The (im)purity of having your period...I just don't get it

If there is science et all behind this stupidity, then just-pubertal boys should be forced to take bath whenever they masturbate, see a **** movie or do anything else of similar category..!!

Why an adolescent girl is subjected to such humiliation while boys have the right to grow up their way..!!

There is no religion, no science behind all this. Just ways to remind a girl/ women at every stage of her life that SHE IS A WOMAN..!!

 

.............................

 

The most distressing aspect of this entire issue, as this thread illustrates, is the sad fact of how women are complicit, consciously or unconsciously, in their own suppression. This is truly depressing.

 

Forgive me, for asking.....

Taking head shower after PMS is depressing and suppressing women rights? That 15-minutes of washing hair, held us back decades of human race?

I would rather consider, it as personal hygiene. Who would like to walk around w/o washing hair for days? Wouldn't smell sweaty/oily/sticky, if you exercise regularly?

 

I forgive you.

The point is free will, and dominion over one's own body. Whether I wash my hair every day or once a week should be my business. My husband could ask me to stand on one foot for 1 minute every day at noon. It won't harm me, and I might do it to make him happy. But if it makes me unhappy, he should care more about that than anything else.

If it was just the washing of hair, and nothing else, perhaps we wouldn't need to be having this discussion. But it is part and parcel of a whole range of mandates, a systemic oppression that HAS held women back for many decades. Let's not pretend that the rights of women are fairly and honourably upheld. These small changes that we can make in our homes have the potential for a positive ripple effect through all of society.

P.S. Poovai, please don't take this as a personal attack. I don't mean to offend you, but rather, to make you see this issue from another point of view. I hope you didn't delete your previous post on my account.

 

I get the explanation that women get tired when they have their period and hence need to rest thus our ancestors invented the idea that let's give it the religion twist. But what upsets me is that we need to seek help from religion for something that is common sense - Not feeling well - take rest!

Don't they say marriage is a two-way street, so if the OP is asked to "understand" and "adapt" to her husband's cultural and personal beliefs, why doesn't the same hold true for her husband? Why cannot he understand that his wife is also hurt when he says she is "impure."

OP you are right you cannot choose the family or culture or community that you are born into, but sometimes we have the privilege to set new rules. If you have that privilege use your anger or ire to ensure that your next generation has better.

 

OP, discuss with your husband and you can find a way. coming to your daughter, it is in your hands. you know what you don't want for her, and you have the power to make positive changes for her, so there is nobody going to stop you from making those changes. sometimes, the first steps start as going against someone's wishes, and not just wanting the other one to accept that wish. with time, the ones who opposed have no choice but accept your POV and decision.

now i am not from the caste that you are indicating, but married into one. but inspite of not being there, we have followed it earlier. yes, I had the same restrictions, take a hair bath, and don't touch the pooja place. i had the freedom to do anything else, and it was a improvement from my mom's time, where she used to have to sit in the front of her house in the space called thinnai, that would be open or covered according to the people's preference and every person passing that place would know. there were no attached toilets, and the person would not be allowed to enter the house, she had to go through the garden to access the restroom area if there was a toilet- i am in my 40's..so i am talking about the 50's - 60's. the plate and the glass was kept with her on the verandah. food would be served last. if there was an exception some did not mind staying at the back close to the cowshed. imagine in villages without proper electricity and going through the garden, a nightmare. and there were people who did not take bath for the 4 days.

Me in the 80's, could take a head bath, go to school,play and do anything i wished except touching the pooja altar and ofcourse the pickle jars. I believe that was progressive for my times when i still saw few of my classmates sitting outside doing their homework, while i knew other classmates whose mom's did not know their daughter had P.

I know of people, who still stay away from the kitchen,pooja and sit inside their bedroom, if the house is spacious, or on one corner of the hall (quite embarassing for them and the visitors when they visit during those times, for the lady smiles sheepishly and has no other place to go but stand/sit there) the food is served after all the people in the house have eaten,and they don't serve the same food to her, if the same has to be eaten by them in the night. no pickles, no sweets or savories that are to be stored for a few days. I know husband who cook, keep the food in a box for the wife (SAHW), and also the coffee and leave to office.the wife does not go into the kitchen even for emergency. imagine the mother with kids. it is really bad.

I agree with the rest part, I know a few friends, who keep all the outside works pending to be done on those days, since they don't like to be cooped up at home.
i also agree it is so irritating when you are restricted this way. you are more hungry than usual, but you need to wait for food.

The most irritating part is the people other than the lady who keep track periods. a few days late, is questioned and a few days early is remarked on..I have known a fil who keeps a calendar so that he need not eat at home and go to the other son's house.

Now my daughter is a college goer. she knows that there were restrictions. there were procedures(do not want to call them tradition.) but she is free to do what she wants. she consciously does not want to do pooja or go to a temple, but I still keep doing them at home even if she has her P. She can cook, move around the house and do what she wants, and there are days i would know she has a p only if she tells me. But i ask her to keep track, as she has some issues, i don't interfere even in those things. Yes my daughter said she felt impure, she felt dirty, she felt it was not fair to be born girl, while the boys had all the fun. I did explain, cheer her and make it better for her.

I needed to post this, because i have fought against this system, and have made my people accept that this is natural. come on we are in a country where the supposed period cloth of katyayani devi/kamakya devi is sold for ******rs and there is a waiting period of years to get your hand on that. Tell your husband, there is a belief that even the goddesses have periods, and if so don't we still pray to them on all the 30 days.

Traditions and restrictions were placed for a reason, that was acceptable in that time. I believe, the keeping the women away was a crude way of telling the man that she was unavailable as she has P( the whole manu smriti that we follow is man oriented..) and also the rest, as there were no proper ways like napkins/cloth and the manual labour was too heavy those days.

With time, we mould ourselves to change. we thought crossing the 7 seas was wrong, and now we have moved from bharat kandam to all the other countries,why ?? because we wanted better things. so when you can change,adapt even substituting things for your pooja, tradition why not this.

The only thing i would say is, the thought process has to change within you. your mom was wrong in just scolding, she should have taken the time to explain, her bondage to her traditions. your husband can change with your help, without your residual anger and frustation (justified!!!) towards the system. you want something for your daughter, you work on it. tell him with the new menarche age of 8-10, you do not want your small innocent girl to suffer in this. (you will be surprised how dad's can change for their daughter, or atleast adjust and adapt for their sakes..)

All said, the fear, what if something untowards happens if you break the shackle of the so-called tradition keeps many still bound to follow even if they resent. it takes a few bold steps to break. God is not here to punish us all the time. He is everywhere..

Taking a head bath everyday is a personal choice.

All the best..

 

Hi Shanvy,
This is for you .....
:2thumbsup: :clap

That is really a good explanation

 

Shanvy, if more religious people were like you, there's a good chance I wouldn't be an atheist now. Thank you for a balanced, reasonable, COMPASSIONATE treatment of this issue. It's just sad that your daughter, even with an intelligent, pragmatic, and sensitive mother, would feel so wretched about menstruation and being a girl. Imagine what happens to girls who are not as lucky as she is. Menstruation is a minor inconvenience. Our girls need to see it as such; not as a red mark of shame and impurity.

 

I know Ansuya. my dd has pcod, and the symptoms associated with them make her so irritated, that she feels boys have been left scot free. the tussle starts at home with her brother. the thoughts of impurity was during her first few days. but let me also share that my son, after his biology lesson is more considerate of her pms, her stomach pain today. it makes me feel good as a mom.

Remember the days when sanitary pads were asked in pointed fingers, in whispers and then covered in newspaper or brown bags. and most of the times it was never the female who went to buy them. fast forward, we pick it up from the supermarket, and bill it in the counter without any embarrassment, so progress is there, but have we not fought for this progress tooth and nail for ever inch of it,even if it was our natural birth right.

coming to religions, though i don't have authentic proof, i know some other religions where people don't read their holy books, or fast when they have periods.