The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dear periamma Madam,
Why does only the mother of a son go through these emotional turmoils. A mother and father give away their daughter physically and in our culture even emotionally to another man the moment she is married. If they can do it ,why not the mother of the son?

Why do you think the mother is the loser?She is gaining a daughter...isn't it while she continues to have her son too.

How does the DIL gain when she leaves her parents but still is not wholeheartedly allowed to have a husband?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

:bowdown:bowdown:bowdown:bowdown:bowdown




You have just explained it all...

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Sorry Rihana i am not here to offend anyone.I have mentioned this in my post.who am i to predict who is right or who is wrong?i have written what i heard and like your Mother there are many Mothers who are kind to their DILs.so don't take it personally.My aim is not to bring any weapons from readers.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Hi Darmesh

It was interesting to read many views posted by many young ladies as to why their MILs would not post here.

I am a new MIL-just a couple of months or so. During the entire period between the engagement and marriage I was deep into introspection and preparing myself for this new responsibility. While doing so I always kept my experiences as a daughter-in-law in perspective.
Some of the many things that became clear to me are:


1. Just as a marriage is huge change to the young lady (I went through the same uprooting when I got married) it is also a change for the young man's mother and father and other family members to have a new person enter the family.


2. When I was a new mother I was bewildered with this new member of the family, my child, with no guidebooks. However, I made it an effort to understand my child's temperament and we, my husband and I, changed and made adjustments for our child. At the same time we also guided our child to follow certain protocols, habits, family customs, etc.
Here is another situation where another member is entering our family. Only, she is someone else's child and already comes with a set of values some of which may be similar to and some different from ours.

3. This is a turning point to both of us. I never forgot that this young lady and her parents are entering this new relationship trusting that we, our son, my husband and I, will take good care of her.

4. How am I going to face or handle differences of opinion between us? Will writing about our problems on a virtual forum solve any issues? How will I feel if my dil writes about me here?
I certainly will not like it; so I cannot expect her to like it. I always believe in treating a person the way I would like to be treated. Therefore instead of solving the problem, writing it on a public forum will only fan the fire into an inferno.

So we all had a discussion right after the marriage. We told her that this is a new experience for us just as it is for her and asked our daughter to tell us directly if she has a problem. Only then we will be able to correct ourselves or explain our actions. Similarly we said we will tell her if we feel odd about any of her behavior only to get a better understanding of her and nothing more.

One of the few things that we have asked her not to do is compare us with her parents. No one can replace ones parents and placing that expectation will only be a disappointment.

This is working for us and every day we are discovering many wonderful things about our new daughter.

Is she perfect? Or am I perfect? Not at all. However, if I focused only on the negative, I will start looking at everything she does through a blue glass. This will turn my mind and heart ugly too. I will also lose my son’s respect if I treat his wife bad.

Most importantly, having negative thoughts will rob me my inner beauty and it will be reflected on my visage. No beauty concoction can eradicate that ugliness.
I am a woman and I want to be beautiful inside and out, however old I am.

So, will I find a need to write here? Absolutely not!

Yeah, I agree this is too long a write up to explain why one MIL will not write here. Sorry.

Warning: don’t dare address me as aunty. (I've been 30 since I turned 30)

Take care all. Be happy and keep that smile.

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Kamla maam.. i had the honor of doing the super fast nomination to ur reply..

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

another thread not required
cheers to op he brought all mils and dils at one place to deal it themselves.
happy op.very smart

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dear stunning beauty@30,

Awesome kamala. Well deserved nomination. If only every mil was like this.

I have interacted with you before. so may I take the liberty of asking just a couple of questions.
1. What to do if the mil is not as nice as you and there is no option of discussing with the husband too?

2. Is it possible that the threads here made you introspect a teeny bit more than you would have prepared yourself for your son's wedding if you had not read such threads. If yes, then these threads are making some positive change.

If the answer is no, then I am going to join the long list of dils here who are seriously jealous of your dil.

Irrespective of whether you say Yes / no to my second question, your dil is one lucky gal. Best wishes to the newly weds. :thumbsup

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

I still could not stop my laughter after reading kamala mam's warning laugh1smileythat is the reason i address the senior friends as Mam instead of aunty....i think "aunty" is the word which all the middle aged women are against with.....i think Iyerviji could not mind this as i am calling her as aunty, only one person in IL.

Coming to this thread part, i am reading since from the beginning. I liked the thought of the OP to commence a thread with this title....:thumbsup

Only one thing i want to say about my MIL is - she always used to say me from the day 1 of my wedding is " Mother can't be replaced by a MIL". At first i thought she is eascaping from the responsibility of taking care of me, but days went on i realised how true the words are, they is no replacement for most of the relations and the foremost is MOTHER.

But i could say she is wonderful MIL to me, no harrasment, no indirect mentioning, no direct mentioning too....admires me in each and every thing which i do etc...but still we are not close like friends and all, we too had some misunderstandings, but that was too because of my immatured behaviour, later on when i realised my faults i just go and started talking normally, she too respond so politely with no grudge feeling....on the whole i felt so blessed to have that kind of innocent person as my MIL in my life....the sad part is she lived with me only for 3 years but atleast i am blessed in that way that i am the only DIL who lived along with her while the others are living in abroad and could not get the chance.

Yesterday was my MIL's first year death anniversary and when i read kamala mam's reply i felt like writing my story here too...sorry to OP for hijacking this thread...:Bow:

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

She will have enough friends, relatives, sons and daughters to vent to and does not probably feel the need to vent to strangers. She probably receives all the sympathy and support she wants from the above sources. Who does a relatively new dil have to vent to?

 

Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

Dear Anitap, nice questions dear.... count me in, me too waiting for kamala mam's reply....(just on a jolly mood now i am) :2thumbsup: