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This never happened earlier.....So why now.....am I over-reacting??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sridivya, Mar 3, 2010.

  1. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    I am here with something bothering me. Since some days I have observed that dh does not show interest in listening to my side of the conversation.
    Usually, every evening after kids go to bed at 8pm, we watch TV and simultaneously talk on different things that happened in the day. Sometimes, we switch off TV if one of us has something very important.
    Even while we are in our bedroom, while we are reading we talk in between if we have anything to share.

    These days I have seen that dh does not show any interest in what I have to say. For few days I thought I was over-reacting and tried to find out if anything in his mind he is preoccupied with, like work related etc. But NOTHING like that is keeping him occupied mentally.

    He usually has something to tell me about his day at work or with colleagues/friends. After his quota is over, as soon as I start to tell him what I did, what happened with my friends, with our kids or what I talked when I called up my/his parents etc etc he just starts walking away. I have observed without reacting immediately too as to what he does. He will just walk away and pick up remote and switch on the TV. And then immediately he will cut short what I am saying and bring up things shown on the TV or start his comments about news on the TV
    or some TV show etc etc whichever channel comes up first when he presses ON button OR picks up laptop and switches it ON, or picks up some book and gets settled on the couch.....No reaction or response to what I am saying.

    I have been observing this lately...too much. I told him couple of days back and even yesterday that he is just ignoring what I have to share with him even if it is not important. And that way whatever he has to say is not important to me either. Day before yesterday, he started something about his colleugue and I in fact got up and walked away and he stopped there. When again I returned he picked up the topic from there and continued. I thought he will notice that I abruptly got up and left without reason because I made it look that obvious too.....but NO, he just did not care.

    Yesterday, I suddenly stopped talking in the middle, when I saw he picked up the TV remote and he did not even notice that. I felt so bad.
    I said if you are really listening then tell me what I was saying now. He just shrugged and said laughing loudly....'These days you seem to be in real fighting mood, looks like one day you will bang my head to the this wall'.


    Ilites, Please tell me....Am I over-reacting??
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
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  2. kuccoo

    kuccoo New IL'ite

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    Snehidhi!
    Don't be emotional... Jut try to divert him by avoiding (seems to be) him allot ur with ur children.. That may tend to observ u.. Best of Luck...
     
  3. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    kucco, you mean not talk to him at all???
    Will that help?? How? Can you explain?
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Divya

    Usually the the way some men deal with problems is by shutting themselves down for sometime...the problem/issue may not be related to you/your family...it might not be his work related..might be he had some conversation withhis friend/extended family or he might have something on his mind and he is preoccupied...Until he finds some clarity on it, he may not be ready to share it...So just chill...give him some time like couple of days..and sure he will come around!! Dont worry...its just the way they deal with things...we talk it out and they try to figure it out with in themselves!! dont feel bad :coffee and pls be around..dont ignore him...just be there for him silently as an act of support..when he is ready he would talk.
     
  5. kuccoo

    kuccoo New IL'ite

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    No..no...If i say funny.... Talk but don't talk... Once he feels that u r avoiding somehow... Definitely he'll ask like wt happened to u and so... that is the best time to pour ur thoughts... It's not a matter of avoiding.. it's a part of bringing back to ur family atmosphere..k? Again best of luck..
     
  6. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    SriVidya, Thanks for the response.

    He will finish what he has to say and when I start something completely unrelated to his topic he walks away or gets distracted. I mean, these days he is not even listening to what I have to say.
    Like, yesterday he told me that his colleague along with family is moving to west coast. After that he told me some details like where, when etc. I heard everything and after he is done I started telling him that I talked to my friend on skype and she was telling me about how the weather is so bad these days at her place, her husband went to Canada for some work etc,etc and he immediately gets up and starts leaving place not for something important but just gets distracted. He knows this friend of mine very well.
    It was not like that earlier. He used to listen to everything I have to say.

    Hope I could get to you the whole scenario. I know you advise best.
     
  7. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    I got you! Kuccoo, Thanks for the response. I see that even if I stop talking abruptly he does not seem to care, these days.
     
  8. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Divya

    So problem here is not with communication/listening...but its with distraction...short term concentration:)...still I think just give it some time...Do ask him once in a while as to whats on his mind ...or is something bothering him??? is everything ok at work etc....Another hint to try at ...Before you start conversation ask him is he ready to hear about your day????:idea see how he responds
     
  9. lotusgirl

    lotusgirl Senior IL'ite

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    what if you stop telling him anything at all during these sessions for a few days.. if he realises and asks you about the lack of news from your side, then alls well.. you can then ask & figure out why he was like this for the past few says..

    But if he really doesnt react to this even after few days, then you really need to get the message across that this is bothering you. even if he laughs off, make him sit and hear out what you have been feeling by this shutting out. swtich of the tv or whatever hes getting distracted by.

    At least this is what i personally feel.
    Most of us have instances where we point out to our spouses how they are really not paying attention.. but then these are far and few in between. But if its constant and taht too a deviant from him regular behaviour, ofcourse its a cause for concern and i would be reacting the same way...
     
  10. kuccoo

    kuccoo New IL'ite

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    Honour is urs... Comeup with good news..take care... Depression will spoil everything....BYE
     

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