It is stressful, but what high-paying job isn't?
     
  3. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I didn't mean to sound sexist- that women cannot handle stress. It's not about gender.I meant is it very difficult for women to handle corporate job alongwith taking care of kids. As one person has to have primary responsibility for kids, and it is usually the mother as she has to take break for pregnancy and breastfeeding.

    I've also seen numerous women in India in 30s who quit well-paying jobs for kids. Mostly this happens with women in cporporate rather than doctors/teachers etc.
     
  4. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Sandhya,
    It is definitely tough for a women to handle corporate job and been through it. There are women who handle both well but the %ge is really less. There is lot of gender bias in companies as well and seniors do not value or promote women. We have to keep our respect away at many times. Senior leads talk in different tone with women compared to other male colleagues..This is true in 70% of cases. .. I am now feeling and at a stage where in being house wife is far better than doing job only provided husband gives you money and cooperative. Many of my cousins give their credit cards to their wifes and that has not been case with my ex husband where he did not give me a single pie. So Job gives lot of strength and security to any person. Having said that not every NRI is happy few friends have not come to India s husbands dont allow or give them money and they some how have put up with men as they have no courage to divorce. So I feel decision is subjective. You can give yourself time with husband for 3-6mons and always rejoin company if you feel that mental security and financial freedom with husband. Biggest advantage of marrying NRI is that they will not have inlaws head ache all the time but again some men are getting their parents to live with them permanently even in US. From my experience, I do feel that if wife and husband are alone there will be strong love and bonding than staying in joint fmilies atleast during initial 5yrs of marriage.
     
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  5. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    @nolife Thank you for the perspective. I've seen more women go abroad through husband, than their own. Maybe there is some truth to it.
    Many are becoming homemakers, or taking up less hectic part-time proffessions.
     
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  6. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Oh there are many reasons arnt they.

    Some of them are not allowed to do what makes them happy.

    Some are and choose what they can live with and what they cant ( however regret slighlty on the things they had to give up because of their choices).

    Some women are naturally political so politics in office is just a part of life for them.
    Some are not fond of politics but have thick skin so they just zone out and focus on what their job is.

    Some are thin skinned and keep changing jobs or quit altogether and stay home.

    Some just want to be 24/7 mothers than anything else. They are happy that way.

    Some dont work because they can freely afford not to and they have supportive spouses.

    I have missed many. But just putting it out that there is no single reason.

    As of women tagging along with nri husbands and could stay housewives for the rest of their lives... well whatever rocks the boat!. Good for them!. Suite life!
     
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  7. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Well, I have seen many women who were good v.hardworking students, cracked decent jobs, somehow never got the chance to go onsite, and finally married NRI and wentt.I never understood what was their real aim in life, proffessional success or US life...Or did the corporate career disenchant them

    So I find it strange , that many women don't have passion for corporate career, rather they view their degree as a status symbol (STEM men prefer STEM women for marriage). They easily give up after achieving so much, just for first world life....
    Is corporate life really so unfulfilling for may women ? I am really curious about corporate life for women after 35/40.

    Because I have seen doctors etc would never compromise or take break in career for such reasons.
     
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  8. NOW

    NOW Silver IL'ite

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    Great points mentioned by others .. It is a combination of one's talent, drive, opportunities , necessity, support system , priorities as an individual and then as a couple when married. When living abroad it gets a tad bit more complicated as other things like sending baby to daycare, if in-laws or parents are visiting to help with baby during the initial months, any other relationship, financial or health issues going on or not .. in general growing up with patriarchal mindset, women automatically adjust themselves more on the household things and men tend to take lead on career and finance.. for some couples it works out well where one takes lead on home and kids front and other will focus on career.

    At the same time women also realize that they have more say and can assert their authority more when they are earning. So, we compromise and keep doing the job which is less rewarding but balancing everything somehow. At times the career progression feels stagnant but that happens to men as well close to 40's. If we somehow make it to the stage where we have decent career and kids are older than 7 .. then I feel depending on one's drive they can explore management or higher positions.. It all depends on that individual and keeping the fire in the belly going..

    Also, many women are convinced they do not have to work to lead comfortable and happy lives and I feel which is why they tend to keep their careers on back burner. Women are also convinced how much ever they achieve at work front their true success is tied to their husband's or kids' success. Biological clock is in clash with career clock for women and no one can argue this point.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021
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  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Who are we to decide others life??
     
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  10. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    You are completely misunderstanding the point of my post!! I've already clarified everything but i will make it clear again.

    I'm not judging or criticising anyone for their choices.
    As I've already made clear in my post,this is not to judge anyone .

    Rather I'm curious to know , if there is any kind of glass ceiling or unhappy experience for women in IT careers, that they think it is a better option to quit and go abroad than give more effort to IT career.

    As I have already mentioned these points in my post,
    -I know homemakers have a lot of work,
    -and primary responsibility of kids falls on women
    -perhaps stres sof handling motherhood alongwith corporate job

    I hope I have made myself clear.
    I am myself a woman and not clear about future prospects and experience of women and mothers, in senior levels after 35/40

    That's the whole point of making this post.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021

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