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The " Someday" That Never Came .

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by SCSusila, Aug 8, 2017.

  1. SCSusila

    SCSusila Gold IL'ite

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    This is about my eldest sister-in-law, a sweet lady always full of life .

    She was married off as soon as she had finished her PUC ( that is school finals of those days ) . She was always thirsty for knowledge , read a lot about everything and learnt fast.


    And she had a very big Bucket List of things she wanted to do . She wanted to travel widely, to many interesting places , both within country and in foreign lands .

    She wanted to develop her painting skills and do large canvasses, hold solo exhibitions .

    She wanted to learn stone sculpting .

    She wanted to publish cook books with her invented recipes .

    So many things .

    And she would always be telling us , " Someday, when children are grown up and settled , and we are retired, I am going to do all this ! Just waiting for that day ! "


    Her husband being on a Gulf job, she had a long distance marriage mostly , for the sake of children's education, and taking care of Father-in-law and an Aunt-in-law . So , she was forever busy running the whole show singlehanded. All that left her so exhausted that whatever spare time she got , she just spent in a little light reading and resting. Her paintbrushes were neglected .


    Then , in time , children got settled , the old people passed away . The husband retired . That Someday , The Golden Time she was waiting for all her life finally arrived !


    But she doesnt travel or paint or sculpt. Though herself in good health, her husband has a whole lot of health conditions that it is impossible for her to leave home for more than 2 days . When at home , she has to be full time office-secretary plus Nanny for him . Besides that , she has to babysit her grandchild as her daughter has a high stress corporate job 9 to 9 .


    Now 66 years old , she jokes that she has started life all over again with two babies to look after ( her grandchild and her husband ) .

    All the cherished dreams she had postponed to " Someday " never got realised .

    I feel so sorry for her .

    But she doesnt feel sorry for herself .

    " I will do all that Someday , in the next life ! " she laughs .


    God writes screenplays we can never understand .
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @SCSusila,

    What a woman she is! Her ambition to do so many things despite getting married at a very young age, focus on taking care of family needs throughout her life even after her husband's retirement and how she takes her inability to get to any of her ambitions nicely with a smile are great qualities. I wish her soulmate encourages her to do at least a few if not travel in this life itself. She could learn and teach her grandchildren something else in life besides her own great quality.

    Viswa
     
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  3. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Susila,
    "Someday" would never come. We have to create that day....in spite of all the responsibilities. Final screenplay is always written be God. No doubt about it. But we have to do our share first and then leave it to God.
    Syamala
     
  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    My thought was "Wow! Her optimism and outlook!" We often get bogged down by what we want and our inability to achieve that. She seems to have made peace with what's on her plate and doing her best. I do hope and wish some of her wishes come true.
     
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  5. SCSusila

    SCSusila Gold IL'ite

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    @Viswamitra , @shyamala1234 , @Srama
    Thank you for your comments . She is indeed a cheerful and balanced lady , not crying over spilt milk or past .
    She could have made time to do what she wanted but it is not that she never tried .
    Her interrsts are mostly in creative side , and creativity and the inspiration to create will not come on demand . She did draw sometimes , or send recipes to magazines . But could not do anything on large scale like she wanted because there was always that need to keep looking at the clock , if she will be late to make coffee or there will be the doorbell , the dobhi will come for collection , phone will ring , time to go to receive the child from school bus ......all these are hinderance to flow of inspiration to create . Even now , its the same. Added to that , being older , she gets tired after finishing duties , so, no strength to get creative .
    Was just thinking , its all cery nice to keep showing her feel good posters like " The Time is Now " or " Snatch your Moment " etc. but in practical, its difficult. Unless she learns to say " I dont care " and concentrate on herself . How many ladies , her age, will do that ?
     
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  6. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP, your SIL is a great woman, who smilingly lived her life making sacrifices for the sake of near & dear ones. Hats off to her!
    Sometimes, I even feel bad about taking my career slow when DD was born & first few years & also for getting behind in the so called "career race" because of that! And look at this woman, she doesn't feel a bit bothered for having spent her whole life for others, great, great woman:thumbup::worship2:
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @SCSusila a nice, short but very thought-provoking snippet. Many of us will know people among our relatives in their late 60's and older who had to postpone or sacrifice many such dreams due to life's other responsibilities. Women often burdened with household responsibilities and men with the responsibility of being sole wage-earner.

    I like the ones who like your SIL are light-hearted about it. No drama and no dialogues about the sacrifices they made. There were also men and women who even with the responsibilities still found the time to pursue their dream, even if it took years.

    Now, with the modern time-saving conveniences and both husband and wife earning, mostly 2 or less kids per household, the ability to outsource some household tasks, more men sharing the household responsibilities, options like sabbaticals, and taking a break of few years while staying current and employable by freelancing, volunteering, it is easier to pursue one's hobbies and related dreams.
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2017
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  8. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    @SCSusila ,A short crisp snippet elaborating on an enthusiatic woman.I am reminded of my mother( 1903-1987).She could study only upto 3rd standard, lived in ajoint family of 30 people.Her essential dwelling place was kitchen and 20% of her valuable time was spent on grinding idli-dosa batter in a manual grinding stone.She liked mathematics so much and was much interested in creating and solving cryptical puzzles and composing songs.
    The cattle shed with cemented platform was her workshop. As soon her her kitchen chores over, she had some 0ne hour time.She took a chalk, did so many problems and she was able to guide me doing algebra sums in my SSLC class.
    Whenever my niece found some difficulty in solving problems, patti was there and patti would have written step by step solution in the cow shed.
    Grinding hrs were exclusively hers to think about composing songs either for the annual jothra festival or for the on coming daughter's marriage- Amma's songs elaborating the education and virtues of the bride and groom were a specaility in those days.Her 'oppaari' songs,composed by her and sung during the death of friends/relatives moistened everybody's eyes.
    When I said'Amma, had you studied in College, you would have been in limelight like Ramanujan.she used to say'it is like lame man desiring for taking honey from honey combs from tall trees'. I am destined to do certain things and I am possessed of certain aptitudes. I have to make time to fulfill my desires to the extent possible instead of leaving the limited abilities to get rusted at the kitchen.'
    Anybody with such heavy chores would have liked to nap for a while or get engaged in useless gossips that were so common among women in those days.Amma's gossip centred around puzzles and amma's created puzzles were so popular among young men and women.With her little knowledge acquired from my grandma she assisted neighbouring women to deliver babies safe at home.In those days medical assistance was a rarity and Amma was an angel in place whenever any girl in the village was in labour.
    I remember an instance.My sister was full term pregnant.
    My mother was in kitchen preparing idlies.My sister who talking idlies felt feeling uneasy.
    There was absolutely no pain.Membrane ruptured.Kitchen was in a mess.Next minute the baby was out of the womb. My Shrewd mother utilised the piping hot water inside the idly vessel to sterilise the scissors to cut the umblical chord, and gave a nice bath to the baby with the same water making it warm in the kitchen itself which turned into a labour ward.We were looking at her with awe and reverence and appreciated her ingenuity.
    She might not have got any degree or diploma for her attainment.Yet she stands as an epitome of commonsense and shrewdness ,managing all critical situations at the same time fulfilling her own desires to the extent possible.Who knows about our next janma?

    jayasala 42
     
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  9. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    Your sister's story can be relatable to many married women. It is good that she doesn't feel sorry for her situation or feels disgruntled. At the same time, sometimes we women have to go against circumstances and try and do the things we want against all odds. Ultimately the aim is to feel happy and fulfilled with how we lead our lives.
     
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  10. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear@SCSusila,
    There were many like your S-I-L in the previous generation with lot of potential and talent. But they were unable to show it to the outside world as they were stuck up in the joint family and their full time was spent on tending to the elders and youngsters of the family. It is really regrettable that they were unable to fulfill their desires and ambitions.
    PS
     
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