The Danger Of Comparing Yourself With Others

The Danger of Comparing Yourself With Others
(a forward I liked with some changes )
The most important things in life are internal, not external.

“The big question about how people behave”, says Warren Buffett, “is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an inner scorecard.” To make his point, Buffett often asks a simple question: Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?

Comparing ourselves to others allows them to drive our behavior. This type of comparison is between you and someone else. Sometimes it’s about something genetic, like wishing to be taller, but more often it’s about something the other person is capable of doing that we wish we could do as well. Maybe Ramu writes better reports than you, and maybe Syamu has a happier relationship with his spouse than you do. Sometimes this comparison is motivating and sometimes it is destructive.

You can be anything but you can't be everything. When we compare ourselves to others, we're often comparing their best features against our average ones. It's like being right-handed and trying to play an instrument with your left hand. Not only do we naturally want to be better than them, the unconscious realization that we are not, often becomes self-destructive.

Comparisons between people are a recipe for unhappiness unless you are the best in the world. Which, let's be honest, only one person is. Not only are we unhappy but the other people are as well. They are probably comparing themselves to you—maybe you're better at networking than they are and they're jealous. At worst, when we compare ourselves to others we end up focusing our energy on bringing them down instead of raising ourselves.

There is one thing that you're better at than other people: being you. This is the only game you can win.

When you start with this mindset the world starts to look better again. No longer are you focused on where you stand relative to others? Instead, your focus and energy are placed on what you're capable of now and how you can improve yourself.

Life becomes about being a better version of yourself. And when that happens, your effort and energy go toward upgrading your operating system every day, not worrying about what your coworkers are doing. You become happier, free from the shackles of false comparisons, and focused on the present moment.

When what you do doesn't meet the expectations of others, too bad. The way they look at you is the same way you were looking at them, though a distorted lens shaped by experiences and expectations. What matters is what you think about what you do, what your standards are, what you can learn today.

That’s not an excuse to ignore thoughtful opinions—other people might give you a picture of how you fall short of being your best self. Instead, it’s a reminder to compare yourself to who you were this morning. Are you better than you were when you woke up? If not, you’ve wasted a day. It’s less about others and more about how you improve relative to who you were.

When you stop comparing between people and focus internally, you start being better at what matters: being you. It's simple but not easy.

The most important things in life are measured internally. Thinking about what matters to you is hard. Playing to someone else’s scoreboard is easy, that’s why a lot of people do it. But winning the wrong game is pointless and empty. You get one life. Play your own game.

 

Thanks for giving the original source. I got it from somewhere long back. Normally I store such items in From the Net folder but I do not know how it got into my self written blogs. Anyway, I regret the mix up.

 

Each individual is unique and comparison may lead to inferiority complex. At the same it is also true that advertently or inadvertently we love to compare ourselves with others. There is saying -count your blessings- or children of lesser gods. Comparing our misfortunes with lesser fortunate people does help. The problem starts when we start comparing our misfortunes with more fortunate people.

 

Syamalaji,
I would say learning by comparing is not that bad as feeling inferiority complex. Life is a learning process and we learn from people and happenings around us. This is natural. If we can improve our lot by comparing and learning, that will be very helpful but there are situations others do that for us. That hurts. To a great extent, parents add to the pressure on kids.

 

Yes, it happens. Parents act insensitivity while comparing their kids with others, though very unknowingly. There are some TV shows exhibiting talents among kids. What may be going behind the scene is imaginable. First the parents take the kids to trainer, then get them ready to pass thru the entrance gate and then perform on stage to compete for a reward and praise from the judges. Thankfully, the judges act and inspire them but what about the pressures on them thru the whole journey.