this made me laugh..........

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Arunarc, Mar 6, 2008.

  1. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    <TABLE style="WIDTH: 100%" cellSpacing=3 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0cm; PADDING-LEFT: 0cm; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0cm; WIDTH: 100%; PADDING-TOP: 0cm" width="100%"><SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","\u003cimg height\u003d\"369\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.5\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.5\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"588\"\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"6\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:24pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003eSummary of Life \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"334\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.4\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.3\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"264\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cu\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003eGREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e1) No matter how hard you try, you can\u0026#39;t baptise cats. \u003cbr\u003e2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don\u0026#39;t let her brush your hair. \u003cbr\u003e3) If your sister hits you , don\u0026#39;t hit her back. They always catch the second person. \u003cbr\u003e\n4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. \u003cbr\u003e5) You can\u0026#39;t trust dogs to watch your food.\u003cbr\u003e6) Don\u0026#39;t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. \u003cbr\u003e7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.\u003cbr\u003e\n8) You can\u0026#39;t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. \u003cbr\u003e9) Don\u0026#39;t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.\u003cbr\u003e10) The best place to be when you\u0026#39;re sad is Grandpa\u0026#39;s lap. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"8\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.8\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.7\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"312\"\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"128\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.6\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.8\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"128\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cu\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nGREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e",1]);//--></SCRIPT>

    Summary of Life


    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

    1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
    2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
    3) If your sister hits you , don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
    4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
    5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
    6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
    7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
    You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
    10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



    GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb"," \u003cb\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. \u003cbr\u003e\n2) Wrinkles don\u0026#39;t hurt.\u003cbr\u003e3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.\u003cbr\u003e4) Today\u0026#39;s mighty oak is just yesterday\u0026#39;s nut that held its ground. \u003cbr\u003e5) Laughing is good exercise. It\u0026#39;s like jogging on the inside. \u003cbr\u003e\n6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"128\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.7\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.2\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"128\"\u003e \u003cb\u003e\u003cu\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nGREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.\u003cbr\u003e\n2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get... \u003cbr\u003e3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you\u0026#39;re down there.\u003cbr\u003e4) You\u0026#39;re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you \u003cbr\u003e\nonce got from a roller coaster.\u003cbr\u003e5) It\u0026#39;s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. \u003cbr\u003e6) Time may be a great healer, but it\u0026#39;s a lousy beautician.\u003cbr\u003e7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"250\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.9\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.6\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"224\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cu\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003eTHE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e \u003c/u\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e",1]);//--></SCRIPT>

    1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
    2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
    3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
    4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
    5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
    6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.


    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get...
    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
    once got from a roller coaster.
    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e1) You believe in Santa Claus.\u003cbr\u003e2) You don\u0026#39;t believe in Santa Claus. \u003cbr\u003e3) You are Santa Claus.\u003cbr\u003e4) You look like Santa Claus. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"128\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.3\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.1\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"128\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cu\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nSUCCESS:\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/u\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eAt age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.\u003cbr\u003eAt age 12 success is .. . . having friends.\u003cbr\u003e\nAt age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence. \u003cbr\u003eAt age 35 success is . having money.\u003cbr\u003eAt age 50 success is . . . having money. \u003cbr\u003eAt age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.\u003cbr\u003eAt age 75 success is . . having friends.\u003cbr\u003e\nAt age 80 success is . .. . not piddling in your pants. \u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"126\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.2\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.4\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"145\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003e \u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003ePass this on to someone who could use a laugh.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"5\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:18pt;color:rgb(64,0,128)\"\u003eHave a wonderful day with many *smiles*\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cimg height\u003d\"102\" src\u003d\"?ui\u003d1\u0026amp;realattid\u003d0.1\u0026amp;attid\u003d0.9\u0026amp;disp\u003demb\u0026amp;view\u003datt\u0026amp;th\u003d1187fa18eac7b901\" width\u003d\"78\"\u003e\u003cb\u003e\u003ci\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" color\u003d\"#400080\" size\u003d\"4\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight:bold;font-size:13.5pt;color:rgb(64,0,128);font-style:italic\"\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nTake the time to live!!!\u003cbr\u003eLife is too short. Dance naked\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/font\u003e\u003c/i\u003e\u003c/b\u003e\u003cfont face\u003d\"\" size\u003d\"2\"\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10pt\"\u003e",1]);//--></SCRIPT>

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.
    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
    3) You are Santa Claus.
    4) You look like Santa Claus.

    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants.
    At age 12 success is .. . . having friends.
    At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
    At age 35 success is . having money.
    At age 50 success is . . . having money.
    At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
    At age 75 success is . . having friends.
    At age 80 success is . .. . not piddling in your pants.




    Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
     
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  2. Sumeru

    Sumeru New IL'ite

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    Excellent summary indeed ! I loved the 'Stages of Life' !
     
  3. Moonbeams

    Moonbeams Bronze IL'ite

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    Great stages....I must admitBow
     

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