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The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by darmesh, Jan 8, 2014.

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  1. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Generation gap does not grudge marital bliss to a newly married couple. This is jealousy and the outcome of a convoluted thought process.
     
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  2. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Darmesh watch the progress of the thread to understand why contrarian opinions are rarely if ever seen in Rel-Forum.
    It will go from "why more women in the older age group who are MILs do not post " to "rant about MIL"
    The sheer volume of the posters of a specific mindset will drown any dissenting voice . Its humanly impossible to battle so many . And no it was not always like this. People just stop visiting InLaws forum after a while.
     
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  3. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Periamma, you have written very well and it is nice to see the perspective of a MIL who has 2 DILs.

    However I feel that it is not as much about insecurity and need to show supremacy as it is about the foolish rules in our society. Like Ansuya said, a DIL is "needed" for the family to expand, for taking care of PILs etc. etc. but is she considered the son's equal? I do not think so; at least not in most conservative households.

    Too many things are expected from the DIL and her family. How many son's parents consider their DIL's parents as equals in the equation? How many of them take a conscious effort to maintain a good relationship with their DIL and her family? The DIL and her family are however, expected to do everything that is required to keep PILs happy-follow customs, buy gifts, courtesies etc.
    If the DIL respects and takes care of her ILs, gives them money for their needs, she is a good DIL. If a son-in-law does the same for his PILs, he is considered henpecked.
    Girls' parents encourage their daughter to take care of PILs. How many boys' parents encourage him to do the same for his wife's parents?

    So the root cause as I see it, is the double standards in our society for boys and girls. My MIL is more educated than me and I feel that it has nothing to do with education or literacy levels.
     
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  4. arch1209

    arch1209 Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Sweetypi - I sometimes do wonder what is the justification behind offering someone stale food, isolating them, accusing them of having an affair with their fil (These are just some of the instances that come to my mind from IL forum). I honestly do want to understand the mind that justifies such behavior.
     
  5. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it


    Hi Anusha i have a good relationship with my DILs and their parents and also my son-in-law's parents.My sons are too take care of their in-laws.By God's Grace i am happy with my family setup.I have a feeling that i have lived my life and i am at the closing end and so i must not be a hindrance to my children's happiness.I want to be a silent spectator watching my sons happy life.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Ma'am, you don't know my mother, and that is just as well. She and I both would be offended by your assumption about her mentality, if we cared; we don't and that is just as well.

    You write what you predict will bring out the "weapons" from readers, and then we are all surprised that such discussions take the route they do.
     
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  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    In an internet forum, in 2014, if a person writes about the "toil of parents to bring up sons" and just glosses over the similar toil of women's parents, it sure is going to be humanly impossible to battle the responses.

    JAG, give some credit to the threads in Reln forum. Contrarian opinions are as much seen here and tolerated (or not) as in other sections of IL. To give a recent example, a married female poster in an EMA, got to start and sustain a discussion on the topic in spite of 99% of the opinion being that she is wrong.
     
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  8. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    No periamma. The mother loses nothing. Now one more person comes to love and take care of her son. How can this be considered a loss for the mother?
     
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  9. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Undivided attention ? Competing financial interests ? thinkingsmiley
     
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  10. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    I don't think the reasons for MIL-DIL conflicts given so far are NOT answering the main question posed by this thread; in fact, I feel quite the opposite. The deafening silence when it comes to a vociferous and logically sound argument for why and how MILs are taken advantage of by cruel DILs speaks volumes to me.

    Simply put, there is no logical, sane, reasonable, or excusable explanation for why legions of MILs start this cold (and sometimes not so cold) war that eventually ends up ruining the family they profess to hold so dear.

    As an aside, in the culture I grew up in, a SIL joking about his draconian MIL seems far more common than DIL/MIL jokes (if we take insulting humour to be an indicator of prevailing social attitudes). In fact, my father loved telling my husband the most groan-worthy MIL jokes (which they both thought were hilarious), even though they both had/have great MILs.

    MILs seem to be universally pilloried, so I guess it is a dynamic that is prone to tension, no matter how you look at it, and where you are. But there are enough horror stories on IL for me to think this phenomenon is especially problematic, and obviously one-sided in some of our communities (and, I imagine, other cultures likes ours). The indignities, humiliations, and sometimes downright abuse suffered by DILs cannot be ignored, and I doubt the reverse (DIL treating MIL horribly) happens on even remotely the same scale.
     
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