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The Myth of Total Honesty in married life!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Priya_Mommy, Mar 3, 2010.

  1. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies,
    Offlate, I have been thinking about the honesty that exists between husband and wife.
    We often hear about honesty and trust being the foundation and main ingredients of a healthy and successful marriage. How true is this? 100%? Is there such a thing as too much honesty and openness? Is there such a thing as trust turning into blind trust over time with far-reaching consequences?
    Is there such a thing as no secrets between a couple? Or, like how, there are always some things best left secret between even the best of friends, there are also some things best left unsaid between H & W ? After all, a H & W are supposed to be the best of friends, aren't they?

    Generally typing in some random thoughts. Not soliciting anyone's personal details here! Hopefully, the discussion can stay generic.

    What do I think? Don't know, for the only secrets I have kept are like mailing the tax returns a day later than I said I did [​IMG]membarrassed:
    Or, more often, not actually keeping a secret(s), but communicating the secret a bit later and at a more opportune time.
    Overall, I think the total honesty and no secrets thing is overrated. I have friends who keep no secrets at all from their husbands, and it almost comes down to not having any part of their life that is their own.
    We being women maintains almost transperancy with husbands but do they also share everything with us??

    Any thoughts/opinions/feelings welcome.
     
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  2. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]hmm nice topic...I don't think there exists 100% transparency or 100% openness between husband and wife :)....exceptions are always there...
    me and my husband are very frank with each other....we do express everything to each other.. but he does hide sometimes things from me just to avoid any possible conflict.....even it never leads to any conflict sometimes he hides.. :tongue...if somehow I find about it later...and if its harmless I laugh it off with him..

    Coming to me...I do sometimes tell white lies to him... or say if he doesn't do something due to laziness (even if it benefits him...he doesn't due to laziness or postponing mentality) I say him a lie to make him do that for his welfare or welfare of the family...If I am honest there probably he won't do it...So I need to lie.

    I think as long as the lies do not harm the relationship or harm the feelings of a person or cheat the person....or effect a major decision that involves the family or the spouse ...its no harm in telling a lie.

    You understand Telugu.... so I just wanted to say it in Telugu ( can remove it if anyone objects )

    I used to love pickles soooo much even when I was toddler. I never ate anything without them.. 1.5 years toddler i think has no capacity to eat 3 times avakaya daily all the 365 days...So my mom used to feed me curd rice and lie to me saying its "idi tella avakaya.....baguntundi tineyi" just because eating so much avakaya is harmful to me. I believed her almost up to 3 years and assumed curd rice to be tella avakaya till the age of 3 years.... Later someone told me its curd rice. Now I laugh it.... but She had to lie to me
    [/justify]
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  3. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Priya,

    A Very good post indeed!

    First of all to be honest to your partner is to do things that are good for the family. It need not be meant on the 100% transparency of information and happenings.

    Also as per indian tradition , wife is expected to be the filterer of information to husband, as to tell only that needs to be told and avoid those that would cause confusion and anger and problems in the family.A wife is also expected to maintain a relationship with others outside the family in a way that is beenficial for the family's wellness and prestige.

    I normally do not disclose any unpleasant feelings that my parents might have on my DH/ in laws at times. Vice versa to my parents as well. It might be that they utter certain opinions on people out of emotions Its our duty that we keep such information away from dh;s ears not only to avoid problems but also to maintain the relationships in a smooth manner in the family.
     
  4. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Pavani,
    Just 1.5 year, you used to eat aavakaya???how spicy you are!!! Just kidding!!Tella avakaya is good!! so do you like red avakaya or tella avakaya now?
    So, if it benefits to the other person, then we can tell white lies to anybody. Afterall to get married, people can tell upto 1000 lies!!!
     
  5. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]
    haha yeah..... avakaya annam rooju tinakayapoyina...nanchukovataniki sure ga avakaye at that age... yeah i eat very spicy... I don't know from where i got those genes... My dad's family is from guntur...probably because of that...now I love avakaya more..kotha avakaya is more preferable :tongue[/justify]

    yeah as the saying goes...... :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  6. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    ladies
    all of you are reminding me avakaya
    and eroju inka tinaledu nenu my mouth is watering now...its reminding me vedi(hot) annam..uthha pappu and kotha avakaya + ghee
    hmm coming to this topic
    i always belive being honest is best thing to do
    i will be always honest and disclose everything to my dh ..my life is open book to him but he is not like that..he hides lots of things from me ..but in that i find he hides things which cause a quarell between us
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  7. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [justify]
    I just had my lunch.... :) stomach is full..but i always have small pouch in my stomach empty for utha pappu...kotha avakaya... ghee..or vedi annam,kotha avakaya and ghee :) [/justify]
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  8. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    hmm pavani you are like me
    i hate sweets and love spicey food
    but since i concived i am loving hot jilebi
    sorry for diverting topic here :confused2:
     
  9. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    :)


    sorry me too :-( . I started talking about avakaya
     
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2010
  10. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Honesty is not always the best policy :crazy.... esp when you know your DH is addicted to MIL = Marijuana.
     

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