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The Return of the Ancestors

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Apr 4, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    The Return of the Ancestors<o:p _fckxhtmljob="3">
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    DNA, of the 3<SUP _fckxhtmljob="3">rd</SUP> of April had this interesting one.
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    I thought just Indians were superstitious about their ancestors, but it seems the Taiwanese are more so.Taiwanese believe that burning paper models makes a version of the item available to the dead in the spiritworld !So they are offering paper models of I Pods, Ferrari's, and what not !!!
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    Now here we feed the pandits on Shrad, lovely food items.You mean we should buy cookery books, and the page which has a lovely mouthwatering photo of a dish, we should tell the pandit to shove it down his , I mean the throat . Since we ape the west, the pandits should accept our paper food offerings eh !
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    And there could be a big fight among the spirits upstairs.The Taiwanese spirts would feel bad they are offered paper gifts, the Indian fellow spirits are offered real food downstairs.The American spirits, well they are soon forgotton, nothing is offered maybe a rose or two on their graves .
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    But there are so many issues here.There are Veg Spirits, Non Veg Spirits, Sick Veg spirits, Sick nonveg spirits, and so on. For a nonveg spirit, if the food goes to the spirit, then the pandit better eat what the dead fellow ate.For the sick deceased, the pandit be even made to swallow the medicines too. In my case, he would be given nonveg,a glass of whiskey, a cigarette, two papads, even though that may not be enough for me to last a whole year, for the pandit will come only after a year, but still one good meal a year will keep me in good spirits literally.But I will be kind enough to share some of it with a lady spirit, if she is pretty , and if I can sense an opportunity !!!
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    And what of the spirits of these Gurus of whom we keep reading . The pandit to be put in a room with a woman, and be filmed with her, and it will be apt for these scoundrels, and have the tape played in the late Guru’s Ashram !
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    Pandits don’t eat on Shradh these days, they come, take the food in a brand new Tiffin which u are asked to provide, and 10 such tiffins collected are sold, with the food included, to a small dhabha near the railway station, who in turn sell the food to the beggars, who have a feast that day, and what he eats goes to the ancestors.and of course the tiffin sold separately to the shopkeepers.
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    The liquor baron, well the pandit will be bathed in the real spirits , and given a whole year’s quota to take home, for the upper spirit can afford the lower spirit cost, and a calendar given too, the special one.
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    What for the spirit of Morarji Desai ? Well a special drink for the pandit. I guess the guy will puke, dear friends.
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    You guys can contribute a lot here, I know yr contributions will be better than my blog.
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    You great spirits, my piece of advise, why don’t u guys and gals stay up, and forget the earth. You had your fill, u guys had 8 or 10 kids, had fun, we guys have one or two kids, u had yr share of fun, let us have our share now.We guys cant even afford the paper models of the dry fruits u guys used to munch on day in and day out . The old order changeth, as says the Bible.
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    So be in good spirits guys and gals, be spirited while down here, for who knows, after u become a spirit, who will do the salvation for u, the pandit or the beggar, or no one.
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    Have a great spirited weekend, ladies and Gentlemen.
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    KAMAL MAHTANI
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    The New Version of ABCD
    A – Aristocrat
    B – Bagpiper
    C – Canon
    D – Director’s Special
    E – Eight PM
    F – Foster
    G – Green Label
    H – Haywards
    I - Imperial Blue
    J – Johnny Walker
    K – King Fisher
    L – <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:city _fckxhtmljob="3" w:st="on"><st1:place _fckxhtmljob="3" w:st="on">London</st1:place></st1:city> Pilsner
    M – Mcdowels
    N – Nicolase No 1
    O – Old Monk
    P – Peter Scot
    R – RoyalStag
    S – Signature
    T- Teachers
    U – Uni Buol
    V – Vat 69
    W – White Mischeif
    X- XXX Rum
    Y – Yankey
    Z – Zingaro
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    Bond meets Andhra Guy
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    Bond – Hi My name is Bond , James Bond.And you ?
    Andhra Guy – I am Sai,
    Venkat Sai,
    Siva Venkat Sai,
    Laxminarayana Siva Venkat Sai.
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    <o:p _fckxhtmljob="3">

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  2. ganges

    ganges Gold IL'ite

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    dear Kamalji,

    There you are. Hilarious. I couldnt control laughing very loudly that my son peeped into the room. I will explain them later. Kamalji, you are a humour specialist I think. Whatever you write you change it into a lighter subject with your humour sense. hats off.

    here for the spirit, we also give food to the brahmans on all sradhas. But dear so far this pandits they dont have the idea of taking home or doing business with that. But they are not eating well as like before. Nowadays for my father and mother we give feast for all in a old age home that particular days.

    Morarji and the guru spirits are the two extreme cases !!!! Even as a spirit you wont control your naughtiness ha!!!! I like pasta very much but I dont like whether the pandit who eat for my spirit likes it or not.

    very nice posting friend. Do write often.

    the new version for ABCD is superb dear we have to see education dept ministry to change the present one.

    ganges
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2010
  3. shreyashreyas

    shreyashreyas Gold IL'ite

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    The elaboration of the writeup in a newspaper = a wonderful post and a thought provoking post by kamal uncle......

    Enjoyed every bit.... the liquour baron, moraji desai, spiritual gurus.... even i wonder if this happens then what would be the fate of these pundits......

    Happy weekend to you too kamal uncle...

    Sandhya
     
  4. Amma15

    Amma15 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Kamalji,

    Very funny! Really enjoyed.
    Oh God, is that the version of ABCD .......... my grand children will be learning? Thank God I have a long wait. Enough time to familiarise myself with the new version!
    You will find it a bit strange - but both my parents and ILs are a bit unconventional. They did the Shrardha etc regularly for their parents but when it came to them, it was different. My FIL told my DH he did not want a priest - he wanted his eyes to be donated to the eye hospital and his body to the Anatomy department! He said," What happens to my soul is determined not by some priest who comes to get his bag and purse filled, but by the good or bad deeds I have done in this life!" So there was no cremation. 10th day to satisfy MIL some ceremonies in Ragavendra Mutt and feeding the poor.
    Whem my mom died my dad did not want a priest to come between her and her Maker! So no priest, just bhajans and cremation and 10th day fed some 3000 odd poor. So every year it is feeding or clothing old age home inmates. No priest!
    PS. Sorry for the long reply.

    Regards,
    Usha
     
  5. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :biglaugh:biglaughKamalji
    Now after the loo which of his ancestors Kamalji has brought here to introduce them to us all here..so came immediately to find out...:crazy

    Now instead of introducing A for apple in the school we can give this new version of ABCD...heheh so that children will learn more faster:hide:
    Even though I don't reply much now a days but a regular reader of your hilarous posts Kamalji...It really brighten ups our mind and spirit:)
     
  6. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    LOL ! Nice one Kamalji.

    The Taiwanese just offer paper models. Aren't we glad we are not in ancient Egypt , where it is believed, when the Pharoah died, they used to pack off everything and everyone around him ( household amenities, soldiers, workers, concubines, pets)into the tomb, for use in his afterlife too ! Mass Rapid Transport to Heaven !
     
  7. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Ganges,

    Pasta for the pandit eh ! the poor guy will choke to death.:rotfl
    Old age homes is a good idea, very good.Here in Jaipur, u have to take appointment for the day to feed them, for they are booked in advance, so i get put off actually.

    Thanks for the first comment and glad u liked it.Regards

    kamal
     
  8. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sandhya,

    thanks for liking this , and yr wonderful comments.when i recieve such lovely FB's, i feel motivated to write more.

    Now i am fascinated by Sania Mirza impending marrige, and the drama surrounding it.Making a blog on it, my style.:biglaugh

    Regards

    kamal
     
  9. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Usha,

    A few years back, the version of ABCD was ABCL, the company floated by Amitabh, now this is the new defination, which yr grankids and mine will learn:biglaugh

    that was wonderful of yr FIL to donate his eyes organs and body.Superb.I would love to donate my organs, not the body though, for seeing the skeleton, who knows how much sadness it maybring later on.

    Yes wonderful to feed the elderly, than a priest Usha, i somehow have lost faith in priests and Gurus, for they too will die one day, like u and me, i dont beleive they have any powers, but i speak fopr myself.

    thanks dear for the lvoely FB, it is not long, it was enjoyable and iformative.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Aruna,

    make an effort to post an FB, it is always valuable to the writer, and at times the FB may criticize too, but even thatis helpful, it makes us realize our shortcomings, sometimes i get carried away, and may write something inappropriate, which is pointed out in the FB, so next time one ios careful.

    Now i am fascinated by the comingmarrige of Sania Mirza, and the drama about it, i will write on it tomm, my way of course.:biglaugh

    thanks and keep coming, and say Hi to the spinx, will u.HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     

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