This Annoying Teacher

This primary teacher is our neighbor for sometimes, and a very close ally of my MIL (who is also our neighbor )
She was my son's ex class teacher in School during 2017. Since I have no objection in her teaching skills, and we are quite familiar with her/her family, I decided to send my son to her place for evening classes.
It was actually not necessary for a young 6 yr old boy to attend tuition classes though. But I made this decision to lessen the burden my mom takes during the evenings when I am out for work.
This way, my kids get some time to study/revise whatever they have learnt in School, as well my mom gets some time to rest/relax during their absence. The class was for 1.5 hrs daily during week days. For that, I paid a good money to this teacher.

Since the time this teacher encountered with my son in School as well as in class, she has negative impression about him.
It was quite surprising to me in the beginning as all his teachers from his LKG to Primary School, as well his after school class teachers (like swimming, elocution, Sunday school etc) like him quite a bit, and they often praise something or the other about him. He is naturally very intelligent, and has some great talents like "stage performance, memorizing, music, math etc..
But this teacher doesn't see any of them.
She would complain about his vocabulary, bad hand writing, naughty behavior in School almost all the time I see her.
She would also compare him to the other students, only to put him down for his mistakes. But in a way, she indirectly praises the moms of other kids, to show how poor I was as a parent.

Initially, I would get pissed off, and scold my son for behaving badly. I know his handwriting can be worst at times, as well he was/is naughty too.
But then, when the pattern of complaints are repeated, I smelled something wrong.
So, I genuinely tried to change her opinion towards him by quoting, how he behaves nicely in other classes, and get appraisals.. But she would cut me down by looking at me as though I was lying.
Then I tried to make her see my point by showing his exam scores in School (which was given by her only) ,where he used to score above 90 almost all the time. He was one of the top 5 kids when he was in class 2 (last year), and I was quite happy about his place.
But she would dismiss all of them just like that, but end up blaming me, my parenting style each time for everything.

That's how I smelled something was seriously not right with this woman.

She visited my home a couple of times only to blame how poor my son in School, as well as in her class, and then gave me unsolicited advice as to how much I should improve my parenting style. She would literally say "You must consider more about your son, you must pay more attention on your kids, you must sit with him and teach at least a couple of hrs daily, you must control him, you must do this and that... as if I am not doing"
She won't visit my place as a neighbor for anything else.
Besides, she won't visit any of her other students' home for this either. There are students who score less than 40% in average, and needs improvement.

I was so dumb all these days, that I felt she was having real concern about my son, since she is related to MIL, and that's why complaining about his mistakes to change him.
But now, I see from where she comes from...

Daily in the evenings my MIL used to go there to pick up my son and DD from the tuition class. Where MIL spends sometimes with the teacher, and her mother chatting "worldly matters".
And I know how MIL praises about her DILs, specially me.

Years back, when I was a newly wedded, people used to come to my place to teach me how I should behave..
And then people comes to me to check whether I feed my newborn properly, or whether I am being a good mom.
Many would criticize the way I raise my kiddo, and give me unsolicited advice as if I know nothing.
And all these people were my MIL's folks, and they came to me with the "good heart - pun intended" to correct me as though I am that much dumb woman, who has no support, and who has no brain of hers.
Those days, I had a hard time adjusting to these kind of people, who come to mock me in addition to what my MIL did.
So, all seemed as though everyone is against me, and I am the only odd one that time.

I came from a very private family background, where people won't interfere too much into other's private matters, unless they are living under one roof or related.

But, somehow I stood up for myself, and gave them back what they deserved.
I somewhat drew a line, and didn't allow anyone to cross it.
That's how that tragedy came to an end, of course with tons of bitterness from both the end.

6 years down the line, I face something similar right now.

Yesterday, when this teacher came to my place with yet another complain, and advice, I gave it back nicely on her face.
I told her that I know how to raise my kid, as I am an educated fella with worldly experience. So, she shouldn't be worried about my parenting skills or my son's future.
Besides, I see my son as a well talented boy with multiple skills. I got this confirmed by many other teachers, including his present class teacher in School. I accept the fact that he is a little naughty, and him being a male kid it is different from the female kids of his age. But his class teacher knows how to handle him, and make him occupied in the class, so there is no complaint about it.
She, as a teacher doesn't know how to handle a child, then there is no point of sending him to her tuition. I am not here to listen complaints about my son's behavior. So, I politely asked her to get out of my place, and stopped my son & DD from evening classes.

It took me this while (almost 1 year) to realize the fact, because I always considered her as my son's School teacher, and not as my MIL's ally.
Now that she no longer teaches for my son at School (she is the class teacher of grade 2, and my son is now grade 3).

Today my MIL came questioning about the kid's eve class. I told MIL, that I won't send my kids to a teacher who can not see her students as students, but as someone's children, and spit venom based on her preconceived notions.
So, my kids would be better without such a teacher & her classes.

Vent over

 

Thanks for your reply

I very well understand this. Her place was not a typical tuition center, but a kiddies play area where tuition classes happen for older kids. My kids used to study there for a while, but spend most of their evenings by playing only.
Besides, I've tried keeping nannies, and play dates to relieve mom from the burden in the past. But nothing worked well.
More importantly mom didn't like nannies, and kids won't get close to nannies when their granny is around.

I don't see this as her problem in general. She is a very neutral teacher at School with all the other kids though. She is being more patient with those hyper active kids, and with the slow learners.
Just that, she highly believes I am a worst mom, who cares nothing about her kids and who knows nothing. That's why she thinks her advises are needed to improve myself.
She doesn't reach out to any other parents to give such unsolicited advises except me.
That's why I smelled my MIL's influence here.

They are not of the same age group. In fact her mom and MIL are of same age group. This teacher may be a decade older than me. She has an older child.
But they are of same background. They are from same native, and same group which I am not part of.

 

My son went to tuition in 2017 when he was 6 and studying at Grade 2. Now that he is 7, and in grade 3.
In Sri Lanka, where education can not be sold for money, it is very competitive at all the stages.
We only have Government schools, and state exams which is a bit tougher.
And there is this grade 5 exam, that comes in 2 years will mostly determine the destiny of the kids at the age 9-10.
That's why parents send kids as young as mine to tuition classes for at least 1 hr after school to maintain the speed of their race. Which is quite unfortunate though.
As I explained above, tuition classes are very child friendly with play areas and facilities, so kids get to play more as they are young. And their focus change to study as they grow older.
Her tuition center or teaching is perfect. Just that her attitude towards my parenting is quite bothering.

 

Stopped him from her class. He doesn't need it right now.
He goes to other classes like swimming and elocution which he enjoys.
More importantly, my son felt OK at her place even though the teacher was negative about him. It looked she was concerned about me more than my kiddo
Poor thing, lost her income from my kids, as well as their mates... (ya, two of his friends denied going there after learning their best friend isn't going. Most likely they will also quitting)

 

My son is too young to understand these politics. Of late, I learned from him that this teacher used to tell him that your momma is bad, she doesn't care about you, look at other momma's who are very concerned about their kids etc.
He says that he used to defend me earlier, by telling "no, my momma loves me etc" but eventually he gave in to her comments, and accepted it.
I remember my son used to irritate me those days saying "momma you don't care for me, you don't buy this for me etc.." but I didn't connect the dots back then.
This is exactly my MIL tried earlier, and failed....

She was/is a good teacher, but her attitude is not good. I don't want my son to be spoilt at this young age, specially when I am busy with career, resulting work-life imbalance for now.