1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by darmesh, Jan 8, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,779
    Likes Received:
    1,011
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    The curiosity, which haunts an average man, more frequently than anything else in this world is, the question , ‘What goes on in women’s world’. That is why this website is popular among men also.

    Like many men, Iam also a silent reader of this forum for a very long time. My most favourite section is ‘married life’ and ‘Relationshipwith In Laws’. Because, it centres around the frequent problem every household faces, including mine. The perennial conflict between MIL and DIL. Every single conflict going on between an Indian husband and his wife would be directly or indirectly related to MIL.

    Many such threads, I can relate to the on going conflict between my wife and my mother.

    Many members of this forum seem to be in their thirties or forties. They voice the view point of this MIL – DIL conflict from theperspective of a DIL, how her MIL harasses her, how her MIL tries to insinuate hatred in the mind of the husband towards wife, how her MIL loves to see the DIL in distress always.

    There is no paucity of threads based on the perspective of DIL towards the above said conflict. But, the MIL’s version, the MIL’s perspective and threads based on the woes of a MIL are conspicuously absent inthis forum.

    Behind every human action, there is a logic and reason (at least to that human being who is doing the action). Same way, a MIL who brings trouble to the DIL also must be having a logic or reason (no matter how irrational it may be to the others) which makes her behave in that malicious way. She must be feeling her son, who loved her hitherto so deeply, no longer does so, because of the newcomer , that is DIL. Similarly there must be some other reasons from the MIL’sperspective.

    Why threads based on such MIL’s perspective towards the much talked about MIL – DIL conflict, are absent in this forum ? Or, they do exist and I am not able to reach them ? This forum must be having good number of femalemembers who are in their late forties and fifties, having one or more DIL. But,why these MILs are hesitant to voice their point of view in this website ? Out of the fear, that no one will buy theirversion ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
    6 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Wait for a few years.Let more MILs get net savvy...then there will be virtual war here....:whistle
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
    yesican, Minara, DreamWorld and 19 others like this.
  3. amnilakshmi

    amnilakshmi Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    582
    Likes Received:
    142
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    As far as i know MIL feels insecure as soon as her son gets engaged... This leads to conflicts. Being a well experienced old aged person, a MIL should be able to adjust and advice the younger generation instead of using the divide and rule policy. JUST MY THOT...
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,377
    Likes Received:
    2,455
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Question was an essay. Answer came as one sentence. :). Awesome job yellow mango :)
     
    4 people like this.
  5. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,779
    Likes Received:
    1,011
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it


    Your assumption is wrong.

    My point is, there is no scarcity of women in fifties and sixties age group, who are very active in the other sections of this website.

    They are equally Internet savvy, computer educated also.

    I am actively reading the other sections of this website also, like 'General Discussions', 'Movies' , 'Good to read' , 'Hobbies', 'Keep fit ' etc, There I see many female members in the age group of fifties and sixties. Some old women have even posted their real photos as 'avtar' also.

    But, their view point on the DIL - MIL conflicts, is not available to listen to. Why ?.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
    2 people like this.
  6. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Why does the same logic not apply to a girls mother. A girl leaves her own parents and goes to become a part of another family where she is not welcome. But the girls mother does not become malicious towards the son in law. Instead the son in law is treated like god.

    There is this social pressure that the son should not fall completely into his wife's control. The wife should be a docile creature willing to cut ties with her family. We grow up with these ideas. A few generations down the line the thought process may change and things at the home front may improve. Till then...god save us from the tyranny of mils.
     
    17 people like this.
  7. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,779
    Likes Received:
    1,011
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    May be some of the MILs may be really thinking it as, "the tyranny of the DILs' also.

    I am not judgemental as to who is tyrannical and who is not.

    My point is, the other side of the argument, from the MIL's perspective, is totally absent , though there are many number of old female members in their fifties and sixties in this website !

    Why ? Do these old women already know, in their hearts, that they are innately so wicked and hate filled towards their DIL, that there is no point in talking about it ?

    Is it the reason why no old MIL comes forward to voice her view point on this frustrating issue ?
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
    2 people like this.
  8. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,273
    Likes Received:
    1,905
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Though here are women in fifties and sixties here .But look at the ratio/numbers.

    My thoughts:-

    • As yellow mango said, a lot of them out there are not tech savvy.
    • They might be scared to plunge into the pool filled with DIL's here.
    • Creator of the problem will not know the pain, only the receiver suffers.
    • Maybe the MILs in IL are really good and they mostly agree with what is being said(some might have undergone the same kind of torture from their MIL as well).They can let go a few.
    • Afterall when someone enjoys being a sadist what is there to cribb?

    We do not see any post from DILs who torture heir MILs here.I think same logic applies here too(apart from the tech savvy thing).
     
    6 people like this.
  9. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,026
    Likes Received:
    10,428
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    If at first you don't succeed......:)
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    1,307
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: The MIL's perspective on DIL - MIL conflicts: Why no woman starts a thread on it

    Like I wrote it is largely social pressure. For eg my mil gets a call from her brothers when we go to india. And they pass some comment if I am at my parents place. THough their own dils may be spending a chunk of their time with their parents. But my mil like an idiot will whine with her son and pester me to go back. This is just one scenario.

    From this whole thinking that the son is to support them in old age stems the insecurity. What if the wife takes my baby boy away to some far off land? So the mil plots against the dil and in many situations succeeds.

    The sister has this in her head since she was a baby that big brother is always there to protect you. Enter the wife and suddenly big brother has become "joru ka gulam" and now the sister is nasty as well.

    Women know what they are doing is wrong. They would not like their daughters to be treated the same way.
     
    2 people like this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page