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The dread of letting go - my nightmare

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by iniyamalar, Jul 10, 2011.

  1. iniyamalar

    iniyamalar Gold IL'ite

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    I had not blogged for quite sometime now for some reasons and I was thinking of coming up with something on a lighter note on my next blog.

    But I can't let go of this moment, so here I am....

    In Bali, celebrating our wedding anniversary.

    It is six in the morning here and I am sitting all alone in the beautiful teak divan
    overlooking the pool and garden of our
    private villa. Early morning breeze and birds chirping away behind your very
    ears.... People who know me here , will know what I would normally do in such surroundings.

    But today I am oblivious of all that
    wonderful little things. The beauty infront
    of me seems to be transparent with that
    dark and dreadful memory hanging there
    behind as the backdrop.

    It was the dream I had early this morning.

    It was a concoction of bits and pieces of
    short visuals.

    We( myself, hubbie and some others
    excluding my kids) were walking in some
    place and suddenly there is tension in the
    air.- visual broken-

    Me and my son standing alone somewhere
    ( my hubbie and daughter not in scene) and
    people are milling about in every direction.

    I am trying to take my son to the top of a
    very tall building by some outdoor stairs.

    The bottom of the building is already flooded with water and the water level is
    still steadily rising. It is a dark day and my
    heart pumps hard as I try to pull him faster
    to the top, to safety.
    Suddenly some alarm goes off and a
    squeaky woman's voice booms in an

    " attention. There was another quake( so
    short. Had there been several before this to
    make her say it in such informal terms?) of
    10.(something) and a huge tsunami wave
    will hit the shore any minute now."

    I get mad and pull my son close. He seems
    to be terrified for he is too silent( he
    normally doesn't close his mouth except
    while sleeping). Suddenly water is

    The force is so strong , he is pulled apart from me and he cries and shouts.." mommy don't let go of my hand! Mommy please
    don't let me go. Mommy...mommy..."

    And I woke up...

    I still cry as I type as the scene just dont
    fade away nor his voice which is still
    ringing in my ears.

    I know...I know... Dreams are mostly
    manifestations of our own subconscious
    thoughts and I read conspiracy stuff a lot more than any sane person,enough to have
    nightmares every single day.

    That is not the point..
    The dream itself has less importance but
    the thought that was thrusted in me?

    Why we spend energy and time on stuff
    which just will float away from you at the last moments and doesn't get a second glance from you?

    Why do we indulge ourselves in huge
    houses which will just be useless to you
    when you .....

    All it mattered at that moment even in a
    dream was the love...the frenzy to get him
    safe... The dread....

    All those things and stuff we do and get with money is of no importance at the grand finale...

    And it hit me then, what the he'll am I doing here? Wasting the previous little time I have left with me by taking stupI'd phtotographs of some stupid old stone statues while I should be using it to show and shower my love to all those Who need it?

    I knew then I had spending way more time and energy than needed on frivolous things but love.

    I knew then all my fellow dreamers in this realistic dream called life(Maya) are sailing in the same sinking boat and are clinging to the wrong place for support.

    I knew ....

    Life is so short we would be surprised to know how short to spend it on anything but love..

    This came as a splash of cold water on my sleepy face to the reality. I woke up crying....
    I woke up loving....
    I woke up in pain....
    I write this with a heavy heart soaked in pain and filled with love....

    If the world is to end in front of my eyes this very moment all I want to do is shout out as loud as possible that I love you all.

    But does that carry any meaning?
    Why dont I start doing it from now on? I think I can cover a lot more better than the last minute hasty hug.

    I LOVE YOU ALL.....

    Please keep loving as long as you are living for we may not know how long that might be....

    Now I need to go wake my son up with a loving hug...

    Good bye...

    See you soon with something better.

    And here I thought bringing up a kid is a biggest and toughest task???oh really?? What about letting go of them?

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