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The Best-Kept Secrets of a Happy Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by freddycat, Jul 18, 2012.

  1. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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  2. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

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    here are some more liberal and broad minded thoughts i found for a successful marriage.. 17 Rules for happy marriage.

    1. Establish your own private home.

    God's rule is specific. A married couple must leave father and mother and establish their own home, even if finances require that it be a one-room apartment. Husband and wife should decide together on such policies as these. Then she should inform her relatives and he, his. They must remain firm no matter who opposes. Thousands of divorces would be avoided if this rule were carefully followed.

    2. 2. Continue your courtship

    Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life. Successful marriages do not just happen; they must be developed. Don't take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart. Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you would get along well. Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Don't overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other with little gifts or favors. Try to "outlove" each other. Don't take more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.

    3. Remember that God joined you together in marriage.

    Don't forget that God Himself joined you together in marriage, and He intends for you to stay together and be happy. He will bring happiness and love into your lives if you will obey His divine rules. "With God all things are possible."

    4. Guard your thoughts--don't let your senses trap you.

    The wrong kind of thinking will destroy your marriage. The devil will trap you with thoughts like these: "Our marriage was a mistake." "She doesn't understand me." "I can't take much more of this." "We can always divorce if necessary." "I'll go home to mother." "He smiled at that woman." Stop thinking thoughts like these or your marriage is gone, because your thoughts and senses govern your actions. Avoid seeing, saying, reading, or hearing anything that (or associating with anyone who) suggests impurity or unfaithfulness. Thoughts uncontrolled are like an automobile in neutral on a hill. Anything can happen, and the result is always disaster.

    5. Never retire for the night angry with each other.

    To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous. Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, "I'm sorry." After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together.

    6. Keep Spirituality in the center of your home.

    This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, spirituality.

    7. Pray together.

    Pray aloud for each other! This is a wonderful rule that succeeds beyond the wildest dream. ask God for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom--for the solution to problems. The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right. No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God's help.

    8. Agree that divorce is not the answer.

    The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible. Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery. Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a moral fall. Marriage is for life. Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage. God instituted marriage to guard people's purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to elevate their physical, mental, and moral nature.

    9. Keep the family circle closed tightly.

    Family intimacies must never be shared with others--not even with parents. It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule. A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife. Solve your home problems privately. No one else (except ur marriage counselor) should ever be involved. Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other. Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse's feelings. Vigorously defend each other, and strictly exclude all intruders. And as for adultery ( it always hurts you and everyone else involved. So if flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over your life that cannot be lifted.

    10. love; make it your daily goal to measure up.

    With true love, your marriage cannot fail. Without it, it cannot succeed.

    11. Remember that criticism and nagging destroy love.

    "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." Stop criticizing, nagging, and faultfinding. Your husband or wife may lack much, but nagging won't help. Don't expect perfection, or bitterness will result. Overlook faults, and hunt for the good things. Don't try to reform, control, or compel your partner--you will destroy love. Only God can change people. A sense of humor, a cheerful heart, kindness, patience, and affection will banish two-thirds of your marriage problems. Try to make your spouse happy rather than good, and the good will take care of itself. The secret of a successful marriage lies not in having the right partner, but rather in being the right partner.

    12. Do not overdo in anything; be temperate.

    Overdoing will ruin your marriage. So will underdoing. Work, love, rest, exercise, play, worship, meals, and social contacts must be carefully balanced in your marriage, or something will snap. Overwork and the lack of sleep, over food, or exercise make a person critical, intolerant, and negative. Degrading, twisted, or intemperate sex acts destroy love and respect for one another.

    13. Respect each other's personal rights and privacies.

    Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation. Do not tamper with each other's wallets or purses, personal mail, and other private property unless given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected. Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes. Perfect confidence and trust in one another--no checking up on each other--is absolutely essential for happiness.

    14. Be clean, modest, orderly, and dutiful.

    Laziness, disorder, dirt, and slovenliness are the devil's weapons to destroy your respect and affection for one another, and thus ruin your marriage. Neat, modest attire and clean, well-groomed bodies are essential for both husband and wife. The meals should be wholesome, attractive, and served on time. The home should be clean and orderly, because this brings peace, calmness, and satisfaction to all. A lazy, shiftless husband who does not provide for his household is a curse to his family and an insult to God. Carelessness in some of these seemingly small matters is destroying homes by the thousands.

    15. Determine to speak softly and kindly.

    Force yourself to speak softly and kindly to your spouse. Silence, when one is attacked, is often the best method to cool wrath. Decisions made when angry, tired, or discouraged are unreliable anyway, so it's best to relax and let anger cool. And when you do speak, let it always be quietly and lovingly. Harsh, angry words crush your spouse's desire to please you.

    16. Be reasonable in money matters.

    All possessions and income in marriage should be "ours," not "yours" and "mine." Wives who don't work outside the home should receive a regular amount for groceries, clothing, and other budgeted items. It should be cheerfully provided instead of grudgingly released under protest. Wife and husband both should have small, equal sums (whenever possible) to spend as desired without giving account. A miserly husband usually angers his wife into being a spender, just as a wasteful husband makes a wife stingy. Showing confidence in your companion's managing ability will usually make him or her more businesslike.

    17. Talk things over and counsel together freely.

    Few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling together on all major decisions. Changing a job or purchasing a home, an automobile, a boat, furniture, clothing (major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered. Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage.
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  3. saarang

    saarang Local Champion Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This was a nice read!
  4. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Excellent points Freddy and riyagan.

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