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They Say They Don't Believe In Marriage.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SeekingMind, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. SeekingMind

    SeekingMind Silver IL'ite

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    I just came to know that one girl 17yrs old a high schooler a white girl, in our neighborhood is pregnant. She is not yet married. Has a boyfriend though.
    When I heard I was actually disturbed. Not that I don't know these things happen in America but I know this girl and her family so well. Thoughts of her future simply scared me to the core. I thought that's how her mother must also be feeling but nope, to my surprise her mom is is very happily announcing on Facebook "my baby is going to have a baby ". I found it quite disgusting. Typical Desi way last evening when a group of ladies met I said why don't they get them married? One woman agreed but couple of ladies started saying marriage is just a piece of paperwork which they don't need if there is real love, and that they don't believe in this institution of marriage.

    I can never understand how they can accept baby before marriage so easily. Or is it that they have given up on their kids?
    And, some remain unmarried throughout life , may be with one partner or multiple and keep having babies. If they don't believe in the institution of marriage then so be it but then why have babies?
    Is it only me or you too feel the same?
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why judge?
    They are blessed with a less judgemental society and their conduct is according to that.
    What matters most is that the baby is loved,the child will not be called names and people are looking forward to the birth instead of thinking about the drain to throw it in.Throwing a child in a drain....now that is disgusting.

    As for the mother's reaction....How do you not love the child of your child?Whatever the circumstances...her reaction is better than killing your child in the name of honor....or any of the many things we do to girl's in such circumstances.

    I don't think we as a society are that much better to be so judgemental.

    Personally...I think she is a bit too young physically and emotionally to be having a child...
     
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  3. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

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    I too feel the same.. I feel that giving birth to a baby is fine only after marriage.. But now a days I see that many people are ok with "living together" concept in which if they get along with their partner well then they continue for the whole of their life else look for another partner.. Once you get married you need to maintain a good relationship with your partner's family(which includes your partner's uncle and aunt etc..).. But in relationships without marriage you don't need to bother about others.. If their relationship with their partner goes on in a steady manner then they think of having a baby else they don't decide on having a baby that easily.. A lot of planning goes on wrt issue on baby.. This is what I think..
     
  4. gok

    gok Silver IL'ite

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    There is no guarantee that the baby is going to be loved and pampered by her/his father even if married. We are seeing many such stories here in IL, including mine. Divorce here in US is as simple as living together and parting away. It does not make any difference. You can ask for child support in both the cases. The only difference is no income from either side will be split if they are not married.
    I always wonder why did i marry. If atleast i did not marry him and just lived with this guy and still had a baby, atleast i would not have thought that this is a life long bonding and may be i would have been less hurt with all that happened.
    But i feel 17 year old girl is a child, who would not be strong enough to hold another child, both physically and mentally.
     
  5. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    I totally agree with @yellowmango. Why are you so worried about that girl, it's quite common in their society and their family & society accepts this.

    Even our Indian culture has lot of negatives. What if these foreigners ask us about - why do we need to give/take dowry for marriage? Why some females still continue in a bad marriage? Why an unmarried lady has to go for abortion? Why a girl child is being killed / aborted?

    Every culture & society is different. If they are following their culture, then why should we have a problem at all, who are we to judge them?
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
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  6. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I am not worried about before marriage or after marriage..
    At 17,she herself is a kid and dependent on her parents.I strongly believe woman should be physically and mentally prepared to take care of a child and the responsibilities that come with it.

    She has to complete an education first and make herself financially capable.Having a child is not a joke.

    Honestly,even with the living together or child out of wedlock EVEN IN TODAY'S WORLD the woman is the one who is affected.

    I remember a doctor who said"girls are so open minded these days and ok with living together and guys are only more than happy to take advantage"..

    Is the guy going to be pregnant or deliver??only the girl will go through all the emotional hell.Even if they split it's the woman who in most cases are suffering.one needs to think...
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
  7. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Teen pregnancy is high in the US. 17 is not the age to have a child. Stating that.

    This is a complicated situation- Living in the US, this is one such thing we should educate our child about sex, actions, and responsibilities.
    I am pro-life, but again I would think long and hard if I were 17 and pregnant. Not because of what the society or people around me will say...

    How much support my family can give? At 17, my parents were feeding me and giving me pocket money. So, I have to depend on my parents to feed, cloth, diaper and even babysit my child? Even if I had to go out and try to make a living?
    Will the 17-year-old girl stick to the father of the child, because he is the father and will never date?
    This situation is like playing house- the 17-year-old will have a baby and her parents will take responsibility of raising the child, when she goes to school, parties or until she finds a job?

    Not that it can't be done- but it takes a lot of effort from her parents and her, less drama from the child's father.


    In my experience-
    Americans find it easy to be in-live in, have a child without commitment. It's their perspective of freedom. To them marriage is an eternal bond and just to have a child they shouldn't be married... if they don't see love, compromise or unsure, they don't get married. Americans don't believe in commitment and then fall in love.

    I had few friends who had children and weren't married. But they were committed to each other and in late 20's. They were doing their MS and living together. Taking responsibility for their offsprings.

    I definitely respect couples who can take care of their children with marriage or without marriage. All the child needs is a loving family with steady partners. The child doesn't know or care the institution of marriage.
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2016
  8. momsky

    momsky Gold IL'ite

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    The pregnancy was an accident and marriage will not obviously solve the problem, so why marry? There's no guarantee the boy will let the girl finish her education and achieve her career goals. I'd rather keep the baby than let a daughter of mine marry at 17!

    People and relatives will obviously gossip about it but its better than seeing my child suffer for life.
     
  9. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Probably they don't believe that a baby is the right reason to get married. Baby at 17 is not right imo. But getting married is not a solution either. 2 wrongs don't make a right.

    I wish Indian society is as accepting of mistakes and gives these kids 2nd chances in lives.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Teenage boys who father a baby do not get off so easy. Most U.S. states have laws that require parents of boys under 18 to pay child-support on his behalf, if he doesn't share custody of the baby. After he turns 18, he is responsible to pay child-support, unless he doesn't have a job. When he has/gets a job, child-support is taken directly from his paycheck, including any past unpaid amounts. Unpaid child support can wreck credit history as that can stay on the credit history for up to 7 years.

    Laws vary from state to state, and the above is not an exact description of the laws, but the teenage boys do not get off the hook very easily.

    On another note, some high schools provide on-campus day cares for students. Not sure how many, but I've seen some. The realization that the daycare was for kids of students, and not kids of teachers, was an eye-opener! :flushed:
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2016

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